I'm writing my story in 3rd person omniscient POV. In one scene my main character is being abducted (unsuccessfully). The readers are introduced to the abductor in the beginning. Therefore, we know who the abductor is, but of course, the character doesn't. Is it okay to use the abductor's name in the scene or should I use my main characters POV during the scene and leave his name out? Ex: Jason dragged Brie toward the entrance. or He dragged Brie toward the entrance. Thanks
If you've already introduced the abductor by name, use it in the scene. It's "Who knows whom", btw. (I don't apologise for being a grammar nazi on a writing forum!)
Use the name since it's third-person omniscient. Perspective doesn't really matter there other than when you are referring to the character you're telling the story from. It's hard to get singular perspectives for characters in third-person omniscient. Just use the name since the reader's already met him.
How does this sound? I'm really worried about head-hopping, and this doesn't feel right. I'm wondering if I should consider switching to 3rd person limited. Please note this is my first real attempt at writing and this is the first draft. Brie collided with a wall of a man. He was tall and slender but robust. Embarrassed, she looked into his coal-black eyes. Jason’s eyes flashed anger then softened. His heart skipped a beat, it was Sara [1st victim]. He hadn’t seen her for two months. Not since they last played the game north of Cheyenne. Would she fall into his arms like the first time, or start the game right away? A surge of adrenaline hit Brie like a ton of bricks. Her face paled as her pupils dilated and muscles tensed. The need to get the hell out of there flooded every cell. Brie forced herself to steady her breathing. She had no reason to worry. It had been a simple accident, that’s all. “I am so terribly sorry.” She was mortified as the bellman attempted to choke back a snorting laugh behind her. She felt the heat rising to her cheeks. “No harm done,” Jason ran a hand through his oily black hair. Game on. Thank you
Sorry dude, we can't critique writing outside the Workshop (other than the first/last three sentences thread).
Yeah, gotta do that first, @TScream. A couple of critiques and a few Writing Prompts 'll clear those right up!
Thank you! As soon as I meet the requirements I will post the whole scene. I currently have 33,000 words, it's the furthest I have ever gotten in my writing attempts.
I think, when it comes to your original dilemma, @TScream , you might want to consider whose Point of View you're using in each scene. You might be getting into a bit of a fankle because of head-swapping here. By that, I mean using multiple points of view in the same scene. It's not forbidden, of course, but it does make things complicated. My own rule of thumb about naming characters is this: If the name of a character is known to the POV character in the scene, then name the character for the reader ...even if the reader hasn't met the character yet. If a character knocks on his sister's front door, for example, and his sister answers the door, there is no point in telling the reader, 'a woman answered his knock.' It's creating unnecessary mystery, which drags the reader out of the story while they wonder, gee, who could that 'woman' BE? I was expecting his sister ...oh.... If the character IS a stranger to the the POV character, however, then it's okay to refer to 'the man,' or 'the old woman,' or whatever—even if the reader HAS met that character before. If you want the reader to figure out that it's good-old-so-and-so, whom they've met before, then give hints via description. The old woman only had three teeth that showed when she smiled, etc. Some fact that the reader already knows about that mystery character. We'll guess who it is! Establishing Point of View is really important, however. I would recommend telling your story via only one POV character in each scene. Mod hat on here: Once you've fulfilled your Membership requirements for posting in the Workshop, then just post your excerpt there and we can give more specific advice.
This scene has been a struggle for me. Originally it was written from the "hero's" POV, but I also wanted the reader to see inside Jason's mind. I even considered writing a "chapter" for this scene from Jason's POV. But then wondered if readers would get bored with it. I'd have to say this is the only scene where I've head hopped (after editing). I'll keep playing with it and see if I can come up with something that does what I trying to achieve. Thank you for your help!
I would allow MC p.o.v and then Jason to express himself via dialogue or some other means (or vice versa). Dialogue is a very very versatile tool and could easily cover Jason's views without actually having to head hop. Remember the reader would be looking at it from only one p.o.v. for the scene or even better the chapter. Also dialogue could open up other dynamics as well.
