The Not Happy Thread

Well, at least that issue got sidelined in favor of a twenty-five page (by Kindle's page count) infodump monologue by a side character...

 

What's the title?

 

The government is going to cut down the forests in my states. I can't stop it. No can speak against the government down here. And I can't stop thinking about the forests.

 

My request for government funding to study why cats have such animosity toward a harmless innocent little red dot from a laser pointer has been refused.

 

How, in such a small apartment, with only me and Mrs. A having set foot in it for years, am I able to mislay my textbooks?

 

According to the Mind-Cure movement you should all be practicing the law of attraction. Anything negative that comes into your life is just your own damn fault!

 

@PaperandPencil

Ah, so that explains why my semester is starting in 7 hours!

 

@Foxxx really? Mine starts in 19!

 

There's always the law of distraction too! It works wonders.

PS: I don't have class at all. There must be something right about what I've been practising then? No?

 

@Malisky the law of distraction ... That sounds familiar ... Oh yeah! That's why I'm on this forum!

 

Mine starts in... Well, a greater number of days than your hours combined!

(First semester only ended less than a week ago)

 

Mine starts at the beginning of every month...the endless grind of online school...

 

Oh, twer I only so fortunate.

 

The perks of being a teacher.

 

Yup, I can't wait to be in high-school for the rest of my life, myself.

 

There are other teaching positions apart from high-school though. Low-school, middle one, night-school, college, med-school, fight-school... Oh, wait. They are called "trainers" over there. Whatsoever-school. You get more day offs than any other vocation I think aaaand! you are in an authoritative position. No longer a student. The world becomes your oyster.

 

Oh my lawd, I couldn't imagine teaching elementary or middle-school. At least not here in the states.

We'll see how I feel about the whole thing in general after this semester. Already wasted a year on a journalism major.

My guess is that it will probably be better than painting houses and getting sun poisoning or having a ladder fall on you, being fired for stepping in wet concrete on a construction site, dropping shit on a customer as a waiter, or working 12 hour days in a sign-shop for the rest of my life.

But that's just a hunch. And I remember there being lots of hunches in Scooby-Doo.

 

Nah, my students have the same schedule. Just school runs first semester roughly April to late July, second from September to January.

And the school has free aircon. That would be great right now...38c

 

Wait! Do you mean you have vacations from July to September and then again from January to April?! Did I understand correctly?

When I was in high-school, all the old folks used to tell me that there will come a day where I will miss it. That day hasn't come yet. I hated being a high-school student with passion. I loved my post studies though.

 

If we get to talking about summer breaks, I might just end-up starting a Happy Reminiscing Thread.

 

Well, basically just August...and change, and, um, almost all of January, February, and March...and change.

The Ministry of Education has ruled that a "semester" for an accredited school is fifteen 90 minute lessons for what the US would consider a 1.5 credit hour course or thirty 90 minute lessons for a 3 credit hour course. Hence each semester needs to be a minimum of 15 weeks long but that's on lesson count, not week count. So if, say, the Emperor's birthday (a national holiday) falls on a Tuesday, we need to tag another Tuesday onto the schedule so that the students get the thirty lessons they paid for. At some schools this means that before the semester gets really started or after it's pretty much over there's a week or two when you might have Monday off, Tuesday working (studying), Wednesday and Thursday off, and Friday working to make up for some national holidays in the middle of the semester. Other schools solve this by just making everybody study/work whether it's a national holiday or not, which isn't quite the cause for alarm it would be in the West. The Japanese are used to working a lot. I've worked under both systems, each has positives and negatives.

Spoiler

But yeah, I do get about five months a year off.

 

Got some rough news today. Nothing I can't handle as I'm taking care of things tomorrow.

But it was a reminder of how easily everything can be taken from me. Being reminded of that shook me up a bit.

 

Feels like I've been stuck in the same place with my writing for the past 5 years. And with each passing day I am reassured that I will never, ever get any better. Just stuck in some idiotic Hell in which very little is apparently wrong with your work, but you'll never, ever, break free of being sub-par.

Oh how I wish I wasn't creative. Like, what was the point in making me creative? Because if you can't do the ideas any justice, then you're just being mentally tortured all the time.

How fucking dumb dude. Stop punching yourself.

It's almost fitting I'm seriously thinking about becoming a teacher. Those who can't, teach.

Sometimes I really do feel like I'd be better to walk away. I felt just as stuck, just as clueless, about dating and relationships. I felt it was all a very raw, bad deal. Dancing monkeys, manipulation, constant bullshit tests, capriciousness. And ever since I gave up on that dream, I've been so much better mentally. Fiction makes a lot more sense, and it's enough for me to survive vicariously.

Why do we bother making things that are unattainably beautiful? After a while it loses its shine and it all seems more disappointing than inspiring.

So maybe I should give up on this dream too. For me, it just isn't fun being bad at something, even after banging your God damn head against the wall for 5 years with no sign of progress. The more I try to figure it out, the more I try to think of what I'm doing wrong, is it the word choice, is it the characters, is it the plot, is it my voice, is it the scene structure, is it a combination, is it none of those things, is it all of those things, the more hopeless and depressed I get.

I was in a good mood until about 5 minutes ago when all of these thoughts returned. And now I'm sick to my stomach.

Well. Time to go watch some stuff made by creative people who must simply be more naturally talented than me.

I've never in my life done something for 5 years and been stuck at the same level of mediocrity. It's not fun anymore. There's absolutely nothing about not improving *and* being unsuccessful that I find enjoyable. So maybe it's time I quit.

 

@Foxxx Maybe the question shouldn't be "how can I fix this?" Or "how can I find success?" Maybe all you should ask yourself is, how can I have more fun doing this? What originally inspired me to want to do this? And milk that, whatever it is. You'll never get farther by just putting down what you've already done. It's looking to the future and imagining all the great things that you could still do as long as you enjoy what you're doing...

 

Osaka hit 100f ~38c yesterday.

With a heat index of 116f (~47c).

Fffffuuuuucccckkkk it is hot. My "cold" tap water is still running just below average human body temperature, but mine always runs low anyway so there's no such thing as a cold shower anymore.