So I've been holding this in for awhile, but it's starting to eat me alive so I need to let this out. Sorry if I annoy. Life has gotten hard for me to deal with. Two big plans I had for moving out have recently fallen through and now all the pressure is on me. I had a plan to have a roommate to help me move out and finally be fully in control of my own life. She however is not getting ready fast enough and doesn't seem to be taking this nearly as seriously as I am. So now I have no choice but to be the sole breadwinner of this operation in a place where everything costs lots....and lots...of money and the pay is very...very..small. My fear to be honest, my biggest fear is that I'm going to get trapped in the cycle of having a job I hate that takes all my time and energy. I'll always look at my writing, say "I'm tired I'll do it later" and I'll do that for weeks...then months...then years...and before I know it I'm 40 and my novel still isn't written. You get me? I've tried talking to my friend group about this but none of them seem to understand. They don't get that I've seen over 10 people do this. The big distressing thing is one friend I had had an amazing book planned. Now it's been all but forgotten to the daily grind. He can't even remember the main character's name anymore. I'm the only one that even remembers what the book is about. I've wanted to be a writer now for over a decade. I've wanted to write stories for a living since I was 9. I'm petrified to be next in line for what I wrote above. Everyone keeps saying "Don't worry you got this! You're strong Bravo you can power through this!" But it feels like a useless platitude. My friends seemed strong too but they all inevitably dropped the ball. Only one I know currently hasn't and even now he's faltering. No one has an answer when I ask "What makes me different? How do you know I won't be like everyone else?" Cause even right now I'm so scared I haven't written anything in two days. I'm failing already and I don't even have a day job to juggle along with this... Yes I know I've heard it before. "Getting a career like that is really hard you know." I don't need to hear that right now. Believe me it'd lodged it's way up way deep in my subconscious and is pounding like a drum. Can anyone please help me? How can I make sure this isn't going to happen to me? I just really need someone who gets it to reassure me desperately and in a more solid way then. "You're strong, you can pull through." Because I already have a lot on my plate and I have my limits. I don't know what to do...
Writing is a choice. Everyday you have that choice. It's okay to choose to do something else. It's always going to be your choice. Discipline is really important and setting up some sort of routine can help. Who cares if you have to do something else for money? Writing is not an easy path. However, you're talking about moving out. One option might be to buy a one-way airplane ticket to somewhere interesting and try some travel writing or write some magazine features. I did this when I was younger. And I did earn enough to get home. Plus, I think traveling is the best thing a young writer or any young adult can do. I got this advice from a well-known writer who a friend of a friend knew and brought me to a party. This writer told me to save up $5k and go. I told him I didn't think I could ever save that much money, and he said just go then. It's amazing what we can do with no safety net.
Being perfectly honest, this will probably happen. You will likely get a job that takes 44+ hours of your life a week just so you have a roof over your head and food in the fridge. You'll then come home exhausted and sit in front of the TV trying to recharge yourself for the next day's servitudes. If you plan on having a family this will only get worse. But if you really want to write, you will write regardless. If you've ever spent an hour browsing for memes or watching Doctor Phil instead of writing, that means that those things are more important to you than writing. If it's something you really want to do, you have to make it a priority and sometimes that means cutting other things to make room for it.
It's hard to give advice without knowing more. The first thing I'd want to know is, do you have a safety net? Someone you could live with for a while, who would feed you and not charge rent, without demanding anything of you? It could be parents, it could be just a good friend. And they don't necessarily have to live near you, which brings me to the next question ... How tied are you to living where you are living? Do you own a house, or have a significant other who can't move? Writers can write anywhere, but being in a toxic environment doesn't make it easier. If you can move, maybe you should think about it. There are lots of places that aren't so expensive to live, and some of them have a lot of open jobs. Now, if you have a potential safety net and aren't anchored to where you live, are you adventurous enough to set off into the unknown and try to start a new better life for yourself? If it goes wrong, you'd have your safety net. Sure, your adventure could fail: that's why it would be nice to have a safety net. But don't let the fear of failure -- of failing in an attempt to restructure your life, or in failing as a writer -- stop you from trying. Inventory your life. Determine who and what is important, and how much. Realize that you and your dreams are high up on that list, top priorities. Identify what -- or who -- is holding you back, then think about whether you can take the risk of cutting those people and things loose. Think of yourself as the main character in a book you're writing. What would you have that character do (that's legal )?
I don't see any big problems here. Life is hard for most of us. Writing does not bring money. Hours don't multiply. Years and life go forward. We have to choose between wants and needs all the time. That is life. That is the material. The roots of good literature are in tough lifes and mundane problems. If we don't have problems, we don't have anything real to write about. You are telling us that you are collecting a lot of good material and that is a problem? And you hint that you are quite young? You take care of yourself. You take care of your health, your stress levels, your social chooses, your learning, your reading, your... mind and values. Read Stephen King On Writing. It tells you how King organised his writing and life before his success. Read Aki Hintsa's The Core. He tells you how Ethiopian long distance runners organised they training. Read Hotakainen's Kimi. It tells you how Kimi's life was before big success. Read Gulag Archipelago and think about the creative environment of Alexander when he was writing. Or Anne Frank writing her diaries. If you read a book a week, write 14-35 pages of anything a week, do your research well enough, and keep your mind and values clear, then you might get somewhere. It's work and work and work and work and work... If you do enjoy it and/or if you just can't stop it no matter what... Then it might be your road. If you can't write when you are having normal sounding mundane life... Well.... Life is hard to deal with. If we have dreams about life, we should keep them realistic and make them realistic. Usually we make them realistic by this old method called "working my ass of". If you must work 40-45 hours a week for money, you can still write, read, develop yourself about 5x3 + 2x12 hours a week. That is 39 hours a week. It's full time amount. (I'm doing about 80-110 hour weeks. I'm autistic. I have a family with 3 kids. I do have very big problems in my life. That is called life. This is what good life looks like. And no f***ing thing is going to stop me writing. I might be unable to write my work in progress but then I write something else and come back to my WIP as soon as I'm able to do it.) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sisu "Not possible" is not a problem. It is the definition of normal situation. You just need to make it possible. That means hard work. And when it becomes possible you execute it. It means work.
How old are you? So, you got to ask, what's your sacrifice? There's always a price. You want to live on your own, but you don't want the daily grind of a job that would support you. You want all the time in the world to write, but you don't like to live under your parents' roof (parents who cook, clean, do the laundry, worry about bills - all things that take time and takes a job to pay for). You're unwilling to slog through tiredness in order to write, then you say you're terrified you'd give up. My mum found time to study despite her horrific situation - she came from dire poverty where she still remembers starving on the side of the street on her way walking to school. She tells me she literally sank to her knees one time, hugging her stomach she was so hungry, and wept. (this was not the only thing she had to endure either) My dad found time to study despite holding down two jobs - I believe one was a full-time office job and the other was an evening part-time teaching job - plus a small child at home. Blimming heck, they found time. More than time, they found resolve, determination, sheer endurance. In Chinese, the word "endure" is very important. My parents often complain that this new generation cannot endure. We are unwilling to endure hardship - we're far too sheltered. And you're terrified you won't have time to write because you're gonna end up in a 9-5? Endure. Of course it's hard to write when you're tired, but if you want to write, you'd do it, wouldn't you? That's the good thing about writing - you need nothing except pen and paper, both of which are cheap and in ample supply. You're on the internet, which means you have a laptop or a phone or probably both, which means you can use a word processor. There's nothing and no one actually stopping you from writing if you wanted to. You can do it anytime, anywhere, without any special equipment, without special environments (say, a tennis court for tennis, or paying extortionate fees for access to a gym or a swimming pool). You can do it at 4am. You can do it in your bedroom. Even if all you can afford is a room, even if you work 12 hour shifts and come home at midnight, or even if you work night shifts, you can always write. What you fear isn't that there would be no time to write. What you fear is having to endure. Endure that kind of hardship. But if it's important to you, you'd do it, wouldn't you? All your other friends made a choice - they have other priorities. You can also make your own choice. If you don't wanna give up, then don't. No one's making you. What made my parents different? Their attitude. That's what my dad says to look for in a new hire: look for their attitude. Skills can always be replaced, but finding someone with the right attitude is highly difficult, and equally difficult to replace. So, that's all really. Make a choice. It's yours to make. Change your attitude. Endure. If you don't wanna stop writing, no one can stop you. Life may bring curveballs and things may have to be delayed, but never stopped. At some point you may find your interests and priorities changing - that's ok too. On a practical note: make a plan. You want to be independent in an area with low pay and high rent? Study. Find what it takes to get a well-paying job in your area and then study towards it. Once you have the money, you have choices - to move fields, to move to a place where rent is cheaper, to hire a cleaner or to eat out at a restaurant so you can spend that time to write. But yes, you need cash. If your priority is to move out and be independent, I'd simply focus. It might mean writing less. It might mean devoting less time to writing than you'd like. But nothing comes without sacrifices. Endure. ETA: parents now have their own car, own house, have put two girls through university. They have choices now. My mum fulfilled her lifelong dream of graduating with a university degree at the age of 62 (in her second language, in an educational system she's never been schooled in). My dad's in a management role with the flexibility to move around offices, which has allowed them to move with my mum to her new job as a pastor in a church (another dream of hers - a job that doesn't pay very well in general, like writing!) They now have the luxury of choice because they first endured.
The vast majority of people who want to write a novel never write a novel. I don't think it's necessarily because their LIVES are hard - it's because writing a novel is hard, at least for most people, at least if you want it to be any good. So I don't think it's too useful to look at your friends, and I don't think it's too useful to blame your job. It's the writing you need to focus on. Don't think about other people, don't think about excuses. Just write. Writing is your biggest challenge.
I find a thorough read of the newspaper inspires me. Lots of fertile material amongst the smaller items.
Listen to Mckk! Those are wise words! I take one step longer... Everyone has a value structure/hierarcy. In the top of that hierarchy is something. It functions psychologically as if it was your god. It is different than other values. It defines what those other values are and how you experience them. That defines a lot of your emotions, feelings, agendas, needs, wants, beliefs... It defines your attitudes. It is very common not to bee able to change attitudes and behaviour if that top value level does not support it. And about time and getting tired. One of Finlands most famous and best sold authors was Kalle Päätalo. (11.11.1919 - 20.11.2000) Kalle's dad was mentally sick and put to asylum. Family had 6 kids. Kalle had to do farm work when he was kid. When he was 13 he had to go to work in savotta. (A place where logging and timber rafting is done.) He did that in Koillismaa and Iijoki in Northern Finland until he went to war. After war he worked in construction. While that he educated himself to construction foreman. And got himself a family. And supported it. And... He started writing before lumber work. Might have been about in age of ten. Very mildly said: his familo or his cultural environment did not support that. He published his first book 1958 - almost 30 years after starting writing, in age of 39. He wrote 53 published books. They were typically about 400 - 700 pages. He wrote about working in savotta (lumber work in deep forests, drafting lumber... work done in Finland, in winter time with muscles and saw), about being in war, in construction work... Well.. He was an author. He was not wanna-be. He did. He did not let anything stop him. It takes what it takes. You either deliver or not. It's up to you. It is not up to your friends, family, cultural environment, monetary status... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kalle_Päätalo https://fi.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kalle_Päätalo
OP, you're getting a lot of tough-love in this thread - don't let it get you down. Remember that it's easy for us to talk tough, but we aren't necessarily following our own harsh rules. I'm in the middle of a writing slump in which I'd apparently rather play a fairly inane video game than work on my WIP. @Alan Aspie stopped writing for thirteen years because he got discouraged after someone he worked with signed her name to a booklet he wrote. I'm sure other posters have similar tales of being discouraged/distracted/unproductive. It's hard to find the balance between being tough on yourself and being kind to yourself. Don't let us push you too far in the wrong direction!
I eat chocolate pancakes and go horse-riding. Then the property slaves run the warm bath before my writing afternoon and a night at my private disco with 1000 paid extras. I would gyrate on them all given a decent Rolex. I don't have no Rolex in my entire mansion. Then I wake up from these nightmares and go horse-riding [again] on my private property of course. There's no golf course till the acquisition. I need golf! We all suffer for this art-form we call writing/youtube.
Most writers feel this way at least once early on. I've been writing for almost twenty years and I had this fear when I was sixteen and my life was starting to grow more challenging. The best I can do is share my experiences in words, but the honest truth is that you need to experience yourself succeeding in order to grow the confidence to achieve your dreams. That must always come first. What I have quoted here is what will ensure you lose the will to write. Why are you rewarding your fear? Fear, anxiety, worry, these things are all the same. They're a toxin. In the same way watching your successes grows your confidence, watching your failures will break you. Every single time you say to yourself "See? There. I did it again. I failed," you chisel away at your passion and find your way over to "I'm a failure," which eventually becomes "I'll never succeed," and lastly, "This is a waste of time." Fear leads to judgment leads to hopelessness--and the final act is death. Death of the thing you used to cherish. Eventually you will make yourself hate writing on account of fear. Does fear deserve so much? No. So then, how can fear be overcome? Fear is always trumped by truth. What is the truth? Since truth to each of us is that which we've experienced (i.e. seen, felt, lived), you must seek it out. Every time you see your fear arising, seek the truth of it. Ask questions (but don't be oppositional; accept what is). I will share some truths that I see and have experienced myself: you are in control. Learn to trust yourself. I may not write for six months (or much longer, as has been the case) but a truth about me is that I love writing. Even if I am not writing I may read about writing, or I may scribble down some quick thoughts. I might read a short work or simply repeat a phrase several different ways. I might only be reading street signs or interpreting the facial expressions of customers. Doesn't matter what I am doing, my love for writing drives me to imagine, create, and enjoy words. I won't ever suffer for this, and neither would you. Writing is a friend that is always present. If you can remove your mind from fear (not out of force, but because you want to / are convinced) you will preserve your relationship to writing. Even if you don't write for years. But you will have to convince yourself that you will get to it, and you do that by learning to trust yourself, which you do by celebrating your achievements. No matter how small. As an example, an achievement of mine that I just celebrated is admitting that I won't go to a memorial. This seems small, maybe callous, but for me it is quite big! I tend to think the people around me are selfish and like to impose. I tried stuffing down the fact I felt obligated to go, but that made my anxiety bigger. I felt more imposed upon than ever. See how that works? But when I finally allowed myself to cry and admit I didn't want to go, I simultaneously learned why, cured my anxiety, and discovered that I really did want to go! How? Because, once fear was dismissed, my real self had a chance to shine, and my real self loves the family of the deceased very much. I would go for them. Not out of obligation, but because I want to. Emotions are a complex affair, but we are not their slaves. No schedule or routine will fix this problem. Find the truth in your scenario and learn to trust yourself (you are worthy of trust, after all). Make out the good in what you do. Be excited for the book you'll write--even without knowing when you'll write it. It took me thirteen years to write the book of my dreams. It took Tolkien fifteen years to develop The Lord of the Rings, and some authors have taken longer. Good things are worth waiting for. Don't give up! All the best.
Do you want to write, or do you want to be a writer? If it's the former, a true writer will not and cannot be stopped. Just look at Bukowski, or heck, Nicholas sparks. The guy had a full time job and a family and still managed to write every day. The same with JK Rowling. But if it's the latter, you may as well quit now. It's not worth the effort. What makes you special? What makes you different? That's up to you. If you can't inspire yourself no one else is going to be able to. A 9-5 job is only a 3rd of the day. Oh, and lastly, what matters most isn't how much you write, it's how well you write. 200 000 bad words are not as fruitful as 500 great ones.
Don't be afraid to 'loose' your creative spirit like an arrow. Just make sure you hit the target, otherwise you might have someone's eye out.
It's about deciding what you want for your life, instead of being passive and letting things happen to you. While it's true there's a lot you can't control in life, there are still some things you can. You have to decide what you want, and what sacrifices you're willing to make for it to happen. There's a saying I've found very true: "You can have it all, just not all at the same time." So what's most important to you, and what things and people are you willing to set aside, either temporarily or permanently, to get it? (Yep, that includes people. There will be people in your life who, for various reasons, aren't good for your creative life or creative career.) I would also add, when you're trying to be successful in a career in which success is especially difficult to obtain, odds are your friends will give up for various reasons, so you're very likely to be the only one in your circle who continues. That's why things like groups for working writers exist: until they're a working writer, most people don't know any working writers in their immediate social circle.If you want success, you really do have to put blinders on as to what your peers are doing or not doing, and press on. Tenacity, not talent, is often the deciding factor between those who make it and those who don't. Someone can have all the talent in the world, but if they quit, talent doesn't matter.
I've never wanted so badly to go through a thread on this forum and cross out half of everything said. Please ignore everyone who told you in so many words that you're being a whiny bitch. You were looking for encouragement and found unfairly harsh assessments of your work ethic instead. I emphatically disagree. The fact that you're freaking out about not having written for two whole days, shows a strong work ethic and drive to write. Moving out is scary. It's natural to worry about these exact things when contemplating leaving the nest, regardless of your life goals. You shouldn't be judged or punished for expressing these concerns. Bravo. I hope you can sort through all these responses and sift out the gold, because there was a fair amount of that too. Decide your priorities and have faith in yourself. In the end, if something is important enough, you'll figure it out. You've got this.
Hey, I think Rzero has a good point there. And Katibel too. Here's a tip for you: anything that you read in this thread that discourages you? Forget it. And one thing in particular I want to address... I have autism and suspect I also have ADHD. One of the things ADHD especially struggles with is called 'executive function'. It's that ability to make yourself do things, like write, instead of browsing for memes on the internet. The Dapper Hooligan may have a point- for some people. But not me. And maybe not you either.
It's actually very simple. Writing is (or should be a pleasure) so set time aside for it. Time you will look forward to, and won't give up. If you are the kind (like me) who is best at creative writing first thing in the morning, get up two or three hours before you usually get up, and set that aside for your writing time. Yes, it means you'll need to go to bed earlier at night, to get your full 8 hours of sleep, but if it's writing pleasure you're after, then you have that to look forward to. The good thing about the early morning schedule is that nobody is likely to pester you or want you to do something else. The phone won't ring, the doorbell will stay silent, and anybody you live with will still be in bed. That is your time. You will also have a clear head, and there is evidence that people can be most creative when they are fresh from sleep. Whatever time you choose, make it stick. It means you will need to give up other things, but if it's a pleasure for you to write, that sacrifice won't be hard. Of course some lives are more difficult than others. New mothers who are constantly on call from their little ones. Carers who are responsible for somebody who is quite unwell. People on shifts which they can't predict, etc. But if all you have is a job to worry about—and if it's a job with a reasonably predictible schedule—you should be able to organise writing time.
Absolutely! I used to get really angry if something interrupted that. I got up at 4.30 am every day. (I'm still an early riser, as my timing on forum activity will attest.) Usually I had to work at 8am (sometimes 9 am, depending on my shift), but because I live only a 20-minute walk away from my workplace (a GP's surgery), it wasn't hard to keep to the schedule. I seriously hated anything that kept me from writing (like holidays, etc.) I would have killed for a laptop to take with me on holidays, but didn't have one then. Oddly enough, it was when I retired and stopped working that the writing dried up! By then I'd finished the novel, and was in the editing phase, so that might have something to do with it. But it could also be that I needed that regimentation to feel motivated. Now that I've finished the edits and am gearing up for publication (writing the blurb, etc) I'm hoping to get back to serious writing again. I'm three chapters in to the next book, but I've backed off till I get the first one published (self.) I think I'll do the early morning writing thing again, even though I don't have to fit work in. But I find I'm at my best in the morning. I like being up and doing stuff when nobody else is.
TBH real life does get in the way … but it depends how much you really want something - if you really want to write you'll find the time. On the plus side real life will also give you perspective and a shitload of material
I can relate to this struggle quite a bit, and I think a lot of maintaining a creative spirit is cultivating a good attitude towards the activity of writing. Instead of cursing yourself for not performing as well as you would like, take the time to let yourself recharge naturally and know you'll get to it when you get to it. Instead of bashing yourself for not having that "burn" to get yourself writing, make an effort to do things you enjoy that will help get you going again. Instead of worrying about when the novel will come out, just keep going with it because it will be done when it's done. It's one of those ideas that's seemingly a paradox at first glance: The less you stress about the work you're doing, the more capable you are of actually getting it done. Seriously, I don't want to judge your situation because I don't know you, but the fact that you're beating yourself up over not being able to write for two days really shows me that you're being way too hard on yourself. There are writers and content producers who've made it big but will still go on year long hiatuses just because they don't particularly feel like creating any more, and you think you've failed because you can't manage a perfect streak? What makes you different is that you clearly care about your aspiration.
Sorry for not responding. Wow I got a lot where to start...guess I'll just address it! I am still looking for work but I'm a lot less nervous about it now. The original plan was for me to stay here until I can save a lot of money doing what I love and then leave. The issue was that my current people I live with came with a lot of tension and was somewhat toxic. Because I didn't want any trouble or confrontation I kept my mouth shut even though I was unhappy. The older I got though the harder that was to deal with. So a few days ago I finally stood up for myself and told them how I felt. Turns out that was all I needed to do. Of course it's not perfect, but the big point of contention really bothering me was taken care of. So I did make my situation better which makes the whole moving out thing less urgent. I am still looking for work though, I need to self fund some things on my end for my novels since I wanna remain indie so I keep full control. All of you gave me good advice and personal experience that really reassures me I'm gonna be able to hang in there come hell or high water. A few of you though really caught my eye and really inspired me. Those people are. Thank you to all of you especially these people in particular. I want to be better and more confident in myself. I'm going to keep pushing my brain out of these bad habits where I'm so mean to myself until I finally treat myself how I should be treated. Thank you, truly. I appreciate it. I am working on a novel right now, hope to have it fully written by August. I'm sure some of you will see it : 3
