What makes a good romance

This is my first time here so I don't how this exactly works
But I wanted to know according to you guys what makes a good romance?
What are the things that touches you the most and the scenes truly affect you ?
What are the big no nos I should definitely stay away from and the elements that are a necessity in every romance ?

 

Wow....you sure don't start small, do you?

You've basically asked one of the biggest questions of all time - "what's love?" Or at least that's how I read it.

It's a matter of personal choice.

There are erotica sites all over the internet which feature writing that is very reminiscent of the letters people wrote to Penthouse and Playboy magazines in the past. These were two of the "name" pornography magazines before the internet killed them. That stuff appeals to some people - lots and lots of sex appeal. This appealed to me when I was a teenage boy.

There are tales of knights doing chivalrous deeds like saving virgin maidens from dragons or evil kings (think Robin Hood and Maid Marian for example). I always liked the action more than the romance in those tales. The romance seemed to be an after thought.

There are books like "50 Shades of Gray" which seem to focus on the sexual acts rather than the feelings (my opinion after reading two random chapters - not my cup of tea, I didn't read the whole thing) the characters had for each other.

As I said, a matter of personal preference. To me, a romance is when two characters develop romantic feelings for each other and they each put the other person's needs ahead of their own needs/desires. This *can* include sexual activity between them but I do not see it as central to the romance.

To me:

Romance is driving 5 hours in a blizzard to bring your sweetie his/her favourite sweater to wear when it's cold.

Romance is donating an organ such as a lung to help your partner survive an illness. Sometimes at extreme risk to your own life.

Romance can be stupid.....spending your last dollar (or going into debt) to get your sweetie that special something.

Romance.....it's friends who become best friends and there is the potential for more such as marriage and children between those two.

Romance is when you stay with someone who has an illness. You know the lines people say during marriage - "for richer or poorer; in sickness and in health...." etc? How many people *MEAN* those words? If your wife or husband developed lupus or AIDS or any other of a number of conditions?

Someone you trust absolutely. You *know* your children are safe with them, your retirement savings are safe with them, your secrets are safe with them. Like you're comfortable telling that person about things you did that were immoral or illegal and you *know* it won't be used against you ever like in divorce court.

Bah....and I didn't consider myself a romantic......maybe I really am?

 

It's boring but I like the stories that show the characters slow build towards romance. Pride and Prejudice is the gold standard with Elizabeth and Darcy- two strong characters who start out at loggerheads but start to appreciate the strengths and virtues of the other (without compromising their own beliefs). To me, lust and love, well connected are two entirely different emotions, and well lust can lead to love, the author really needs to work to show the steps and build that relationship.
I don't know if you have ever read any books by Georgette Heyer? She did quite a lot of regency era romance. Read 'Frederica', the two main characters don't even embrace until the final chapter but you read it and you know that they will have a good relationship.

What I like and appreciate is one partner realizing what is important to the other and working to support them in that. It's not big, it's not flashy but to me it's the humanizing touches that brings a 2-d character into 3-d.


I know a lot of people love the big, passionate romances, the kind where the two characters are like fire and gas fumes, one spark and it goes off. Well this does work and make for a good story, you have to work hard to convince me of the 'happily ever after'. By the same author as 'Frederica' I mentioned above is 'Faro's Daughter'. This is one where I struggled to see a happily ever after. The characters are both very strong willed but she didn't spend enough time establishing how a relationship would work out, so all I see is butting heads and resentment.

 

Stay away from romances between adults and children. "Lolita" by Vladimir Nekoba (spelling???) was incredibly creepy regardless of how well written it was. I don't consider it to be a piece of romantic writing though.

 

There are 2 different meanings to the word Romantic. Originally it meant Roman tales, referring to tales of adventure and derring-do, but somehow that got softened into the modern version which means courtship and love. I'm assuming the Roman tales and the later ones done in the same style (Romantic) included the elements of courtship and love, and at some point probably during the heyday of the magazines like Harper's and Atlantic etc, when the readership was largely female, they dropped the adventure angle.

To the OP—not only do you seem to be asking "what is love"? but also "What makes for a good story"! You'd pretty much have to read the whole site, then expand to the whole internet, and then realize there are as many answers as there are people (more probably, since a person's answer could change several times through their life), and then that such broad questions need to be refined quite a bit before they really become answerable. In fact one of the coolest things I've learned is that often in the refining process the answers present themselves.

 

An interesting thought process to go through for a romance once you have a basic idea of your two characters and their personalities roughed out: How would they handle being under the current quarantine/stay at home orders many areas have in place due to Covid-19?

 

There's a book that I really like called Romancing the Beat by Gwen Hayes that breaks down the standard plot points used in most romance. It's a good guideline.

Personally, my favorite thing about romance is the heat (love a good build up of lust). The relationship itself, I like to see between interesting characters (atypical heroes) who sometimes have trouble getting along but are never intentionally cruel. I hate stories that rely on refused communication and massively wrong assumptions for there to be a story at all.

Cheating is a no no. Bad endings/no happily ever after is a no no.

 

I like it, in a love story (not necessarily a genre Romance, which I don't read) when the two characters surprise each other. I don't mean by springing out of a box or sending flowers on a whim, but when they say say something the other one doesn't expect. Something that makes the other person take notice and re-think their impression of the other person.

I just re-watched the TV version of Pride and Prejudice with Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle, and was struck by how often that happens between Elizabeth and Darcy.

It has happened to me in my own life as well ...and these are powerful moments. These little surprises give a glimpse into the actual workings of your lover's mind. And that's very intimate.

 

A true woman and a true man in true love that is tragically bound to fail. Movie example: Before Sunrise.

 

I prefer it to focus more on the thoughtful side of romance.

How do they resolve conflict under internal and external stress factors?
What will they put aside to pursue the relationship, and what happens when they start doubting the commitment?
Is there an imbalance of power?

 

I'm watching this thread with interest, as I have a romance I'd like to work on. Hopefully this thread will inspire my creativity.

 

Lol. It's Nabokov

Anyway, romance - I hate it when authors use miscommunication, misunderstanding, or just general lack of communication to perpetuate the plot, or worse, to split the couple up so that there could be the big climax. It's cheap and it's really stupid.

 

My two pennies here:

I don't like it when sex is the only way you know the characters love each other. To me, if they're having sex to say I love you, it's not real. That's just lust. Which, done well, isn't necessarily a bad thing.

To me, romance is difficult to get right depending on the person you're with. Everyone has their idiosyncrasies and quirks and so on. I saw a tumblr post a while ago that said one of the hardest things is seeing something you once loved about someone suddenly annoy you. It's devastating falling out of love with someone, but then the real love kicks in. Do you really love that person enough to stay and figure out what's going on and why these things are suddenly not enough? If not, well, that's a completely different story.

I think I'm too tragic about love sometimes, so maybe this isn't the best thread for me to answer, haha.

 

I enjoy the odd bittersweet romance too. My favourite romance film is The Time Traveller's Wife. I read the book too, but it was heavy going for me, and there was a bit towards the end that I despised. So, book no, film yes.

 

I think it's a matter of choice and no one is really going to think the same thing. A romance in real life is different from the page. Romances in story tend to be more dramatic and fantastical. We're both only sixteen but I'll love you forever. Write the romance you'd like to read rather than anyone else. You must be reading in that genre, so what do you think it's missing? Do your research and find out what can be freshened up.

 

I tend to read a book way quicker when there is a hot/cold relationship between the characters and lots of sexual tension. But after they do get sexual, somehow it makes me lose interest in it. For me, a good romance doesn't have to be all about making all the time small kind gestures for each other. I even like it more when they don't admit that they have feelings for each other the whole story, although it is obvious that they do.