Been a bit since I've used this site. Let's put it to some use. [* = 'WIP'] TITLE: *WIP* GENRE: Action, Slice-of-Life SYNOPSIS: Various races live on the planet of Gaia*, ranging from humans to other various 'beastfolk'. Each race and region harbor traits of, what is known as the 'Three Sacred Gifts Of Gaia': Strength, Knowledge, and Magic. And while many use various combinations of these gifts; many tend to focus on one in particular. This story begins a few years ago from the main story on the 'Isles Of Sonata'; home to the Lutra race. Otter-like in appearance and aquatic by nature; the Lutra's were bestowed the gift of magic with skills in strength. Known as one of the friendliest races upon the planet; they have lend their aid to many ships sailed by humans and help prevent nautical accidents and catastrophes. Their main signature trait is their one of a kind 'Music Magic'. With hand crafted drums, flutes, and other instruments; the Lutra's weave sound for not only recreation but for offensive and defensive purposes. It is said that the energy they use is called 'Rhythm'; a force located in all beings that only a few can harness. The Isles are made up of three main lands; each an essential part of the Lutras lifestyle. One for hunting and gathering. One for living. And another for Agriculture. Unbeknownst to many non-Lutra is a hidden city located below the three islands. The City Of Allegro and the resting place of the 'Planets Heart'; an ancient, formless artifact said to have been gifted to them by the gods. The tribal chief in days of old held the Lutra tribe together and was; at time, an ambassador between human and Lutra relations as they traveled across their waters. While they both agreed to lend aid each other on the seas; it was forbidden for either to step foot on the opposing persons land. Despite that, relations between humans and Lutra were often peaceful if not brief. Fast forward to the birth of the tribal chiefs son, Treble. Upon being born; it was made clear that the boy was dangerously ill. A virus that robbed him of his fur pigmentation and rendered him deaf; a death sentence for the musically inclined race. All medical attempts on their behalf proved inconclusive and the chief grew desperate. Treble wouldn't survive the season at this rate. Taking a risk; the chief gather a squad of men and carrying his sickly son, traveled to the human region; New Eden*. Human are known to hold the gift of knowledge with a skills in strength. Their technological wonders range from medical and transportation to smaller applications like drones and security systems. All smacked dabbed within a bustling city that never sleeps. Fear struck those who witnessed the band of Lutra on human lands. Many have never seen races like their before. Begging and pleading for them to care for his son; the group was swiftly taken to the heart of New Eden*; Naomi Industries*: The leading company of technological wonders spanning the city and then some. The company head; Mr.Naomi, listened to pleas of the chief and agreed to help... under one condition. Trebles race has never been fully studied before and to say they had the means to cure what ailed his son was a stretch without further understand the biology of the Lutra's. Under the condition that his race would submit themselves for study over the following years; Naomi Industries will house Treble and stabilize the virus within him until a cure was created. Out of fear of losing his son if he declined; the chief had little choice but to agree to the terms and from there, the expansion of human studies traveled to the Isle of Allegro. The tribal chief; as much as he wanted to stay by his son, needed to return to his kingdom along with the researchers. Placing his faith in the humans and leaving one skilled warrior behind, the chief was off back to the island to regain order. As time past; a breakthrough was found through an invention called the 'SYNC' hearing device. Fitting the young otter with it; slowly his hearing would return and his natural link to magic energy;'Rhythm', was found. Further testing; to check for side effects, were place but after a long and tedious battle; Treble was now curious of the strange world in which he resided. Stories of the massive metal city of New Eden, the lights and sounds of the various machines within facility, and strange food given to him; the young otter took it all in as the ever watchful eye of the warrior kept track. Trebles favorite past time was listening to the radio. Music made by humans was very different from the natural rhythm his tribe felt. Nevertheless it was catchy and always put a smile on his face when DJ Jet Stream's smooth and snarky voice spoke. Speaking to warrior, named 'Beat', Treble confided his dream to one day be a DJ like her; Beat simply humoring him and becoming a close friend with the younger otter. However; word quickly began to span the ocean. The tribe chief was found deceased. Killed by the same virus that Treble was stricken with. [More Later] That sounds like a plan. Like folding clothes. Once everything is out of the dryer... then you start folding. Thank you for the advice.
Oh, uhh... jeez, I really didn't specify that... did I? Yes, I would like to hear others thoughts on it so far. Perhaps some critique or advice.
This seems like a good setting for a story. So far, the story seems to consist of: King seeks a cure for his deaf son, king's people have to submit themselves to study. That's a good start. How does it end? It looks like there'd be a large info-dump to set up the scenario. I'd try to work something out to avoid this. You could reveal the information gradually, perhaps as explanations to an ignorant character.
Thank you. I'll be continuing more a little later. I do see how this is... 'a lot' to dump out. My fear with doing that is forgetting to mention an important detail. Or... perhaps i struggle to notice 'useless' details to save for later. That balance is kinda tough... but thank you. I'm still learning much
An info-dump at the beginning of a novel is problematic in several ways. The reader will find it tedious, as nothing is happening yet. They may skim through it quickly, not taking it in. They may forget most of it almost immediately as it's all arbitrary, especially the names (I can't remember any of the names I read a few minutes ago). If it doesn't 'hook' the reader, they may give up on your book before they reach page 2. I'd avoid this kind of introduction like the plague. Imagine your book being made into a movie. What happens at the beginning of the movie? What would you see, and what are the first words spoken? Maybe start there, and develop the setting as the details become relevant to the events.
Never thought of it like that. What if I did it like... "The shifting tides of the ocean can be cruel to the even the most skilled sailors. With tragedy always in the hands of fate; humans treasure the pact made with unlikely allies under the sea." ...something like that?
Well....deafie here! What's your proposed solution for this kid's hearing loss? Technological augementation like hearing aids, cochlear implants? Learning sign language? You should go to YouTube and look at Sean Forbes' "Watch These Hands" - he's a deaf rapper inspired by Eminem. Google "Taylor Swift + ASL" to see some of her songs interpreted into music. Allyballybabe is probably the most famous of the signers on YouTube but she did the majority of her interpreting while she was a sign language interpreting student and since she graduated, she hasn't been very active.
Who is saying this, to whom are they saying it, and why do they feel the need say it? It raises questions. What pact? What allies under the sea? If tragedy is in the hands of fate, what do the allies under the sea have to do with it? Is the pact a practical arrangement or just a superstition? It's usually the unexpected onset of bad weather which causes problems for sailors, tides are predictable and just need to be accounted for when plotting a course. In your world, that could be different so would need some description. You could have your protagonist embark on a sea voyage. He's understandably concerned about safety so the captain tells him stories of the dangers of the sea and what he's done to mitigate the risks. He might also tell humorous or interesting anecdotes. He could tell the story of how he helped the king's cook smuggle a case of wine into the castle for the queen. What do we learn from this story? There's a castle with a king and a queen. The queen has little authority. Wine is banned. There are laws and a system of law enforcement. Laws are not entirely respected. Many other details could be included like his fear of the magic which might be used against him, the ruthless justice he might face if he were caught, etc. Instead of describing such details directly to the reader in the narrative (which is boring), they can be included incidentally as part of the story (which gives them context and interesting events to follow). In life, people tend not to give text-book type explanations. I'm sure none of your work colleagues has ever recited their resume to you, yet you know things about them. The current conversation will remind them of an interesting story they know, and they'll tell it to entertain you or make you laugh.
Okay, I TOTALLY get it now! Your right. A 'nameless narrator' is FAR less interesting than a actually witness with beliefs and personality on 'whats going on'. Thinking about it a little harder now is really eye opening. What is the narrator was one of the researchers? Or what if it was one of the Lutras? Thats FAR more cooler to read. You've been a great help! Hit the nail on the head on the first one. While learning sign language isn't a bad idea for Treble to learn; I did want to put into perspective of the humans of my stories being technologically gifted. Not saying he wouldn't learn sign language while in the care of the humans though. Will touchdown on that soon. Thank you for your interest
You could have the king set a competition to find the cure for his son. Then the story could be centered on a would-be hero who sets out to find that cure. This could be a 'hero's journey' type of adventure. You could have him/her run out of money and have to do odd jobs to make ends meet. There would be ample opportunity to reveal much of the qualities and social structures of various parts of the world. The narrator could closely follow the main character, revealing only what the MC knows. You could even write in first-person so the narrator would be the MC. That would have limitations as well as advantages. Think of the story on a personal level. How does the MC get to know of the issue? How does the MC work to find a solution? How does the MC finally resolve the issue?
Fell free to go ahead and infodump for your first draft. The ideas is, for the first draft, you just get it all down in whatever form you can, and then you work out the finer points and details in revisions. That's when you would find ways to break up the infodump and distribute it in smaller chunks elsewhere in the story. If you try to get everything just right in the first draft, you'll paralyze yourself with perfectionism and never get it done, plus probably totally burn yourself out on the idea.
So I wanted to pitch a few ideas on how to actually start the story without 'revealing' as much as I have already. That being in three ways... 1] Through the eyes of his father; racing desperately to the human city. Hearing his thoughts of how confusing everything is and the reaction from the humans upon them arriving before eventually managing to strike a deal with an unnamed[WIP] important human figure. 2] Through the eyes of the doctor working on Treble. Starting off on a medical review that seems 'normal' at first before the reader begins to realize the patient isn't human. It would continue to describe the actual virus and what has currently been done to help him before the story turns to Treble. 3] Through the eyes of Treble. The 'dream cliche' start of Treble 'suffocating' in silence. A full description of what the virus is doing to him before... 'waking up' in a scene far ahead of whats wrote now. You begin learning about Trebles past from his memories.
The main purpose of the first page of a novel is to persuade the reader to read the second page. You need a 'hook'. Something that intrigues the readers and makes them want to know more. Readers won't know much at all about your novel when they start reading, so they won't be 'into it'. It's your task as a writer to persuade them to be 'into it', and you need to do this at the beginning. The first option, with the father racing desperately, has a sense of urgency, and as a reader, I would want to know what's going on. I'd be motivated to read further to find out. The second option, with the doctor working methodically, seems tedious and mundane. As a reader, I'd be inclined to put the book down and then not get around to picking it up again. Alternatively, you could make this an emergency situation with a struggling patient and desperate medical staff applying extreme measures etc. I would be interested to know how the event concluded and if enough unanswered questions were raised, I'd read on. The third option, with a detailed description of the effect of a virus, seems depressing. This doesn't give any burning questions and learning about the character's past doesn't help. Unless you're going to change your POV character in the story, you're going to be stuck telling the whole story 'through the same eyes'. You may want to choose your POV character for the whole story and then begin by introducing this character and set the scene. You could even tell a short story about him/her (establishing normal life) before starting the main story properly a few pages in.
I like this idea, but where is it going to go from here? Is it going to focus on the virus and its cure, or some sort of conspiracy about the virus' origins, or the emotional journey of Treble coming to terms with his father's sickness? What will the main conflict of the story be? What will the themes be? How will Treble develop as a character, and will he still have the same dreams at the end of the story? There are a bunch of important questions that you still need to answer, so take some time to explore your world, plot, and characters a little more. Keep up the good work
