You have a pattern of double adjectives - nothing wrong with that, but when it's several times on the same line, it's a problem. A problem of rhythm, which affects how good it sounds to the ear. The word choice themselves are good, I think. The adjective clusters: "jet black, short and slick; three-day stubble hid a handsome, rugged face; wicked, childish smile; fierce coal-black eyes... from narrow sockets". It's way too much - space them out. Also, "narrow sockets"? Even in context, my mind jumped immediately to electric sockets. It's just awkward, imo. I agree with another poster re the line "His age was hard to place" - perhaps in context, it's clear it's Freddie who saw knowing in the guy's eyes though. It may be fine depending on how it sits on the full page. However, that line in general is hard to read, regardless of POV - it's clunky. I'd rephrase. Grammatically, I'd argue "Cooper nodded slowly" should be a new paragraph, as it's not Freddie anymore, who begun the paragraph. Also, now I'm confused who the "young man" was - why is he being described this way if the POV was Cooper's and he's describing Freddie? Unless Freddie was a stranger, no one's gonna give that sort of description. I think you have some dissonance there between character POV and your need for description. But again, maybe this is because these paragraphs have been taken out of context - you'll have to inspect it as a whole scene to really know, I think. In any case, who the hell cares what a computer programme says? Writing isn't Maths. A computer can't tell you how good your writing is. If you believe its verdict on sticky writing is valid, by all means make changes. But if you disagree, then ignore the computer. You're not writing to pass a test mate lol. The writing reads well - just need some minor edits, in my opinion.
Hello, very new here. Looking at the various posts, this one had caught my eye . . . glue words and sticky sentences. Thinking Grammarly is good, ProWritingAid is brilliant! Another is Hemingway Editor which is what I use. Yes, come up against the same issues you're describing. Also, have a very bad habit of overusing "glue words". This is getting better over time. As for "sticky sentences", is a nightmare! It's stopped me dead as far as editing and publishing goes. Love the learning experience
I think I prefer Stevie King's 10% rule, if I'm honest! If i cut 50% I'd have feck all left! But I do edit as I go. But 10% seems like a very achievable and sensible quantity of wordage to slash from a draft.
Indeed, sounds similar to me. Definitely seen a reduction as I get better, BUT for large amounts of dialogue it's always gonna be 'glue' heavy. Most people use simple words most of the time. Some types of characters use barely anything else, so unless you want your uneducated farm boy sounding like a he was educated at Eton, it's gonna be a glue fest! As usual, the answer is somewhere in the middle, I'm sure. Listen to Mr Computer, but don't listen TOO much.
It's not until I logged on to "Mr Computer" that my writing style had changed. Grateful for it though . . . working on improving it so much more (if possible).
