Tags:
  1. andallthatjasper

    andallthatjasper New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2020
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    5

    Looking for feedback on my early concept

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by andallthatjasper, Feb 18, 2020.

    I've just recently started to work on this plot, and I like the idea, but I'm worried that it may not be compelling and would love some feedback before I start working on it more seriously. Sorry for the long post, hope it isn't a hassle to read. I have some specific areas where I'd like advice, but if you see any possible issues I haven't thought of please let me know. This is in early stages, so feel free to reccomend big fixes.

    The story takes place in a small and very supernaturally active town founded by a cult.
    The main character, Quinn, has a supernatural ability that causes their negative emotions to manifest as horrific visions. Even worse, it's "contagious"- when looking into their eyes, people briefly experience the same hallucinations. They blame this for their parents' deaths and develop a fear of leaving their home. Because of this, everywhere outside of their apartment appears as a monstrous wasteland.
    Their goal is to overcome this fear and try to live a normal life.
    The antagonist, the son of the cult leader, has his own issues to deal with. He has no supernatural abilities, meaning he can't follow in his dad's footsteps- but Quinn is the perfect candidate for the next prophet, so if he can control them, he can be in charge of the cult. And obviously, they are a very vulnerable target.

    So here are my concerns:

    1. The relationship between the protagonist and antagonist is meant to be an allegory for abusive relationships, but I worry that an audience may not catch the more subtle aspects of emotional abuse, or that I won't be able to properly convey it. I want people to like the villain because he's messed up and a terrible person, not because he's a "sexy bad boy." Any tips on avoiding this sad fate would be appreciated.

    2. I'm worried that the reader wouldn't root for the main character because their goal seems so minor. Obviously overcoming mental illness is a serious issue, but I can't help but think back to high school when all of the other students hated a rape survivor in a novel because she struggled with things they thought were an "easy solution." Obviously if the audience thinks that it's not a big deal, they won't have any stakes in the How can I ensure that this character's goal won't be perceived as insignificant?

    3. Most importantly, I don't know how I should introduce the fact that there is a literal cult involved. When I first came up with the idea I saw this as a bit of a twist (a "so that's what their motivation is" kind of mystery) but then I realized how jarring that would be for somebody reading it. Should I try to introduce that early on the set the scene and make it less out-of-left-field, or is dropping hints enough?

    If there's anything I didn't explain well, sorry, I'll try to clarify. Thank you for any and all advice :love:
     
    Viserion likes this.
  2. Viserion

    Viserion Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2020
    Messages:
    385
    Likes Received:
    177
    If you don’t want people to like the cult guy, make sure he’s nasty. Think Draco Malfoy, Viserys Targaryen, the characters people love to hate. Make him memorable. Perhaps he comes off as nice in his first appearance, but drops the mask when it’s convenient. If you want sympathy, play up a positive relationship. A sister, mother, crush et. cetera. Just my two cents.
     
    andallthatjasper likes this.
  3. Rzero

    Rzero Reluctant voice of his generation Contributor

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2018
    Messages:
    1,742
    Likes Received:
    3,088
    Location:
    Texas
    No way to know until you try it. Give it a shot and look for advice on fixing it if it needs fixing. It might not. My point is, it's doable, so don't leave it out due to lack of confidence in either your ability or the audience. Just write it the way you want it told and worry about strengthening the allegory afterword if need be. Story first; subtext second. It's what I would do at least. Readers like to project things like that onto a story anyway, so just deal with the action, drama and dialog.
    Just make him a monster, and he won't be a "bad boy". Don't get attached. Don't write a cliche. Basically, if you hate him, the reader will too. If you admire him, they will too. If you love to hate him, there's your sweet spot.
    Again, this is all about how you write it. It could be great; it could be terrible. Give it a shot. I bet you'll end up on the happier side of the scale. Try to show how and why it's important to the character rather than trying to make it important to the reader.
    Keep it murky, if that's what you want. Think of books you've read where the major twist was done well. I'm not talking about stealing, obviously, but this is a situation that could benefit from knowing how it's been done well. Off the top of my head, I'm thinking The Girl with All the Gifts, several parts of The Dark Tower series, We Have Always Lived in the Castle (That one's more of a slow burn than a dynamite reveal,) The Island of Dr. Moreau, Room (for sure,) Ubik, Firestarter. None of these books is too much like what you're writing, but most have an early to mid-story twist after starting the reader off in the dark.
     
    andallthatjasper likes this.
  4. cosmic lights

    cosmic lights Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2018
    Messages:
    863
    Likes Received:
    857
    Location:
    Norwich, UK
    There are many books that use this concept which means you have something to draw from. Try reading books that are similar, my favorite was "The Wicker Man". That story provided a twist at the end. When you're writing an idea that has been done many times before it's best to read other works to see what they covered and what they didn't. How can you add a unique twist?

    I doubt people will like the villain. Love to hate, maybe. You don't necessarily wont to strive for affection from your readers but understanding and insight. I beta read for someone who investigated childhood abuse (emotional) and how that affect this character and how he'd learned to manipulate without even seeing it as manipulation. The writer didn't focus on the sob story childhood nor went into detail just focused on making the symptoms clear. Insight and understanding kept me reading about this man. And if Humbert Humbert can get away with it, so can your villain.

    The goal doesn't have to be huge and impressive, I learned that a few years ago from a TV show. The main characters goal was basic and straightforward, it was the characters want behind the goal that made her riveting. What she was prepared to sacrifice, the stakes if she didn't get it. I cared because she did. She felt her life would be miserable without achieving her goal, although she'd been perfectly happy before. How much does your character want this goal? What do they feel the stakes are if they fail? What are they prepared to sacrifice to get it?

    The last question to hard to answer this early in the game.
     
    andallthatjasper, Rzero and Viserion like this.
  5. andallthatjasper

    andallthatjasper New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2020
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    5
    Thank you all for the advice! It's all super helpful and I'll be keeping it in mind :)
     
    Rzero likes this.

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice