Share and Care

If I'm not mistaken you're still at university aren't you? If so, that's part of the problem. You've been writing with the goal of scoring good grades and there's nothing at all wrong with that. We have to start somewhere and many times that's university. The problem is forgetting that we can also write to communicate with others outside of the professor/student dynamic, or we become so entrenched in the "academic" groove we can't see the rest of the road for the rut.

If you have time sit down and write something, anything at all, that isn't geared toward a class or assignment. See where that takes you.

When you leave campus and enter the real world your perspective will change and you'll see the many opportunities to write for yourself and others without the specter of "will Dr. So and So approve?" hanging over you.

 

I have the same attitude.

Spoiler: rant...

I've found over the years that my traits change as I develop and heal; it seems logical to me that as I do these things change will also occur with the types of traits I have and their current levels.

I used to be predominently introvert; now I'm far more an ambivert, due to the past I had huge low self esteem thus I avoided connecting with the outside world. I was imbalanced and spent too much time being the disconnected observer and not an participant; now I know you can percieve different information while immersed in participation that you could solely being an outide observer.

I'm still primarily introvert, though now I can socialise and engage externally like the extroverts normally do. I find being an ambivert is a balanced approach to the so called opposites I have within.

I've always treated personality tests and the spiritual ones - astrology, numerology, aura readings, etc as guides only, not as facts set in stone. I've had many extremely accurate aura readings, Western astrology sessions; I've also found Chinese astrology and Mayan astrology to be extremely accurate. Never 100% accurate, but hitting the nail on the head on important elements.

Intersting thing I experience with numerology is the deeper it goes, the less accurate it was in defining me. The initial definitions were extremely accurate , in that it accurately mirrored what I already knew of myself, but when it came to attitudes, behaviours etc about specifc elements of life we folks can engage in, the accuracy kept dropping, as if Numerology can only provide a rough view of the nature of a specifc person's soul, but is incapable of the fine details that make up the precise individuality of us humanses.

I don't get a reading or do a test to tell me who I am and what I should do; I do them to either confirm what I'm already thinking about myself and the directions I desire to take. They have often provided info to expand my own view, offered avenues I had not considered, but I've never treated them as absolute authorities on determining myself; that's my responsibility to develop my abilities to know and define myself; IOWs, I use them as helpful tools only.

And also agree with your thoughts about how as we fluctuate on a given day, the personality tests will give a diffeent result, and yes, sometimes the explanations can be that vague that it could apply to anyone.

 

Well said. I totally agree.

I mean, one could take a single, predominantly INFJ trait like "foresight" (the ability to predict future outcomes with decent accuracy by means of pattern-finding) and say that scientists must be INFJs. It's just not that simple. On that note, I think the whole "celebrity typing" is lame and dubious; was Nostradamus an INFJ because of his predictions? I wouldn't mind as much if it was made out to be nothing more than a bit of fun, rather than treated with any significant degree of seriousness.

I guess I'd also mind less if the celebrities were actually alive, and had actually taken the test, rather than using educated guesswork at best. Instead (and I'm partly projecting here) it seems to take advantage of, say, creative types who have literary idols, or aspire to be like a certain actress, and it's a false sense of reassurance to think you share the same type.

He has a good video about this:



Have you ever had a Tarot reading done? Was always curious and wanted to buy a deck and learn to do it myself, for myself, because out of all these different systems Tarot appears to rely entirely on symbolism and one's personal reflection and interpretation of it.

 

I hear you!

It would appear that the deeper issue is really one of approval, and has much less to do with professors specifically, although sometimes it may manifest that way.

There are some things I don't care about some of the time. There may be a few things I don't care about at all. But at the end of the day I'm no different than many others who would like some sort of approval from their writing. Why else would I be writing for others? If it was *only* for myself, it'd stay in a hand-written journal.

Certainly, others' approval is not the only reason to write. And even for me, it's not the most important of reasons. Still, the most difficult challenge I face is writing something that I approve of myself. I've written dozens upon dozens more non-fiction pieces that I felt were satisfactory, as opposed to only a handful of fiction pieces. But you can do things with fiction that can't be done with non-fiction, and so I masochistically struggle on. I'm not about to sit down, take the ideas that came to me as fiction, and mangle them into some non-fiction dumpster fire, in the same way I wouldn't take a girl and insist she be a boy or take a square and insist it be round.

Sometimes I don't even need approval. I just need validation that people at least understand and have read what I wrote. This is the case for the rare times where I actually don't expect many (or any) people to approve of / relate to what I have to say, yet I feel obligated to say my piece regardless.

 

Quite true.

I can edit forever. Literally. Deadlines prevent it but given the opportunity, I'd be revising user manuals I wrote in 2004. Don't feel bad about that. Don't let that feeling of "it isn't quite there" prevent you from proceeding either.

 

I can as well. It would seem that your capability is always a bit ahead of your output, and if you're always improving then you can revise the same thing forever, until eventually the only way you could make it better would be to rewrite it completely.

Alas, my frustrations with fiction are of a different sort. It's hard to explain, but I know how it feels to constantly and compulsively go over something, where you know it's good but there's that part of you that keeps saying "but you can make it better right now!" I actually have an easy time acknowledging when something is good enough.

My struggles with fiction are something else entirely. I usually hate what I write. That's rarely ever the case with my non-fiction, where I typically might just feel dissatisfied.

 

I'm the same. I can re-edit and enjoy every session, though driven by a mix of both a rational judgement it requires improvment due to observable errors or can be made better (iow - I enjoy producing quality), and an irrational pursuit of perfection.

Spoiler: rant...

I've noticed the re-editing only occurs with some creative works. If I build something around the house, I do spend some time planning and making the end result have some sort of quality to it, but as long as it works, the visual aesthetics are low on the list. Often I enjoy the fact the product looks like a piece of shit yet works so well.

Then when it comes to writing, I tend to do a lot of editing. I've done a small amount of electronic music creation; this is also where I spend a lot of time editing and tweaking. Same with sketches.

This is one thing I've figured out about myself when I create. If the end product is for others, I tend to spend a lot of time editing and tweaking. If the product is just for me or of practical use, not much time is spent.

I tend to do just good enough for my own use and will endeavour to make something as best as possible for others. Not so others will think higher of me, but I want to give something of quality to the other due to my love for them.

 

Agreed.

Spoiler: rant...

What I've noticed about myself over the years is my level of critical thinking is proportional to my beliefs and level of influence from external sources.
That is, if I listen to new info and I have an initial resonance with it, I can easily take it onboard as fact and make it a part of my psyche. But if I take the time to think it through, and weigh it up against a host of interconnecting elements, I may find the initial statement is either bs, full of error or slightly off track due to not considering the interconnected implications.

It's like one can go through life simply obsorbing headlines, and thus form conclusions from them, as opposed to reading the full story to get the intricate details which could change your conclusions. I used to skim the surface of reality, but am now predominently a depth dweller. It takes me longer to come to conclusions and decide on actions, but for the most part, my progress surpasses those that still skim in order to move as fast as possible.

I find the initial results from these tests skim the surface, but as I delve into the info, often a different picture forms. Though I do value the initial info for it enables me to venture down paths I hadn't considered.

I think it depends on the individual's attitude towards themeself and celebrities. Some see celebrities as being better than themselves thus they desire to be connected to them in some manner.

I've always ignored the celebrity mentions in such tests, though never thought about them never having taken the test, but have been presumed to fit those traits by the creators of the site. Just more reason to dismiss any celebrity connections.

I've had several. Two predominent ones: one was grossly inaccurate, the other profoundly accurate. Based on my own thoughts and of some practitioners of various spiritual practices I've known over the years, it's not the cards themselves that do the work, that has the power to predict and reveal; it's the quality of the practitioner, their connection to the tools they use to see beyond the range of the five senses and of common reasoning.

This is why, regardless if with crystal ball, tarot, aura photo, astrology, etc, some readings evoke a profound sense of awe and some leave you cringing and laughing about how dumb it is. The ability to see is in the seer, not the devices they use; which of course is so logical - to see, one needs to have the ability to see, and a card made of paper doesn't have this attribute; a person does - and they see with the use of the card.

Folks I've talked to say they were drawn to the particular tools they use. Some folks can use many types, and some only rez with one. If you want to try tarot cards, I think you should give it a go, and get some guidance off a practitioner that you judge is a quality practitioner, for it's not about head knowledge of learning what each card means; it's to do with your soul connection to a particular medium.

 

I've watched the Frank James INFJ vids.

My initial impression is he's kinda fatalistic, in that he seems to point to his INFJ traits as the cause of his soul issues, and because it's his personality type, he can't do anything about it, that's he's destined to remain messed up, always struggling with the non-beneficial aspects of his soul.

Thumbsup for sharing info on the dysfunctional aspects of INFJ; it demystifies and helps folks understand themselves better, but it seems he doesn't provide any answers or means to combat or rectify the dysfunctional elements of that type.

Would like to hear other's opinion of his vids?

 

Just watched the two LSOO LOTR vids.
Mein himmel, so good, so much info to ponder.

 

Another bloke I've come across and subscribed to

Spoiler: vid...a quiet mind

Spoiler: vid...solitude

 

Gabor Mate - How emotions affect our cognitive functioning.

Spoiler: vid...

 

Depends on the video. In that one, Frank James does talk a lot about the struggles of being an INFJ, but that's mainly to help understand it. You're right that it probably would've been a good idea to end that video with strategies and advice for overcoming those weaknesses. I wouldn't necessarily say he's fatalistic; in other videos he's expressed that personality theory isn't going to perfectly describe any individual, and that it doesn't perfectly describe himself either.

---

Want to start on my WIP, but something is stopping me. I think I need to do a shitty bullet-point outline. Maybe the problem is I don't completely understand where I want it to go, yet.

 

I find all three of his vids similar. I'll paraphrase my interpretation.

Spoiler: short...

'Im an INFJ, all INFJs are screwed because we have these unique negative personality traits that make it hard to interface with reality'.

All the INFJ vids I've seen, about 2 dozen, they all have a similar attitude, they're INFJs and they have lots of negative traits that make it difficult to interface in society.

I'm INFJ and I've sorted my negative traits out, thus the qualities unique to INFJs, that these vid authors lament about and think can't be fixed, have yet to realise that negative traits are in all personality types, not just INFJs, and all one has to do, regardless of what type you are, is to have a jolly good soul exploration and sort your shit out, thus the positive qualities of your INFJ type can shine forth unhindered.

- Calling it shitty might be one thing that's stopping you.
- Perhaps bullet pointing will reveal the parts you haven't yet worked out thus would be of help; I think, after all, it's called 'point', it's to point things out.

Spoiler: tiny...

When I was overwhelmed by the size my book was becoming, as I had years of article-sized works under my belt, I wrote a chapter called TL;DR.
This chapter summarized the whole book (that which was written and still in me mindtank) into one short chapter. The revelations of what caused my depressions and how I solved them were summarised into 9 bullet points.
- I then used the bullet points to keep an eye on the whole book to weed out anything that wasn't directly speaking about the points.
- They were also used to keep the chapters inline with the steps I took on my journey.

 

That's not the vibe I get from the videos I've seen, but that's certainly an attitude, so I'll agree to disagree. The last paragraph is actually what I took away from Frank's videos so I think we're just splitting hairs.

"Shitty" in the sense of avoiding perfectionistic paralysis. Similarly to the way that one needs to accept a certain degree of "shittyness" in their first drafts, which are remedied via redrafting.

I am at the stage where it would be better to have a "shitty" bullet-point outline than not having one at all.

 

I think we unique human beings will percieve in our unique ways, thus you and I see the vid differently; no harm, no foul by either of us I think.

Spoiler: Rant: tiny...

I'd rather watch a vid where the person spends a small amount of time explaining the problem, then spends the rest of the vid sharing his\her journey on how they fixed it.

I was prewired and have developed my passion and skills for proactively sorting problems out, thus am not a fan of folks who publicly go on and on about their problems; especially when they don't even ask if anyone has any idea on what to do about it, or share how they cope or have fixed it.

Ahh, I'd never have interpreted it that way.

Spoiler: Rant: Tiny...

I remain amazed that we humans can actually correctly understand each other and society doesn't self implode in light of how different meanings can be expressed using common words.

I've learnt to seek clarification, but still often don't because I'm sure I understood the person's meaning. And when misunderstood, if not remedied, that's when relationships can run aground, sink, or folks can find themselves distancing due to the increase in storms arising from the ever increasing misunderstanding.

 

I know what you mean. When two people have very different ways of communicating, problems can arise where there actually weren't any. I also find it a miracle that millions of people can live together and it doesn't explode within 48 hours.

In ENG175 we discussed sentence ambiguity, which my "shitty bullet-point outline" was a prime example of.

Right now in my ENG175 course we're talking about vertical and horizontal communication and its relationship to the ways in which men and women tend to use language differently. It would appear to me that something as innocuous as that can be the culprit of issues in some relationships. The first step toward fixing that is accepting that there are differences between men and women, including the way they think, and consequently the way they communicate. Recognizing that and making an effort to understand how the other gender (by and large, temporarily ignoring outliers) operates can help resolve or prevent problems.

I think it's sometimes better to take the approach that you've understood somebody else, while simultaneously having faith that the person will correct you if they believe you've misunderstood them without automatically getting defensive and assuming you were doing it on purpose. I agree with you that it becomes very problematic when people do not seek to clarify and set the record straight. What also interests me is the manipulation of language in instances of gas-lighting; similarly, the disregard for intention.

Disregarding intention is just as destructive as disregarding perception. That is to say, when you say you might have asked for clarification, I say I ought to have rephrased what I said to avoid ambiguity. Both are correct. Communication is a two way street.

 

I've noticed in my experiences that gender isn't an issue regarding misunderstanding.

Spoiler: Rant: Medium...

I've also noticed that, sadly, many folks (the majority of folks I've actually interacted with) would rather hold onto the misunderstanding than take the time to delve in to clear the matter up.
Sometimes due to the discomfort of thinking there's something wrong with themselves that created the misunderstanding (which I think is an incorrect assessment).
Sometimes due to thinking it'd be a hard slog to sort it out because they think I'd be incapable due to misunderstanding in the first place.
Sometimes due to desiring to hold onto any offence resulting from the misunderstanding; that they'd rather dislike me and distance themselves instead of the opposite.

Granted, I've also had enough positive experiences (to keep doing it) of folks sorting out a misunderstanding and both enjoying the process and positive results of knowing me and themselves better, thus choosing to take the lessons onboard to construct their thoughts better, or realize others may interpret differently, and also to not be offended so easily when a problem arises.

I like interactions because regardless of how experienced one is, each new encounter is a trip into the unknown, thus one has to be alert, even if you've conversed with that person a million times.

Misunderstandings are a natural element of interactions, and I find it's soul issues that make them so difficult for folks to deal with. Thus I have to limit myself in my enthusiasm to resolve an issue; I have to set myself to the same level of the other, and of course I can only theorise what that level is.

So I still test the unknown waters, and from the responses I'll recieve, I'll then work out if I should delve in more or leave them alone. It's also been a huge benefit to sort my shit out, thus I'm quite secure in myself, thus I'm no longer bothered when folks retain incorrect or unfavourable thoughts and feelings about me.

 

Many moons ago I encountered a bloke in a forum who'd become quite upset when presented with what he judged were 'double bind' questions.

Spoiler: Backstory...

Due to my attitude at the time, I never saw them as DBs, and back then I never even understood what a DB was (learning about them within the interactions and judging they weren't). I asked my typical explorative questions that I'd usually ask of many folks encountered online in order to increase understanding, and if I saw any, respectfully point out any errors I saw in their belief system or statements.

But this bloke had an unusual perception; he and several others at that forum all shared the same spiritual belief system, thus it was a hard slog to get anywhere with these folks, thus lots of questions in order to understand their position that they felt extremely convinced was the absolute truth about reality, and I always found it odd that some of them would be offended, feel threatened and either go fight or flight mode with me, even though they felt so secure within their truth.

A DB question is, whichever way you answer, the result is the same, you're damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
The classic example: Have you stopped beating your wife?
Which is - assumption of bad thing + question about frequency.
If you answer yes or no, you're still admitting you beat your wife, even though you don't and never have.

This got me thinking about his difficulty to answer my genuine inquiries, and how he was convinced they were DBs, and how he couldn't answer them without incriminating himself. I'd look at the questions and could easily see how to honestly answer them without any incrimination, which got me thinking about other social interactions where folks get upset or feel entrapped, threatened or offended within a conversation or interaction and can't figure out how to resolve the issue.

So here's three examples of such things, double binds, caught between a rock and a hard place; also including problems, puzzles, mysteries and experiences that leave one confounded, and how to get out of them, solve them or increase understanding.

1 of 3: Painting yourself into a corner.

- You're painting the floor of a room.
- You start at the only opening to this windowless room, a door in a corner, and you paint till you find yourself at the diagonally opposite corner.
- You have no means to travel above the floor to get to the exit.
- No climbing along walls or hanging from ceiling.
- In other words, the only way out is to travel on the floor to get out.
- The paint will be wet for hours and you have to leave now.

How do you get out?

Spoiler: Solution...

Simple. You just walk on the floor and out through the doorway.

Spoiler: My take...

The only reason why you perceive\judge you're trapped is you don't want to walk on the wet paint.
You're literally trapped in the room by your own thoughts about the situation.
The external elements of the situation have literally no power over you, no control over your being.
What keeps you trapped in the room is your own power controlled by your thoughts and feelings of the external elements of the situation, of any negative, harmful, unpleasant consequences you can envision that you desire to avoid if you did walk on the wet paint.

Attitude - " A manner of thinking, feeling, or behaving that reflects a state of mind or disposition."

Many times it's only our attitude that's keeping one trapped or stuck in a situation or offended or feeling threatened, or any other negative sensations one can experience.

The puzzle to solve is not how to get out of the room, but why one perceives, believes, feels one is trapped with no way out.

 

2 of 3.

Draw a rectangle with 3 straight lines.

Spoiler: Solution...

Simple. Draw a regular rectangle that is comprised of 4 lines, then draw 3 lines next to it.
Thus you have a rectangle with 3 straight lines.

Spoiler: My take...

If you couldn't solve the puzzle, as I couldn't when first experienced, maybe like me, it's due to how you interpreted the sentence and the conclusion of it's meaning you either consciously or unconsciously regarded as correct.

Most likely you interpreted the '3 straight lines' is the instrument to create the rectangle due to the connecting word "with"; and of course, one can't draw a 4 sided shape with 3 straight lines.

Generally speaking, puzzles intentionally created, have solutions, so if you couldn't figure it out, the problem is once again, one's attitude and perception. For it seems to me that an element of human nature is to feel good when correct, and we don't like being wrong. We're proud of being right and are ashamed or feel bad when wrong.

The conclusion '3 straight lines' is the drawing instrument, has to be wrong, but if one doesn't like being wrong, one will unconsciously avoid reassessment of the initial conclusion, thus you remain unable to solve the puzzle. When assigning 'correct' or 'true' to a conclusion, no further examination is required if we're convinced we're right.

You're blocked from solving the puzzle, again, by your own perception and thoughts of the sentence and of your mental capabilities. Your interpretation of the sentence meaning is believed to be correct and is the only conclusion\belief that fits...yet the reality is it's completely wrong, but you can't see this because you believe it's totally correct.

You have bound yourself to one conclusion and cannot move beyond it to see if there is any other way to interpret the sentence. You've blinded yourself to other possibilities by your beliefs but you're not conscious of this having occured because it can happen in your subconscious, below the range of your conscious sight\awareness.

Sometimes you're aware you know how you view and think is possibly the cause of being unable to solve it, but you may not have the ability to venture beyond your current state. Not having the ability, I think, is mainly due to lack of experience of venturing outside one's box, to one's accumulated storehouse of knoweldge, so it's not that one is incapable, but simply inexperience, which can be misjudged as incapable.
Often it's, "You don't know until you try", or , "I never knew I had it in me."

There's always two elements to a problem, the problem and the person engaged with it. Often, in order to solve a problem, it takes more than just examination of the problem, one also has to examine oneself.

This seems self evident and logical, because to solve a problem requires a conscious thinking being to examine all the elements of the problem, but it seems it's common in humans to forget to self examine to make sure one isn't part of the reason for not being able to solve it.

 

3 of 3.

The story is this puzzle was presented to a king in an eastern country many moons ago. The king was amazed and grateful as the solution was finally presented to him after all the wise people in his country couldn't solve it. A renowned sufi monk was wandering through the country, and thus it was he who solved the puzzle, after being summoned by the king to do so. Due to the story being a teaching parable, I suspect the puzzle wasn't just some amusement to share. I think it was more about teaching a profound truth about existence and the way we interface with it.

- A length of rope is placed on the floor.
- The task is to make the piece of rope longer, but you're not allowed to touch it, directly or indirectly.
- How do you make the rope longer?

Spoiler: solution...

After all the wise folks of the country couldn't solve it, the sufi monk placed a shorter length of rope next to the original one and declared to the king, "The rope is now longer."
The king was blown away.

I think this quote relates to it quite well...

Spoiler: rant: medium...

"In the sky, there is no distinction of east and west; people create distinctions out of their own minds and then believe them to be true." - Buddha

Our conclusions about existence are not automatically always correct.
That the thoughts we formulate to define something, are not always correct.
That our perception\interpretations are not always correct.
That just because we label something with descriptive words, that everyone, the majority or one other agrees with and utilises, doesn't always make the thing have the qualities we've assigned to it.

But if you believe your conclusions are correct, then in your mind's eye, in your perception, the thing actually does appear as you have judged it, even though it may actually not be. Such is the nature of belief upon perception and thinking. That when we observe the world, it's usually filtered through subconscious beliefs, and we're no longer seeing existence as it actually is, but only how we believe it is...and if you're convinced how you see existence is correct\factual\true, then you have no reason to self exam.

The other issue is Context. On it's own the rope can't be defined as short or long. It's just a piece of rope. Place a shorter piece next to it, it's now a long piece. Place a longer piece next to it, it's now a short piece.
How can a piece of rope be both long and short? When it's assigned a value against other things in the enviroment of the observer. The context - the thinking observer defines things in accordance with one's definition of other things.

Labeling things is most useful. Assigning definitions helps us navigate effectively and efficiently.
It's a most useful tool in our communicative interactions.
If I need a 7m piece of rope out of a pile, it's no use to me if I ask my friend to bring me a piece of rope, for it may be too short. And in this scenario, both of us agree what a 7m piece is.

The problem with our subjective way of interfacing is when folks have different values assigned to the same thing (like in my River Bait story), and often when one is convinced theirs is correct and they fight for it to be accepted by all, or they think there's something wrong with someone who has a different take on the matter. Not everything in life can be agreed upon, thus problems arise when folks can't allow others to have a different opinion, a different perception of the situation.

Music: some people will hate\dislike you for liking a band they don't like. Yet what adverse affect will your personal preferences and judgement have on one's music listening experiences? None whatsoever...but argue, hate\dislike, ridicule and devalue is what some of us do to each other, even though we all interface subjectively, thus for many things, there is no universally correct definition.

These folks think they're fighting for truth, but all they're doing is fighting for relative truth, for superiority, or what I think happens more often, they're trying to counter their feelings of inferiority and imperfection.

 

Some Jordan Peterson

Spoiler: vid...

Spoiler: vid...

 

4 of 3

How does a wounded bird fly?
- the poor widdle bird's wing is wounded, in case one's critically thinking there's a trick to the puzzle; like only the bird's claw is wounded, or it's emotionally wounded.
- oh, also, no putting bird on a plane or some other machines that flies.
- bird has to fly using it's own bod.

 

“An old-timer I knew used to tell his students: ‘Find something you love to do and you’ll never have to work a day in your life’.” - Arthur Szathmary

Spoiler: Rant: Decent size...

Decades ago I taught my kids this concept, that the best job to have when you become an adult is one you love to do; thus a hobby or creative skill you have that you can earn a living off: artist, musician, actor, as the most common ones, or a job that utilizes the abilities you like about yourself. e,g,. if you like tinkering with machines, become a mechanic.

For it seems as children, it's common to dread becoming an adult, for this means we have to work, like we see our parents doing, at home and at their jobs. We no longer can fill our days up with care-free playing. As a child, a lot of things are done for us, and if we weren't gradually taught that work is a natural part of life and how to enjoy it or at least not be so negative towards it, as adults we could end up spending too much time disliking the work we have to do, thus experience perpetual suffering for we all have to do work.

But years later, after my Buddha Nature experience in the psych ward, I discovered a far better attitude to have, one that was slowly cooking away deep inside, that I'd notice from time to time, thus contemplate and try to develop, that became a profound revelation within my psychward experience.

Paraphrasing the quote - Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life.

What I realized - Love what you do and you'll never work another day in your life.

This realization was clearly seen in an incident while rehabing at my brother and sis in law's place a few weeks later.

As I began to find my footing within the reality outside of the safe environs of the psychward, I chose to help out around the house, not only to say thanks to my rellies for taking me in during my rebuilding phase, but getting back to work, being productive, was part of the process.

I asked what I can do. Outside I'd recently begun raking and slowly landscaping the disused duck pond for me brother. Inside, Sis offered I do the dishes from now on, as though she deeply enjoys cooking, she hates washing dishes.

I said no probs, I can do that. And I noticed something quite remarkable about the usually mundane and often displeasurable experience of washing dishes. It was deeply enjoyable. It filled me with a similar amount of wonder and joy that I'd have while spending time in nature or doing the creative things I like. I had no doubt the eastern philosophies I begun reading two years earlier had a profound influence on this new attitude.

On one particular weekend, a big family do was organised and I had to wash dishes a few times throughout the day. Sis checked with me that I wasn't being negatively overloaded. The convo went something like this...

Sis: Are you okay, you've been at the sink for a long time, and soon there'll be more dishes?

Me: I smile that profound peaceful smile that I've acquired, that some family members still interpret as a sign of madness, 'Sis, I could wash dishes all day long. I could wash dishes non-stop for the rest of my life and be thoroughly joyful within every moment.'

Sis: Are you being sarcastic? You can stop if it's too much for you.

Me: No Sis. Here's what washing dishes is like for me. The feel of the hot water is a wonderful sensation and has me contemplating alll manner of things about being human and the relationshsip we have with temperature and water, especially how much I like water.

I marvel at the sounds of the ceramic dishes and metal pots and pans and utensils as they come together. The textural feel of them all in my hands, the slipperyness they acquire from the detergent, the squeekyiness after they've been rinsed. The shimmering from the sunlight on the tiny waves in the sink.
Everything about the experience of doing dishes is a profound delight. Doing dishes is as much a pleasurable experience as going for my morning walks or riding me MTB.

Sis just looked at me as if I've gone mad, because she hates the task so much, she can only conclude an insane person would love doing dishes and speaking of it as I did.

Me: Sis, I love doing dishes. I'm enjoying the experience and appreciate the opportunity to experience such a wonderful element of life. This task, is my life. I can either dislike my life or enjoy it. I see so much to enjoy in the experience of washing dishes, what is not to like about it.

And so the convo ended, though it seems Sis didn't have the same revelation I had, but it seems she took what I said as worth considering instead of thinking I was mad.

So the realization had become complete in me, it's not about finding something you like doing, which must also include avoiding that which you don't like. It's about developing the attitude to enjoy everything you have to do. This development has to include resolving any issues that cause you to dislike something.

And I don't mean one has to appreciate every element in life. It's not a cessation of personal preferences. I mean, having an attitude to enjoy, or at least, not have any negativity towards the common day to day tasks one has to perform as an adult, and then, develop it even further to cease being adversely affected by commonly judged negative experiences.

A few months later, through an intuitive encounter with a street preacher, I discovered I also enjoy the experience of being insulted, denigrated, devalued. I'm no longer adversely affected by other's unfavourable opinions of me. I enjoy the experience the same as when complimented; though of course, the enjoyment is for different reasons.

"Fear not a jest (or insult). If one throws salt at you, you will not be harmed unless you have sore places." - Latin Proverb

I see there's two ways to perform a task one has to do, in the context of one's normal day to day life. One chooses to either enjoy themselves or not.

The Contessa, upon hearing how I now enjoy the experience of being insulted, or at the least, remain calmly unfazed, stated that's insane, for the normal\rational way to respond to an insult is to be hurt, and either avoid the insulter and hate them and\or attack them back.

I asked her, who's having the better life, the person repeatedly deeply hurt and enraged with anger and hate and feeling bad about themself, or the one remaining calm and\or joyful. It seems to me that being deeply hurt and the rest of the negatives, is the insane way to live, and remaining calm or joyful, the sane way.

Same with work. I think it insane to hate work, and sane to love it.
I regard insanity as having soul issues that causes one to struggle to enjoy the simplicity of being. And I know all about such suffering. And now I know a decent amount in order to no longer suffer, or at the least, greatly decrease it, and to turn it off quickly if it ever manifests.

 

5 of 3

My Dawta posed this to me many moons ago:
You're on a journey.
The Sky Spiders have flown you as far as their complex religion will allow.
What do you do?