Hello everyone, I am a new member here. I have always been interested in "descriptive language". I believe in the power of words and I have decided to embark upon developing my own capabilities in the realm of descriptive language. I am not a native speaker and I need help from people like you to hone my writing skills. (I am not sure whether hone is the right word as it connotes I'm already a consummate writer which I'm not). For starters, I have decided to describe every photo I see in a "poetic" and "dramatic" fashion. Could you kindly take a look at this picture? How would you describe this in a poetic way? I mean in a way that creates an image in the mind of someone who has not seen the photo. In a way that is colorful and beautiful. P.S: I am not sure whether this is the right part of the forum. Please forgive me if I have started my thread in the wrong section.
There are countless directions a description can take. The sky in Tanzania is huge. An ocean of clouds with birds dancing in amongst the waves. It makes you understand why elephants and giraffes are so big. They are made to scale. When the blood-orange sun slips behind the horizon, the night sky is even bigger.
This is exactly what I mean. I really enjoyed your description. I am thankful. I know there are countless ways to describe it and I hope others chip in as well.
Would you be so kind to also describe this picture? I'm having a bit of a hard time describing the glow of dusk from behind the clouds:
Here's the thing - I rarely describe things in a direct, literal way. That's just not my style. I prefer an oblique engagement. Some people prefer a more "paint by numbers" style, but not me. The land is bathed in honeyed light, pouring thick and golden from a sun gone lazy with the day's exploits. The last of the hippos move off into the shallows, wading out and into the savannah to graze in the dark. They fear nothing; they are feared by all. A pride of lions eyes them wearily. The land is aged into the true beauty of summer, ripe and pregnant, no longer the childish prettiness of spring.
That is gorgeous woman/man! You do have a way with words. I tell you that much. How long have you been writing? If were to mention the glow of light from behind the clouds in a dramatic manner, how would you say it? And, what books do I need to read which contain writings similar to yours? I'm interested in descriptive language about nature.
To be honest, in the manner in which I did in the example of honeyed light. My personal style doesn't have a mode wherein I get more literal or direct, unless the description is more technical. I find that kind of description to be an over-manipulation on the part of the writer. Not everyone will agree with me on that. There are readers and writers who want and need a more direct kind of description, but I don't write in that fashion. I prefer obliqueness because it's more emotive than visual and allows the reader to bring his or her own ideas to mind as regards that emotion. I'm after a feeling, not a photograph. China Miéville is adept at these kinds of baroque, lush descriptions. He is also non-literal, non-direct. Try his Bas Lag novels that start with Perdido Street Station.
The Amazon has no need to envy even the Crown Jewels. Hers is a trove of emeralds and aquamarines dripping and flowing from every branch and bough. Mahoganies and ceibas are grand dowager empresses, festooned with glimmering green regalia. The ground is awash in gold coins of sunlight that filter through the treasure overhead. In the undergrowth, wide taro leaves spread like lovers entwined in passion, for here is the harem. Cartier and Tiffany must be content to only imitate.
You get a standing ovation from me! Have you ever published a book? If it's okay, from now on, I will post beautiful pictures here to be masterfully described by the most consummate writer I have ever interacted with!
I was watching a documentary and I saw this dramatic scene in it. The lions, hyenas and vultures were battling to take plunder a carcass which was basically eaten out already! It was like a deadly dance of cat and mouse among the hunter and the scavengers. How would you describe it?
That will change after you've been around for a while and make more posts. That initial quick disappearance of the edit function has to do with spambots and the way many of them create perfectly harmless posts to begin with, then they come back and insert spammy link later. As soon as you graduate from New Member to just Member, you'll be able to edit posts well after posting them. I have to say that this one isn't speaking to me like the others. In the first one, the clouds looked like a rolling wave about to crest, and that's where the verbal imagery came from. The second one felt thick, lazy, and warm and since it's clearly sunset, it felt old. That's where that imagery came from. The one in the jungle was easy since I live where jungles are found. I know their fecund fertility intimately. But this last one... My initial impression is of a court ruled over by that lioness behind the bush. The hyenas are dukes and duchesses claiming their share. The vultures are lesser peers and nobles hoping for some scraps. But it's a complex analogy. It's not simple like the others. Simple works better for me. Perhaps this is one where you should have a go at it?
I understand. That is quite alright. What about people? I really love reading descriptions of people. How would you describe this lady organist and her hair?
Ok, summary. Waist length brownish/reddish hair, crowned by a braid and finishing in a long braid down the back, tied off before the end so the hair hangs loose at the tail end of her braid. I wish a professional hairstylist would step up here. I want to compare the end of her braid to a horse's tail but I seriously doubt that would be considered flattering by any woman.... Here's my attempt: She sits at the organ, her eyes unfocused as her fingers dance over the keys of the organ. Her brownish hair is tinted with glimmers of red and hangs down to her waist. (How long does it take to wash *that*?!) Returning to the head, I notice what looked like a horse's tail is actually the end of a braid that crowns her head and trails down her back, in line with her spine until it meets a tie and ends in a loose arrangement of hair that juxtaposes with the lengths of hair that continue on to fan out around her seated waist. (Wow......someone has a *LOT* of time to take care of her hair....or does she have a professional stylist on call? Whichever, she definitely has *my* attention.)
With regards to the lioness and the hyenas, I have a bit of a different take. A picked over pile of bones, the carcass of some forgotten animal. A few vultures peck away, hoping to suck down that last bit of tasty marrow. Four hyenas are present, not really interested in the carcass any longer but two are challenging a lioness who is "hiding" in a bare thicket of small branches, shorn of noticeable foilage. The lioness appears to be weighting if she should charge the hyenas in an attempt to show dominance. Two other hyenas wait in the background to see what the hyenas in the foreground will do. The vultures don't seem concerned about being surrounded by vicious predators.....do they sense somehow that they are an after thought in this dance between the hyenas and the lioness? Bah.....I sort of think too much is happening. My attention is naturally drawn to the lioness and the two hyenas. The other two hyenas aren't really noticeable nor are the vultures - to me anyways. I had to go back and look at the photo a few times.
We arrived in the jungle by late noon. It brought back memories from when I was dating that French girl, only this place was less bushy.
(For the first image . . .) I won't spell out a paragraph in detail. I guess I could, but I'm very busy editing and don't want to distract myself too much. Have to keep my voice pure for this . . . Here's my approach though. I would establish a tone and lock down a couple images: A shrouded sky. The sun's dying ember. Bloated storm clouds. A smothered horizon. A wet, woolen sky snuffing a cigarette sun. I like the last one. That would be my candidate. I'd make the narrator violent and out of place. I'd decide upon his wants and use them to color the description. I'd determine a path to sweep across the scene so that the descriptions are ordered by a physical logic. Then I would pull in other senses. I think it's critical not to rely on the visual. The mechanical sounds of insects, the ocean rush of the wind, the scent of an animal dying in a hidden furrow. Maybe add a sense of motion, the crunch of the ground under the narrator's feet. I would try to build in as many plain sentences as possible so that the imagery wasn't too thick. The paragraph won't hold if every line has the same target. At some point I would probably shift to inner senses and push back in time. I'd speak to some aspect missing from the scene. My last step would be to soften everything and delete empty phrases. I'd seek out the worst sentence (because there will definitely be one), and I'd stick an ice pick in its eye. I'd make sure the last line was an aphorism and then pull away. Anyway, that would be my approach for the first image.
I enjoyed it. Thanks. I think we can also liken her hair to a rivulet or a waterfall tumbling down her back.
I really appreciate your comment. And maybe you can do me a favor and write down an actual paragraph if and when you feel like it.
I've seen a documentary about vultures and hyenas fighting over carrion, but I think it was a different one, without the lions. They probably had already had their fill and left the rest for the scavengers. Man, that was some amazing, nightmarish imagery, especially the slow-motion cinematography of powerful vulture pinions scooping air and scattering clouds of dust, and the unbelievable power when they thrust their razor-sharp beaks deep into a partially denuded ribcage with convulsive, spasmodic jerks and pluck out whole organs or strips of flesh from deep inside, as the carcass writhes and tumbles under the assault of 2 or three of these savage attacks at once. Every time the hyenas make a sally the vultures just lift off briefly, arc gracefully overhead, and drop back to the ground on the other side to rip and slash into the carcass again. It's land versus aerial combat, and the odds are strangely even, neither one able to gain ground for long before the other reconnoiters and makes a fresh attack. What really boggled my mind was the dogged persistence on both sides. Neither is about to give ground for a second except strategically, and then it's only to gain the advantage from a different angle. Not exactly a description, and more about my long-ago memory (which stayed with me all this time, though I'm sure is severely dulled by intervening years) of the video, rather than the picture. But it kind-of, sort-of fits into the purview of this thread, or at least that's what I'm telling myself. I wrote it all very spur-of-the moment, only a slight bit of editing after the fact. This is the way I would drop phrases into a first draft as placeholders, hoping to improve it by stages afterwards.
