1. ISalem

    ISalem Member

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    How hard is to write about relationships?!

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by ISalem, Sep 19, 2020.

    Every relationship is different. Every relationship has a different starting. Every relationship takes a different direction. Every relationship has a different ending, with hope not every relationship comes to an end. Every relationship has good times and hard times. The saddest part is when a relationship comes to an end (specially an early end) when we expect them to last, not for ever, but at least longer. It’s a highly sensitive and very emotional subject to write about. Everyone could write about differently. When writing about it everyone seems to write about it from his own perspective which is based on his own experiences in relationships.
     
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  2. Zeppo595

    Zeppo595 Contributor Contributor

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    Well there are common themes running through most relationships. As you yourself said, every relationship starts and lots of them end. The way it happens can be different, though a lot of the time it isn't all that much. People changing/growing apart/moving away/infidelity.

    Like anything, the more specific you get the more people relate even if they haven't had the exact same experience themselves. They have most likely had the same emotional experience and if you're a good writer, it doesn't matter that they haven't cos you can make them feel it. That's what writing is all about.
     
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  3. Flamenco1

    Flamenco1 Member

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    I think the great thing about relationships (of the human kind) is that they can be seen from both antagonist's (do I sound like a divorcee? ;)) points of view. But also from numerous third party's points of view. And all the views may be wrong in a practical sense.

    So as a writer I feel I have an open door before me. Before starting my current project I had thought of writing about a non-physically abused wife who had a masochistic side (based on a real life experience). But my writing skills could not do it justice at the moment and thus I appreciate your question.

    I do think it probably does take a high level of skill to get the feelings of an involved party into the reader's mind the way you want. Maybe less so from a third party view. But maybe it doesn't matter as long as they see a view. And as Zeppo says
    I'd offer a quote/phrase I think relates to this. "There's nowt as queer as folk"
     
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  4. Underneath

    Underneath Member

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    Relationships are generally about power dynamics. Think high status/low status writing exchanges, but with a volatile factor to them — this very volatile factor is what makes them exciting. Two people that surrender themselves vulnerable to each other. Sometimes that vulnerability leads to pain. Sometimes they decide they don’t want to be vulnerable anymore, or that the power dynamics don’t suit them. Such is life.
     
  5. Cephus

    Cephus Contributor Contributor

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    I don't know, how much do you know about relationships? There are a lot of books out there where it's painfully clear that the author has never actually talked to another human being, just like there's a lot of erotica where it's clear the author has never gotten laid. All I can offer is "write what you know".
     
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  6. cosmic lights

    cosmic lights Contributor Contributor

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    The relationships the characters have is mostly dependent on their psychology and how they perceive the world. People who suffer certain events are likely to have less healthy and successful relationship. And common things seem to run through romances and friendships alike. It all boils down to know your characters and their minds and then writing them relationships is really easy.
     
  7. PaperandPencil

    PaperandPencil Active Member

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    I think it can be very challenging to write about relationships realistically. Often how people interact is different depending on culture and what seems likely to one person is totally unrealistic to another. I guess that's where you have to prepare the reader by providing context, but it is also very easy to get carried away with the context and forget about the dynamics of the relationship (and it's hard to know how much context is pertinent to explain what's happening with the relationship). As @Underneath mentioned above, relationships can be about a power struggle. But healthy relationships shouldn't be, although portraying completely healthy relationships free from any flaw can make your characters seem less human. I once tried to write a story about a female futuristic race car driver who seduced and conquered many of her male competitors. It was very hard to portray what I intended and the story quickly got bogged down with the details of the race and other irrelevant details (irrelevant to the relationships in the story).
     
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  8. ISalem

    ISalem Member

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    The main thing with relationships is that, the way we look at relationships is different. What we expect and what we don’t expect of a relationship is different. The way we act and react when we are in a relationship is different, depending on our culture, as you just mentioned, and depending on our characters. It’s very easy to write about relationships and forget about the dynamics of the relationship. However, relationships is an emotional subject to write about. It’s important for a writer to be able to describe the dynamics of the relationship and the emotional experience.
     
  9. DriedPen

    DriedPen Member

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    Myself, I do not find it difficult to write about relationships, but rather I find it difficult to decide where to stop in my writing in terms of relationships.

    That is kind of circular I know, and I do not mean it to be.

    What I am trying to say is, we put a lot of ourselves in what we write, because we write about what we know. But there becomes a point where I do not want to reveal too much of myself either. But that is writing, we reveal ourselves by the very act of it, so where is the line? And for me, that is what makes it difficult.
     
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  10. More

    More Active Member

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    Most fiction is about relationships . Batman and Sherlock Holmes have a good working relationships with their partners . I'm interested the relationship of successful Victorians . The Forsyth Sage and the Life of Lilly Langtree demonstrate how clever and ambition women needed to manipulate rich and powerful men in order to obtain wealth and a good life . It is not hard to write , but often hard to understand the true nature of relationships in the first place.
     
  11. ISalem

    ISalem Member

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    Writing is our best real mirror. We see ourselves in our paper when we write as writers. When it comes to writing about such a sensitive and emotional subject as relationships, it's not easy to control our emotions. Since writing is all about inspiration where ideas and words flow to our mind as the rain when it flows from the sky to the earth. The question is how we control ourselves in terms of what to write about and and what not to write about from one side. And how we can write about relationships as objective as possible rathen than writing about it as subjective as we don't want to reveal ourself.
     
  12. IasminDragon

    IasminDragon Member

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    @More said it... a story is about relationships. Asking how hard it is to write about relationships is like how hard is it to write.

    Writing is hard full stop.
     
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  13. DriedPen

    DriedPen Member

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    Inspiration is a good word, but I am not sure it is accurate. I know I have written a lot of stuff that is IMAGINATIVE, but it does not mean that what I put on the page is something I did at one time, want to happen, or secretly wish to happen.

    Unfortunately if I write a three-way love scene in a novel, there is a high likelihood that my Mother-In-Law will read it, and think my wife/her daughter, me and my best friend played that out one night. That would not be the case though, any more then Steven King has cars that kill people, or Tom Clancy was a Russian spy. But with relationship scenes, there is assumption by many, that as writers, we have experience in what we wrote, and that is not the case. We are writers, we are imaginative people!

    So do you write it or not? It is after all, just an imaginative mind, creating a scene that might work really well in a story!

    I tend not to, just because I am reserved in print media.
     
  14. ISalem

    ISalem Member

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    I am not writing a story about relationships. I am writing an article about relationships describing the true nature of humans relationships and the different aspects of it.
    Writing is not hard for me full stop. Writing an article (not a story) about Relationships is uneasy to cover all the different aspects of it.
     
  15. IasminDragon

    IasminDragon Member

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    Well, apologies for making a logical guess that someone posting in a 'plot development' sub forum was writing a story, not a thesis.

    Ah, I should clarify - writing is not hard. Writing well is the hard part.

    You lost me here.[/QUOTE]
     
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  16. EFMingo

    EFMingo A Modern Dinosaur Supporter Contributor

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    No need to catch attitude with each other over how hard writing is. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.

    @ISalem it's hard to tell exactly what you're asking. You're in the plot development section with no question related to plot and only after your last post can we tell you're writing an article, not a fictional tale. This is a key detail we need to understand when you post your initial thread post. Are you needing help in understanding relationships for the article? Please let the members here know what you're looking for and you may get a lot more relevant and enlightening responses.
     
  17. oliverm

    oliverm Banned

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    So I think you should know more about hook up and dating.
     
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  18. Xoic

    Xoic Prognosticator of Arcana Ridiculosum Contributor Blogerator

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    I don't think it's possible to write without including relationships.

    A friendship is a kind of relationship, so is an acquaintance. All human interaction is people relating to each other, and a story can't take place at all if a character doesn't relate to something.

    I know OP was talking specifically about romantic/sexual relationships, but really those are just a subset of human relations in general, which is the very essence of what every story is about.
     
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  19. Chuck_Lowcountry

    Chuck_Lowcountry New Member

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    I can state that my MC's relationship to her dead husband and his mistress is not based upon my personal relationship experience with my wife of 30+ years. My wife may have wished me dead on occasion when I acted the idiot. She certainly never allowed me to take a mistress because we didn't have any money in the budget. :D

    I do observe relationship experiences around me. With spouses, significant others, children, parents, grands, coworkers, service providers, etc. There is a lot of material. I also draw from news reports. You know, the weird stuff that you might not expect in real life.

    I'm attaching a new clipping that inspired me to insert some additional conflict for my MC. Can you identify the obituary written by the wife and the one written by the girlfriend. :D:D:D
     

    Attached Files:

  20. Cave Troll

    Cave Troll It's Coffee O'clock everywhere. Contributor

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    Where cushions are comfy, and straps hold firm.
    On it's own, it isn't too difficult so long as the persons are
    believable together in some way shape or form. Taking from
    real life is a good way to get some ideas, along with some
    well written fiction (books/shows/movies).
    Though you have to consider that some relationships are not
    all going to be simple (LDRs for one, and a few other intimate,
    but not directly romantic types).
    Romantic relationships follow a bit of a formula, where things
    start out in a 3 month phase called the 'Honeymoon Phase',
    where things are all cutesy and what not. After that period is
    over it really is 50/50 to know for sure if it will go the distance,
    or end at some point. Mind you for the sake of realism most
    don't last longer than about 6 months to a year, but there are
    those that last much longer, and potentially the entire adult
    life span.
    Also another thing to consider is age, motivations, and what
    types of partners one picks along the way. Some like to try a
    variety to find 'The One', and others will find similar partners
    to be a more comfortable adventure. It all really falls down to
    chemistry and how well they get along. The exception being
    those that choose more volatile partners.
    One tidbit most don't consider, is cultural and intermingling.
    Some take relationships more seriously than others, and can
    clash when being with partner that culturally doesn't hold
    similar values to theirs. There are flukes that are exceptions
    to the rule, be it more local or abroad.

    Good luck and happy writing. :)
     
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  21. Fervidor

    Fervidor Senior Member

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    Aren't most stories about relationships, when you get right down to it?
     
  22. jannert

    jannert Retired Mod Supporter Contributor

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    I'd amend that to say, 'write what you imagine, based on what you know.'
     
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2020
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  23. Cephus

    Cephus Contributor Contributor

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    And hope you have a decent imagination.
     
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  24. jannert

    jannert Retired Mod Supporter Contributor

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    I'd say if you don't have a decent imagination, you're probably writing an autobiography, airing issues pertinent to you (even if you're calling it fiction.) Which is fine, but part of a fiction writer's skill, in my opinion, is writing things that didn't happen but are still believable.

    This involves being able to stand in a character's shoes ...a character who is not you ...and imagine what you would do if you were in that character's position and had that character's personality. That's what I mean about using imagination. If you were a certain kind of person, having a relationship with another certain kind of person, how do you imagine that would build? You can rely on what you know does or doesn't happen in relationships, or deal with what you had hoped or feared would happen in a relationship of your own. But how you apply that knowledge—unless you're writing straight, truthful autobiography/biography—is down to how you imagine it would be.

    It can be fun to create a character who is totally UNLIKE you. And imagine what it would be like for them, in relationships. A person who is bold and brimming with confidence, takes no prisoners, etc, is likely to have a totally different relationship experience than one who is subservient, anxious, and who always defers to the wants and needs of others. Ditto somebody who is naieve and trusting, versus somebody who is cynical and shrewd.
     
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  25. ISalem

    ISalem Member

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    Thanks for every one commented on this post. Every one’s thought was much appreciated.
     

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