The Not Happy Thread

Holy crap. Sounds like it's time to start speaking Korean.

I was gonna whine about some of my stuff...but I think I won't.

 

One of the troubles is that you seem needy to people. In case one is needy, which I don't think is a bad thing in itself, it spirals into hell for the person and there is no resort left but to retreat from the excursion. And even if one is not needy one eventually ends up feeling like I am the only one making an effort to make this seem like a real friendship. If it was romance one might have played some amorous games. But all attempts at friendship die at the altar of people's insecurities and the world is so much the poorer for it.

 

My friend that has been living in Denmark from 19 to 36, has been feeling that way the whole time and it escalated and now it seems serious. She feels exactly as you say and it's only natural. It's not her fault. I believe that since this has lasted for so long, it stands as a very legitimate reason for her to move. We only live once. Socialising, having friends and people we trust and can talk to around us is a necessity. She feels as if she is needy, because she is lacking intimate human interaction and she is one of my favorite people in the world, so I don't get turned off by someone when they seem lonely. Perhaps they are and once you meet them you'll see that they are fun to hang out with and not needy at all. There are other reasons that might turn me off but not this.

 

Yeah making friends is tough. I've not really been friends with work colleagues much. We just end up complaining about work non stop.

Some sort of a social hobby is good. So you aren't just obsessed with how the friendship is going or whatever and are just doing something you enjoy with people.

Is this really the time for that though? Not many people are socialising now. I've taken a bit of sick pleasure in not having to feel so guilty about that.

 

Had two whole days without being plagued by incessant torturous thoughts or misophonia.

Now it's over. Was a relief to get out of "hell", even if it's just briefly. So kinda happy?

 

A small thing like a thrush stuck in a bush:
Enchantment with the metric form.
I tried to free the bird from thorny bush
Instead I killed the creature.
I should not have but tried so hard
What else to do with time or life?
I tried, I tried, I tried, I try
But nothing e'er comes from my strife.

 

I don't often post maudlin shit like this, but damn it, Kinzvlle just posted Firework by Katy Perry on the music thread, and I'm not a big pop fan, but that's a good song that reminds me of good times, so I asked Alexa to play it, so that I could hear it on the good speakers, and about halfway through, I started reflecting on the differences between my life in 2010 and my life in 2020, and I ended up cried through the second half of the song.

 

Sending (belated) virtual hugs, as always at your disposal .

 

Well...so, I was trying to buy something on ebay (my first mistake) and for some reason it wouldn't let me. I tried three times through different methods, and it just wouldn't accept payment. Then I find out that there are weird purchase in my bank account (not sure if related) because someone bought Amazon gift cards. While I'm trying to solve all these problems, the power goes out. Well, the power eventually comes back on, and I cancel my card, get a temporary one, remove my card information from Amazon (in case that was the problem, I really don't know), and deal with my ebay purchase.

And then I find out that the seller makes bootleg DVDs, and it's probably that which he's selling me.

*sigh*

 

Other people's unhappiness is so much better than my unhappiness.
(Okay, I say that in the spirit of self-deprecation. No I don't think my life is particularly worse than others. It should not hurt to clarify the intent of a post.)

 

Steve's Tadpole-now-Froglet Diary #4

*rocks back and forth in the corner of his room with his arms wrapped around his knees. The curtains are closed but the wind is blowing them, regardless. His teeth chatter, his eyes are crazed.*

"Little bastards. Little sods. Four days. Four days since I spotted the first two dinky froglets. Held each one in my hand; looked at them, cooed over them. Gits. The moment I start taking my phone with me to the pond, twice daily, and not a sign. They know. How do they know? I don't know how they know but they know. They know I have a camera in my pocket. They leap, they scurry, they hide when I walk up the garden.
Surely not, they're not self-aware enough; not even fully grown frogs are self-aware enough to co-ordinate such a plan of invisibility. But they're doing it. How?
Who knows? Dolphins give their babies names before they're born, although they are far more intelligent. Maybe the frogs are having us on? Maybe they're more intelligent than they let on... Maybe that Flat-Earth thing isn't a joke... Maybe Elvis is still alive... Maybe Tik-Tok isn't a place for simple, attention-deficit numbskulls..."

*Rocks back and forth some more*

"Maybe... Maybe those frogs KNOW... I need to camouflage my phone!"

*runs outside to sellotape some turf to his cellphone*

 

@Steve Rivers
Thanks for the laugh. I really needed that.

 

I hope it works.

 

Throw roses into the abyss he said,
That's an iambic line for sure.
I never understood he meant real roses
I had none when all this started.
Now that's trochaic; it does not match the rest.
I am not sure if what I throw
Are flowers fresh or festered trash.
I try to keep the rhythm in meter
Rest is for you to tell.

 

The school I was putting together a creative writing MFA portfolio for just cut the program this month. So now I need to scramble to find other places that have a purely online Creative Writing MFA program. Harvard has one that I thought of doing, but it seems far more literature and theory focused, or just unbelievably obscure in course selection, than I was hoping for. The original school I was going for had its final project as a publishable quality novel, and Harvard's is a thesis paper, probably more set on literary theory. Though I appreciate that and would like to get to tat step someday, I really just want to do creative writing. Preferably genre fiction. This was kind of a big blow for me.

 

I do intend to go into the university sector, and I have the GI Bill so it's free. But I understand the perspective. At the moment, this is a hobby degree, intended to force myself into getting more stuff done that I wouldn't normally do as I already am employed in a challenging line of work.

 

You're probably right. Actually I know that you're logically correct. But that really isn't as fun, though I do enjoy a fair amount of literary theory and criticism. As I said, pretty much a hobby. I would like to get into university work, but I rarely put all my chips down on anything, least of which being the idea of guaranteed employment in the desired field. So I continue my electron microscopy work until something more interesting comes along.

The degree more or less is a way to create virtual deadlines. Since I'm often horrendously busy at work, I would forget or put off writing and literature study on my own. So I use it as a tool to force myself to study and write at a pace and volume I wouldn't have come close to before. May not be the most cost effective method in normal situations, but for me it's been rather effective.

I may go with the Harvard one anyways, but they have a strange process. You have to take a few courses for the MFA before you can actually apply, basically to prove that you're Harvard quality material. That alone put me off a bit, but I understand where they're coming from. It's also a bit of a gamble, as there's always the possibility they won't like my work as much, despite my recommendation letters and grades. I'm looking elsewhere as well. Not too many purely online programs like this.

 

Not sure if this is politics but....

Kenneth Copeland is Trump's spiritual advisor. This is rather concerning to me.

 

The pipe dream most degree seekers seem to have, as far as I've noticed.

 

I'm a rising high school senior and today my school announced that we won't be returning full-time in the fall. So I won't get to have my last year with all my friends (especially if we do half/half because most of my friends have names in the other half of the alphabet). And who knows about orchestra and fall sports! I know it's for the health and safety of all, and I know other people have it worse, but I'm still sad. I missed my study-abroad program last spring and I just want to be back in school with friends, orchestra, soccer, and teachers.

(update: to make myself happier I made this baby fennec fox my profile pic, which is noticeably improving my mood through sheer cuteness)