Struggling with a scene

I don’t know where to post this. But I’m struggling with something.

MC wakes up in a car (passenger seat) after fainting. She knows who the driver is, but she’s scared of him and thinks he’s dangerous. They’ve met, but never talked to each other.

Any tips on how I should I write this scene?What should be the first thing she notices when she wakes up? The windshield?

First point of view

 

Make two cups of coffee and a steno pad, and sit down with your MC. Give her one cup and ask her a few questions, interview style.

Be careful not to ask the follow up questions too soon. People rarely like awkward silences and will say something to fill the air. When you think its time to ask your follow up question, wait 10 seconds first. What ever you do, don't interrupt your MC.

What did you first notice when you woke up in the car?
How did you feel physically?
How did you feel emotionally?
What was your first impulse?
What did you want to accomplish?
What did you do next?

Some of the answers may present opportunities for unanticipated follow up questions. Take them.


Then sit down with the driver. Ask some questions as well.

Where were you driving?
Why were you driving there?
How did you feel physically?
How did you feel emotionally?
When did you notice she was awake?
What did you want to accomplish?
What did you do next?

-MC

 

I’m struggling with what’s going to happened when she wakes up. Should she hit him, as a reflex? Get out of the car, or let him drive her home? I want this to be realistic. This scene is really tricky. It’s the middle of the night, and her head is bleeding bc she fell. He was about to drive her to the hospital, but then she woke up.

 

Stop asking what she should do. Ask what she did do. Like I said above. Let her tell you what she did. Before that, let her describe her physical and emotional state that led up to the fateful decision.

If you’re still stuck, then just have her do something batshit insane and see where the ride takes you. She can pull out her mace from her purse, spraying him in the face as he’s going 70 on the freeway, inhaling the fumes herself and gagging as the car goes skidding off the road...

 

To give a good answer what happened for her to faint? Was the man there when she fainted? What did she hit her head on? I can tell you realistically when someone wakes up from passing out or being knocked out they are very disoriented and the body seems very heavy, they are very weak.. so any movements would be very slow and they could possibly throw up. So if you want to make it realistic she’s probably not going to just strike out at him if she does it would be a very weak attempt. A limitless more context would be great.

 

I’ll try with the mace thing and see where it takes me. Thanks Should I mention that she has a mace in her purse before that scene?

 

She ran. He ran after her. She tripped, hitting her head on the ground. Then she woke up in his car. (I know it’s weird)

 

Definitely.

 

First thing she notices might be sounds, maybe the smells of a car interior, and moving light through closed eyelids and the sense that she's in motion. We can notice things like that even before opening our eyes.

The transition between sleep and waking is tenuous, not sudden usually, it's sort of a blurring between the two for a moment before full consciousness arises.

 

I imagine most people would freeze in that situation; you'd have a thousand thoughts, fears and options running through your mind all at the same time, not focusing on any one of them, and as a result would do nothing. Perhaps have a moment where she is fading back into consciousness, but he is not aware that she's come around. She stays perfectly still and has a moment then to collect herself and think about what she's doing. And think about the pain in her head, of course. The confusion as to how long she's been out and where she is. Wondering if the car door is unlocked, and what would happen if she dove out while it was still moving. Realistically, I think most people in her situation would just sit there terrified until they reached their destination.

If she truly thinks she's got no option but to escape this man immediately, you could have her pull the handbreak (or yank the wheel). Dramatic car crash ensues, he's knocked out, she survives and escapes the wreck.

 

I’m thinking the first thing she would notice could be the metallic taste of blood in her mouth and her head throbbing, then what position she situated in the car, the front seat sitting up? Slumped over, in the backseat sitting up or laying down.. the actions one would take would be different considering if she were in the back seat as opposed to the front. This could also gleam knowledge on what this man intends and why he was chasing her. You said he’s taking her to the hospital but she doesn’t know that.

 

It depends on how severely she hit her head. Even a mild concussion gives you a massive headache, disorientation, nausea, quickness of breath upon regaining consciousness and neck stiffness. Takes some time to gain complete consciousness as to be able to function normally. Some people open their eyes even before they gain full consciousness (some don't even close them, they faint with eyes wide open), unable to focus and fully unresponsive to external stimuli. Upon trying to gain consciousness, the motor skills are all over the place (synchronizing your limbs to your will that is). The smells, the lights, the sounds might feel too much to equalize them to the point that they hurt. A way to put it is that you feel like a pinball in motion although you might be lying completely still. Put the dramatic effect that previously had followed your character's demise into the mix and she is panicking, feeling even more out of control and in danger, meaning if she was running for her life before she got knocked out most probably she woke up in that state of terror, but again, it depends on how severely she hit her head. If it is not a mild concussion, she might even forget her name for some time, unable to retrace what has previously happened for a good while.

So, to put this in perspective, I believe you have 2 outcomes:

a) She feels like she's been hit by a train and reacts reflexively, upon remembering what had happened with all she's got which isn't much.

b) She feels like she's been hit by a train and remembers nothing at first so she asks questions upon regaining consciousness. She also barfs.

Hope this helps.

 

Damn!

Yeah, that's probably a lot more to the point for being knocked unconscious. I've never experienced it myself*, or looked into it, I was thinking about waking up lol.

* Wait, yes I have!! I crashed my bike once on icy streets and slammed the side of my head hard on the street. I was out for a second or 2. I remember when I came to, I leaped to my feet instantly, picked up the bike, and had to fix a few things that had got messed up in the crash—the chain was off the sprocket and the brake handles got pushed out of place. I then jumped on the bike and got back immediately to riding, still all messed up in my head. I didn't know who I was (conscious thought was offline), but I did know where I lived and was heading there unerringly. It took a few seconds before the information came back to me. Before it did, well and even afterwards for a while, I was frightened that I had done serious head damage. I felt sick and was literally 'seeing stars" (shifting points of colorless light in my field of vision). And yeah, just a general kind of panic and adrenaline rushes.

It's like it frightened me so much that I couldn't remember who I was, couldn't think consciously, that I had to leap into instant action. Or maybe that was mostly fight/flight response. But it's like my body needed to jump up instantly and start doing things. Then when me memories came back I started to calm down gradually, but it took a while.

 

Thanks for all the answers!

Do you guys have any ideas about how I can make it so he drives her home, and she accepting it. (He doesn’t ask)

 

She's dreaming, in a car and some man is asking if she's ok. Something blurry, feeling anxious without knowing why, then begins to come round. The man is there, driving and asking her how she's doing. Still disoriented, not sure she's fully awake, uncertain what to do and he's driving her home. Concussion, tiredness, splitting headache, too much energy required to tell him to stop the car.

 

When you say he drives her home, do you mean his home or hers? Are you planning on them having any conversation during this (is he going to explain that's he's taking her home, or does he just end up driving that way?)

I suppose she might be pleading with him as well, asking him to take her to a hospital because of her head. Maybe her injury has made him concerned enough to abandon whatever his original plan was when he was chasing her, but he doesn't want to be seen in a public place with her, so he drives her home instead. I imagine she'd probably be quite accepting of that; her priority would be getting out the car, and home is a safe enough place to call for help.

 

Her house, but he doesn’t know her she lives.