Mental Health Support Thread (NOT for giving medical advice, or debating)

I don't want my partner to forget me. We've become so close in the time we've worked together. I don't want to lose that. It's been such a long time since I've had a friendship like that, you know? A proper double act. People say our names in the same way they say 'fish 'n' chips'.

I don't want to lose her. I've explained to my boss how important it is...but what if it's really all one way and she's glad to get away from me?

I'm so lost and afraid. I want to go home.

 

Anxiety is a thief. It sneaks in and steals the moment. Put the lights on it and recognize it for what it is. The drowning man grabs onto something and can't let go, when all you have to do is put your head back and float. And breathe. With help, it'll process out. We're here.

 

While I don't know the particulars of your exact situation enough to be in your shoes, I know what that feeling is like, and I swear to you, it will get better. It takes a little time, but if you're open with your therapist and follow your treatment plan, it really, really will. I promise. You're not alone.

 

I'm a complete shambles just now, aren't I?

My partner and I are chatting via WhatsApp as much as work and her generally rubbishness at checking her messages will permit.

I know watching me fall apart might have been stressful for her, especially given how heavily I was leaning on her for support, so maybe she needs time away from me.

That hurt to type.

We've always said we'd take bullets for each other and maybe this exile to HQ is one hit I need to take for her. I can say, based on admittedly limited experience, that bullets hurt less.

 

Whinge: I know they think they are trying to help me, but my work have put me in a job that is literally- no joking- how I imagine Hell: all alone in a small, dingy office, doing repetitive work that doesn't matter. If it weren't for my partner's occasional WhatsApp messages urging me to stay strong I might actually have walked out by now.

I wasn't suicidal before, regardless of their little panic, but I'm heading that way now. I had to go and cry in the toilets twice.

My first counselling session isn't for a week and a half. Gagh.

 

Are there financial reasons you can't actually walk out? I was in a similar situation and I left never to return. If you don't find the work fulfilling (I didn't either, I found office work to be completely soul-less) then you really need to take charge of the situation and look for something else.

 

I love my job.

What they've got me doing just now is not my job. They think they're helping by taking me away from stressful situations and taking my gun away. They've actually dumped me in the environment I find more stressful than any other.

 

The key in that case lies in remembering that this is a temporary situation, it's not forever and apart from taking time out completely, sounds like the best option for not only you but others too.

 

I know that's the theory, but I feel so much worse than I did a week ago.

Anyway, I'm turning this place into my whingey blog.

I'll give you guys peace for a bit.

 

So lately I've been trying to improve myself as a person and I've found that it's a bit difficult to do that when I'm not taking good care of myself. Dragging myself out of bed in the morning is painfully difficult, I'm constantly exhausted, hygiene is a chore, I usually only eat one meal a day with a couple of snacks. Some days I skip eating entirely because it's too much work to make myself a sandwich or something (I'm not trying to be lazy, it's just genuinely tiring and I feel like I can't do it).
I can't seem to figure out a way to start caring for myself. Every time I try, I end up giving up because I'm overwhelmed and I'm not sure where to start. I want to start with something simple and easy, but something that will help me.
Any advice?

Side note: I'm about 17 and still in high school

 

HowToADHD made a video on self care that I like. (It doesn't demand that you have ADHD.)



She mentions several of the same things you mentioned, but maybe the vibe of the video might help?

 

I live in a very rural area... basically the middle of nowhere. There are no good doctors within a reasonable distance from where I live.
As for the symptoms, I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety before, but I don't like medication or therapy.

 

I will state this from personal experience: Not eating makes everything worse. Even moreso than not sleeping. The brain cannot function well when it thinks it's starving, and low blood sugar from not eating makes people with no brain chemistry problems act differently. So, the first thing I do is to try to force myself to eat well. Having easy, high-protein things in the fridge like Greek yogurt and hummus are a must for me.

 

I'm gonna have to make a new grocery list when I get over this cold then lmao. I live off of microwavable burritos and ramen noodle cups

 

I hate being tempted by what I can't get, won't get, shouldn't get.

 

I feel like crawling in a hole and seeling the entrance. I decided to think and even talk a little about some hard topics last night and I'm paying for it today. My mind is in overdrive trying to protect itself. It's silently yelling at me that ignorance is bliss. Yet another part keeps pushing the hard topics to the surface. Like a dead body no longer weighed down. Floating to the surface in it's disgusting state. I don't want to look at it.

 

Today I found myself wishing that some sort of minor-but-debilitating misfortune would befall my partner, leading to her being sent where I am in order to recuperate.

Not for the first time recently, I'm disgusted with myself.

After talking with my counsellor I've accepted that I am, in fact, crazy in love with my partner. So I'm betraying her and my wife.

I'm a terrible person.

 

Sending you good vibes and a gigantic hug, if you want it, because I could have written those exact words this past December. Maybe call your therapist, if you have one, so they can help you sort it out.

Please know that even though it may feel like it, you're not alone. We're here for you.

 

That's very nice and thoughtful, thank you. I'm in a good place overall. Reliable moods, happiness, and such. Therefore, this moment isn't too trying. I think that's why I'm thinking about these things... Because I've been in a good place for a long while now--feeling safe and recovered from bad times.

I hope you're doing well too.

 

Based on what you've shared here? No, you're not. You're a person who's going through a lot and is in the process of figuring out a lot of stuff.

Sending you good vibes and a big virtual hug, Priv.

 

I do enjoy when she puts up new videos.
This one is about ways to deal with the wall of awful.