I stay the hell out of their lives, haven’t communicated with most of my family in twenty years, and they don’t cost me a dime.
i seem to be moving very slow for my mother-in-law. Graduated from high school and she says "when are you getting married?"....Moved in with her son after college and she says "whens the wedding date"..... got married the summer of this year and she says "when are you having kids?"
i was helping a woman last night and her small child walks over to her, buries her face into her mom's leg, coughs into her moms leg and then wipes her nose ON HER LEG, and then goes about her business. The mom didnt even bat an eye.
By diverting some slimy things you can greatly reduce your chances of having to deal with the slimies of the second sort, however.
I did that too. Then (re)married later in life and had twins -- the parents of my nephews greatly enjoyed getting even.
that moment when your spelling and grammar was so horrible on facebook that some poor sap felt offended enough to go to your facebook page, and screenshot your bio where it says that you have a degree in English Literature in an attempt to shame you. ....facebook is not that serious, bud. I dont really care how i type on facebook, text message, or even on here (unless im asking for critique). its not like my response to you is my crowning achievement in life or A+ work
That moment when you forget you no longer live in the night and even though you try really hard to be a night owl, your daytime hours just make you a drunk toddler.
Same. Although I think it works a little backwards for me. Now I get up so early unwillingly that I'm a morning owl? It's annoying and odd.
TMW you politely ask your Uber driver to change the Christmas music. Followed by the moment when he pretends to ignore you. Followed by TMW you threaten to kill him and his entire family if he doesn't turn fucking Jingle Bells off. (Not really, but, Lord, I really wanted to!)
Excuse you, but Jingle Bells is a Thanksgiving song. It might be the only Thanksgiving song, honestly, so I won’t abide by this revisionist history nonsense trying to appropriate it for Christmas.
TMW you realize that the magic of winter solstice and a thousand pagan celebrations is the only way to make Christian ones palatable
That moment when, flipping through your movie collection, you realize the Mad Hatter, Willy Wonka, Edward Scissorhands, Jack Sparrow, and Tom Hanson are all played by the same man. Johnny Depp has to be a shapeshifter, the characters don't even sound like the same man.
Johnny Depp can be fun, but for real shapeshifting check out Gary Oldman and Daniel Day Lewis. Oldman (chopped down from his Wikipedia entry): Sid Vicious Rosencrantz Lee Harvey Oswald Count Dracula [C]orrupt DEA agent Norman Stansfield, whom Oldman portrayed in Léon: The Professional (1994), has been ranked as one of cinema's best villains. Ludwig van Beethoven Sirius Black in the Harry Potter series, James Gordon in The Dark Knight Trilogy, George Smiley in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (2011), a human leader in Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (2014), Winston Churchill Daniel Day Lewis has less of a range (!), having only been in six films in the last twenty years, but he's got three Best Actor awards out of it.
TMW you finally sort your fridge out, find ancient milk and cream, and think you may have discovered how cheese is made. (I went to Cheddar Gorge once and they explained the process, but that was a very long time ago.) EDIT: Don't worry, I'm not actually planning to complete the process and eat it.
That moment when you're hair is easily long enough to be in a ponytail, but the front half of your mane is just short enough that a slight breeze slips it free of everything that is not half a gallon of hair gel and refuses to grow any further.
... you realise your education is lacking when you're watching University Challenge and don't even understand the questions, let alone know the answers.