The Not Happy Thread

Hang on! Just lemme grab my shotgun... be right there!

 

Sometimes I think the sadness is gone, and then like when my father placed a blanket on me when I fell asleep on the couch, it drapes itself over me and says it never left.

 

Honestly this year so far Homer`s post has been my barometer for what's going on with society.

 

Been staying away from all social media and news for my own mental wellbeing.

I already get depressed from nothing. Out of nowhere. Inexplicably. Like now.

Ah, I just need some sleep! But not before another glass.

 

Not sure about some things. I hope I didn't offend (unrightfully at least) a person I didn't wish to, but perhaps I did. I don't know. I hope I didn't. I am selfish. I am not. I don't know. Did I though?

 

Hahahaha! I didn't get that really, but I'm slightly drunk already. You speak in riddles wise one.

 

Oooooh! I'm undrunk now and I got it. This is not a camera lense. It's the ball thingy that answers impossible questions.

 

My ex and I have a 50/50 schedule with the kiddo. 2, 2, 5, 5, repeat. It's the same every two weeks and has been for three or four years, but some days, it's just harder. Her boyfriend picked him up a while ago for her five day stretch, and for whatever reason, I'm more bummed out than usual.

 

Just realized something horrific.


So, y’all already know that we’re still in the grips of a pandemic, and there are mass protests all across the US.

Well, when the second wave hits... Yeah, I think that police officer is gonna be indirectly responsible for *more* COVID-19 cases.

Fuck.

 

I'm beyond furious. I won't go into exactly why. May certain petty bullies writhe in the deepest hells for eternity. Or better yet, may I get my hands on them for half a minute. I swear, I've just about had it up to here with humanity.

 

Losing A Friend

Me and my caretaker stayed friends - after she had quit her job. She now broke that friendship because she said she could not see me as a friend. The caretaker-caregiver role dogma has seemingly made its way into her heart. I am left hopeless, heading nowhere. Dumbfounded and confused.

Annet

I wake up disappointed and disillusioned. Thoughts are racing through my mind. Did this really happen? How could she? You’d have to be ice cold to do something like that. To drop me like a brick. To cut me off like a cancerous lump. At the start I thought her a sign that the universe might not be cruel and uncaring after all. Now I am convinced that there is a demon somewhere laughing. Wanting to see me fade.

I have decided to give the owl shawl I bought for your birthday to my little sister. You don’t deserve it anymore in my opinion. At first I wanted to write a note: maybe we could have stayed friends in a parallel universe. Love Joost. But I don’t believe in alternative timelines… I learned something as of late: ‘you got to stop watering dead plants’ Something I am not good at, but something I have to do. You only have ONE life. And apparently you do not want to share yours with mine. That is your choice, but then you have to deal with the consequences.

Heartless, fucking heartless Annet! You shared your deepest feelings, fears and hurt with me. But apparently I did not get to know you at all! And then you could say: “Don’t be so childish’. Well… These sort of things destroy someone, or at least that’s what it does to me. I hope I die soon so I don’t have to deal with this bullshit any longer. “I can’t do anything about it… I just cannot see you as a friend” *inadequate moans*. Well, I do see you as a friend Annet, and I love you.

 

I felt okay a few weeks ago. But now I feel like despondency makes the most logical sense. Since all the struggling leads to nothing and I have to really keep reminding myself that I enjoyed the process (hmm...I didn't really). I did ultimately like the feeling of accomplishment. I even was a bit arrogant feeling I had pushed past by base pathetic REAL self. But now that self has taken over.

I just wish I knew what the fuck I was supposed to DO

and nobody can tell me that

I have to find it within myself

But I don't trust myself

I'm probably better off just doing what I'm told by someone else.

Since they'd have a better perspective than me

I just hate this feeling that when I feel good about myself I'm probably lying to myself and deluding myself

and when I utterly hate myself I might actually be doing something good to better myself

it's all murky and messed up

Jesus Christ I hate it all

 

My cat died the other day and that sucks.

 

I'm sorry to hear that.

 

Thanks. It was an instant death and he did not suffer. We buried him in the woods and put flowers where he lay.

 

I'm very sorry. What kind of flowers?

 

Purple rhododendrons

 

Ah, your cat is very lucky. A good flower to rest under.

 

The more I look at visas, the more angry I get. They charge for everything possible except breathing, it seems.
£1523 for the fiance visa, which lasts only 6 months.
£1033 for the spousal visa for 2.5 years.
£19.20 for Biometrics.
£1000 for the NHS surcharge.
£1033 for further leave to remain for 2.5 years. Then possibly another £1019.20 if they demand a second surcharge and biometrics (though logic suggests not, I'm gonna budget for it anyway).
£50 for the Life in the UK test.
£1330 for UK citizenship. Possibly another £19.20 for Biometrics here too.
£80 for a citizenship group ceremony.

And this doesn't include giving notice to marry (license) and all other wedding related costs (though it will be an elopement). Plus there may be another £3000 odd to ship the pets. Plus @Cave Troll 's initial flight to Northern Ireland, which could be around £1000 as well.

As a final addition, we may need a provisional licence, driving lessons, driving test, theory test and new driving licence. Because you can only drive under a US licence for 1 year.

 

That sounds like a lot. Good luck with it all. The happiness at the end of it is worth it though, I hope?

 

I dont think we charge for air because there's not a whole lot of it left in our cities... You'll have to bring your own.