The Not Happy Thread

well now I'm curious

 

I am kind of bumming because I realize I know WAYYYYYYYYYYY too much about characterization.

I see some character flaws in myself that I struggle with, and after (3) relationships going bad, I met a nice woman, and things were going well and I noticed a character flaw cropping up. I decided I have hurt enough women already and so decided I am not ready for another relationship yet, or possibly ever.

It is kind of sad when you realize on your own, that you are unlovable.

(Just to be clear, it is not wondering eyes, I have always been faithful in my relationships).

 

Welcome to the human race! We are all flawed. Provided neither of you are interested in being or expecting Mr or Mrs Perfect, you're golden. I think romanticised ideas of what emotional relationships should be like have turned a great many people off getting on with life and getting into relationships. If the people in a relationship trust one another and understand their shortcomings and work at improving themselves, it can work. Note, however, that improving themselves as a result of another person's expectations is a big no-no IMO.

 

I understand that.

It is just difficult because my character flaw is also what has made me who I am.

I am never content, so that strive for more has really gotten me a lot out of life. I really have lived a life that most people dream of, but I have done it at the expense of moving at 100 miles an hour too.

I always had said that my last relationship was going to be my last because we were really best friends and not just wed, but now that she left me, I am unsure what to do. I am now unburdened and can do so much. Like I always wanted to go to Moldova and do more missionary work there, but is that for the best, or is my refusal to have a relationship a self-imposed rule?

Being abandoned as I was really makes me interspectful as I try and figure out why...

 

I always looked at him and thought, ‘For a man who says he cares deeply about historical American documents like the Declaration of Independence, he really doesn’t mind using it as a bullet shield when it’s in the frame, nevermind jostling a 240+ year old document in a leather tube without fear of it crumbling.”

 

It's tough for me not to start ranting about that stuff, but I'll just say I feel quite bad for you and any other restaurant managers going through the same thing. I just couldn't imagine having the work available right in front of you, but not being allowed to do it. And no real guidance to deal with these ever-changing restrictions.

I will, however, take the shot if you want. Nice excuse to see if my SKS still works.

 

"Free speech zone" contradicts itself.

 

Not happy at all...seems like my well pump has finally died. (Its got low ohms on one leg of the submersible pump.) Of course it is down 290 feet too!

Its off to get dinner at the Chinese restaurant, and water for coffee in the morning.

 

My birthday is tomorrow. Really not looking forward to opening gifts or socialising with people. Wish I was brave enough to just tell my family I want a quiet day to myself.

 

Okay....back to happy...REALLY, REALLY, REALLY happy.

I rechecked a bunch of stuff, and realized I was getting inconsistent voltage. It took me a while to find the problem, but it ended up being a bad circuit breaker in my load box. One side was good, but the other side was varying from 18 to 120 volts! It took about 1 minute to fix the problem once I found it. So NO having to pull a pump up a 290 foot well!

I did buy a new pump, but I will save that for an emergency. The current pump has been down in the well for 26 years.

 

A member on another board blocked me for not replying to his message the minute I got it. He asked me why I sent him a friend request, and I don't remember sending one at all, so I looked it up. Turns out I DID send a request, two months ago...and he sent the PM to me LAST WEEK!

So, you don't reply to my request for two months, but block me when I don't immediately reply to your question?

 

A little excessive if you ask me. Perhaps it's better said member blocked you. Imagine if you gave writing feedback to him/her/them(?) What would he have done? Send you anthrax or a bomb or something.

 

Yeah, and in this day and age, I wouldn't be surprised. My fault for trying to be nice, I guess...

 

long rant

Everything is scattered. I like the performative. Have regretted much and now getting to a place where I have started regretting regretting. Which is nice. Finally getting free of regrets. There is a positive side to shitty life conditions. It gives yo enough raw material to write about. Highly uneasy feelings and no outlet are perfect for creative churning inside. I also discovered that art being good is more important than art being great. I am still so very lost after the last harrowing month of preparing for that exam. Yes, I don't have anything to say. Words, voice, everything feels completely scattered. Even a scream comes out as a yawn. I know what this is. I have been here before. Just need to let this pass. Things will settle down, on their own. Just need to keep my faith in the process. I will find my voice back. Until then? Read about things you have always wanted to find out. This is a nice time. Mind is open to new ideas when it is all scattered and out of sorts. Yeah, I can read. Today, let us see, I will read on thrillers. I wish the book had arrived already. Will sit and read on the computer. Have begun to hate reading on the mobile phone lately.

 

Two-thirds of the skirting blew off my mobile home last night (60 MPH winds). Going to be at least a grand to replace it.

 

Feel like smashing up all my electronics.

 

For the short period of vengeful ecstacy, there is a follow-up pain in the rear, or at least in the back pocket. Sometimes the ecstacy is worth it, I suppose.

 

Sorry about that. I suppose this gives you a rare opportunity to tell everyone you lost your skirt and then splurged on a new one.

 

I don't think I would like it once the dust literally settles.

 

I finally came to a point where I realized some aspects of my personality need to change, one of the reasons is because I learned to see the ways in which are wrong and negative. Unfortunately I am also learning how people in my life instead of welcoming positive change seem more keen in keeping me in the same place.

 

The workload just isn't stopping and I'm going insane.

I'm doing my first system installation at work and the boss wants overtime to get it moving faster so we can be ahead of the quarter. It is a possibility, but a slim one at that, that it will get signed off for the notoriously bad Q4, but I'm still trying. Ordinarily, I'd be perfectly happy with this. But, and a huge but, I'm mid-way through my final week in my bachelor's degree as well. So I'm basically writing an essay, reading a full novel, or doing written exams that are two to four hours in length daily. Eleven to thirteen hour work days, then four to six hours of school, leaves little room for sleep or anything else. I'm going to be half dead by Sunday...

But then by Sunday I'll be done with a degree and with honors to boot. I'm just very tired...two more days of the pain and then hopefully some rest...