1. Rewrite The Ending

    Rewrite The Ending Member

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    Would a character with a social chameleon personality have a unstable upbringing?

    Discussion in 'Character Development' started by Rewrite The Ending, Feb 24, 2021.

    Hello!

    I am working on a character who has a social chameleon personality, she adapts her behaviour very well and she is not sure who she is so she models herself after those around her. Her upbringing has been pretty stable. Her parents have their careers and could be too busy, but they tried their best for their daughter.

    Someone said someone who has such a social chameleon personality, would most likely come from a unstable childhood, is this true?

    I am not sure yet of specific experiences positive and negative and how she reacted to them and how they influenced her. Besides a bad ex-boyfriend.
     
  2. Lifeline

    Lifeline South. Supporter Contributor

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    I'm not a psychologist, but I say this is likely true. It needn't be really bad, but... imagine a person who can't trust tempers at home where every little word can sat off a tirade and she doesn't know what will give offense. To not give offense would then act as a self defense mechanism. 2c.
     
  3. Rewrite The Ending

    Rewrite The Ending Member

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    I see what you mean, that does make sense.

    I don't think my MC had a unstable upbringing, her parents sometimes failed to be present because they were too busy with their careers, so she could feel underappreciated and ignored, so she had to work harder to get their appreciation. But I think in general her childhood has been pretty stable.
     
  4. Lifeline

    Lifeline South. Supporter Contributor

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    It could be both. Appreciation can come by pleasing them, and if they'd be stressed (long and strainous work hours), they'd maybe snap sometimes, no matter what she does. She'd likely not understand why at some days her parents are short-tempered while at others it's pink clouds. It's the uncertainty that would prey at her.
     
  5. More

    More Active Member

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    Social chameleon personality is also known as self-monitoring is a term that is wide-ranging and complex. Self-monitoring can be learnt at any age and is common among certain professions. Politician, con artist or actor for instance. It can start in childhood and develop into being a sociopath. But most don't reach a point of being diagnosed as having a real mental problem and has been developed throughout their lives. You have a choice with your character. When social monitoring starts and to what extreme it becomes. So, to answer your question, I don't believe you can make a generalisation about family backgrounds as it doesn't develop in children until about the age of 8 onwards. By that age, there are so many factors, school, and another outside influence, the family is starting have less influence.
     
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2021
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  6. Partridge

    Partridge Senior Member

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    I've been told I'm a social chameleon. Less so now, but certainly when I was younger.
    My upbringing wasn't unstable, but I was very heavily criticised and micro managed as a kid, and my parents always seemed to be waiting for me to make a mistake when it came to interacting with other people. It made me very anxious, and very focused on making the right impression.
    If I had a social situation to deal with the next day, I'd have trouble sleeping the night before and would be running situations through my head, trying to prepare.
     
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  7. Rewrite The Ending

    Rewrite The Ending Member

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    Why were you heavily criticised and micro managed by your parents, if I may ask?
    And I can see how that would give you anxiety and more worried about leaving a good impression.
    Were you someone who hid your true self when younger?
     
  8. marshipan

    marshipan Contributor Contributor

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    Ah, I had a therapist say that about me once. My upbringing wasn't unstable persay... My parents were very religious (I've always been a non-believer/not religious) and my mother was emotionally sensitive (personality disorder and ptsd). Before my older siblings moved out there was a lot of drama. Lots of fighting between them all (they also had mental disorders).

    I felt the need to be the peacekeeper. Each one still sees me as the easy one to go to and I've been told I'm the one they are "most like" or "get along with the best". I talk like sister a when I talk to her. I talk like sister b when I talk to her. I play up the things we both enjoy and don't vear towards anything they don't have an interest in.

    Anyway, I grew up thinking it appropriate and right to lie about my personal thoughts or feelings, sometimes suppressing them entirely because I found them pointless and difficult to develop and maintain.

    I spent a lot of time alone in my room. I never really realized I was being chameleon like when I was young but regardless, I found being with others like a job and felt much more relaxed alone.

    The "peacemaker" is a family role people see in dysfunctional families. You could look that up. Here is one site: https://www.restoredhopecounselingservices.com/blog/2019/3/21/roles-in-dysfunctional-families
     
  9. Rewrite The Ending

    Rewrite The Ending Member

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    You know, I was thinking of other character examples that I read who have this social chameleon like personality, and what I can think of are Nikolai Lanstov from the Shadow And Bone trilogy and Richard Gansey III from The Raven Cycle series.

    Anyone else have some other good examples?
     
  10. marshipan

    marshipan Contributor Contributor

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    Will Graham from Red Dragon by Thomas Harris. In the Hannibal tv show they made him autistic but in the books he's simply prone to mimicry/chameleon behaviors. He uses it as a way to hunt serial criminals, being capable of soaking in their actions/crime scene and thinking like them. Its brought up he mimics body posturing and language in general conversation with peers too.
     
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  11. Odile_Blud

    Odile_Blud Active Member

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    I don't believe that to be true. I had a friend like this I grew up with that lived in my neighborhood. I used to visit her house every day, and as far as I could tell, she had a pretty normal childhood. Her parents were pretty strict, but normal nonetheless. I don't think that there is some written-in-stone rule about people with this personality type. Perhaps there is a reason she's this way, but I think that is going to be up to you as the author to determine what you want that to be.
     
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  12. Malisky

    Malisky Malkatorean Contributor

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    Depends on what a stable upbringing means to you. Even if her parents tried their best for her it doesn't mean it was the best for her, if their best left her neglected and undefended. There are many things parents do wrong even unintended that affect their children, but being a social chameleon is by no means a faulty characteristic by anyone actually, unless the person that has this characteristic feels threatened by it. It's not in the DSM whatsoever. It's not some kind of psychological disorder. Most probably most people have this tendency to some level. It's mindful and it's strategic. So what does your character aims for for having this characteristic?
     
  13. Partridge

    Partridge Senior Member

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    I had/have Asperger's syndrome and in an effort to make me able to fit in better, my every social move was watched and my interactions picked apart during the car ride home. I'm not saying my parents were bad parents, they were doing what they thought was best for me, but I don't they understood the negative impact it had on me.
    Being micromanaged was something which was more a part of my teens, as I was finding my feet. For example, I decided I wanted to go into media studies at college, but my motivations were picked apart, and I was expected to know EXACTLY what I wanted to do as a career...So I gave up on the idea. Heck, when I went to a meet-and-greet thing at college everything I said was discussed and I was told off for not giving exactly the right amount of information.
    The micromanagement even went as far was what clothes I was allowed to wear. I'm naturally conservative in my tastes, and I was under constant pressure to dress differently, style my hair differently, etc etc. It's a great way to make your kid loose confidence.
    I very much had to hide my true self. The only time I was able to be myself was with my Grandparents.
     
  14. alpacinoutd

    alpacinoutd Senior Member

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    Other than upbringing, the surroundings should be taken into account. The impact of the environment in which children are raised should not be ignored. A child is socioculturally shaped by the milieu in which they find themselves.
    I think your character lives in the U.S but people tend to become social chameleons in societies that are restrictive and oppressive.
     
  15. Flora Belle Jardinière

    Flora Belle Jardinière New Member

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    Most social chameleons end up as either psychopaths or actors. It's a very treacherous trait because it leads to confusion about who you are and what you want from life.
     
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  16. Friedrich Kugelschreiber

    Friedrich Kugelschreiber marshmallow Contributor

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    Doesn't psychopathy contains a set of traits that are completely distinct from self-monitoring? When I think of psychopaths, I think of people with little or no empathy, the inability to feel many emotions, impulsive behaviors, a lack of regard for others, and so on. I don't quite see what these things have to do self-monitoring, which is basically just being hyper-self-aware of your social behavior. I suppose psychopaths may self-monitor at a higher rate, but as far as I understand it, psychopathy is something you're born with or acquire at an early age, not something you generally end up with later in life.
     
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  17. alittlehumbugcalledShe

    alittlehumbugcalledShe Active Member

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    Just on the unstable upbringing thing -- sometimes it can look from the outside like someone has a stable lifestyle (money, roof over head, food to eat), but in terms of the smaller details it actually turns out to be pretty unstable indeed -- i.e. my own life. Usually as you said, down to emotional pressures of other people, especially parents. I don't think you could get that severe a reaction from just plain siblings/cousins, etc. Boyfriends and friends (peer pressure, etc) could work, but the strongest influence would probably be parents.

    From personal experience, being around someone at home who could blow a fuse at any moment for anything -- and would then suddenly be okay with these things, which is weird and sometimes actually frightening when all you do is expect them to blow up -- and then they switch bACK AGAIN OH MY GOD -- does not lead to a stable home life, no matter how much of a good standard it is in terms of material things.
    This can be down to even the smallest things they get physically enraged at like queues, cars randomly revving engines, not answering questions with the exact specifications PRONTO OR ELSE, being termed 'high-maintenance' (a comment particularly driven at women by men, yay me!) when you let the slightest bit of emotion show, etc.

    It can also come from paranoia -- if you feel like you're being watched (usually by a parent) for any reason (even if they've said they're looking out for you), it can be hell. It's easier to give them the impression that you're feeling great -- while they're away thinking everything's fine, you can then go in unhindered and solve the actual problem if there is one.

    To answer the theory somewhere above -- it leads to absolutely phenomenal acting skills (so as an actor, it really helps me out which has always been a strange discovery). One thing I can say is that I've always been an excellent liar, even in deeply stressful situations. You learn to keep track of all the threads of white lies, because you have to. (On the psychopath thing, I'm not sure -- but my brother is definitely like that. He's terrifying and we don't talk at all. Not sure if the unstable upbringing caused it though, or if he was already like that.)

    You can pretty much talk to anyone -- let me tell you that job interviews are a breeze, because no one else that you meet in real life is likely to be that aggressive/unpredictable, etc. So much that every other interaction in life looks easy.
     
  18. B.E. Nugent

    B.E. Nugent Contributor Contributor Contest Winner 2023

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    Not sure about this.
    Watching people interact, you will often see mirroring and other types of shared behaviour that can extend to attitudes, interests, reading material, and on and on. Chameleons can maybe become therapists or homemakers or potters or politicians or anything else you're having. While that doesn't stop them being psychopaths, or actors, indeed, it can be argued that they might more accurately be described as survivors or adaptable or open to trying new things. Maybe just weak. I think most of us have confusion about who we are and what we want from life. Most of us have tried fitting in and working that shit out is a lifetime job. Some people are just more eager to please. Doesn't mean I lock the knives away when they visit.
     
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  19. Xoic

    Xoic Prognosticator of Arcana Ridiculosum Contributor Blogerator

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    I don't really know what causes psychopathy, but I do understand social chameleons are created very early in life as well. It's a childhood coping mechanism, and I believe those are unconsciously chosen, or even imposed, by the particular combination of the child's personality type and that of the dominant parent. But of course that sounds much simpler than I think it really is. These are abstractions, but they do make it easier to think about and talk about these things.

    About social chameleon actors—I remember reading both Peter Sellers and Mike Meyers (the SNL actor/Austin Powers, not the slasher/killer, though who knows who's really behind that mask hmm?) are of that type. They've both said as children they'd put on little skits for their mother who would clap and praise them to high heaven, and this is their fondest memory. And later in life they both said they feel like they're nobody unless they're playing an over-the-top role. Peter Sellers seemed to be severely depressed unless playing such a role, I'm not sure if that's true for Mike Meyers or not. Of course they're not interchangeable people, they each have unique personalities and stories.
     
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  20. marshipan

    marshipan Contributor Contributor

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    There might be two types we are talking about. On one hand there is someone who has a natural ability to charm who feels like there aren't making any compromises as they develop the ability. Then there is the person who felt forced into it, sacrificing their identity for a more peaceful home life. The latter is a compulsion that you cant stop even when the negatives outweigh the benefits. The former is a developed skill that can be turned off.
     
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  21. Xoic

    Xoic Prognosticator of Arcana Ridiculosum Contributor Blogerator

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    I think you're right. There may be a whole spectrum of chameleoid personality types.
     
  22. nhope

    nhope Member Reviewer

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    I assume since her parents were so busy they weren't around much, so she didn't have the chance to bond with, and therefore identify with, either of them. Her chameleon personality could be simply wanting to belong, but not quite sure where she fits. Trying lifestyles on for size, so to speak.
     
  23. Maggie May

    Maggie May Active Member

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    Your MC could have been born with this behavior. Not all have to be created by our surroundings or upbringing. You can have a child born into a family that is loving and caring, hits all the good marks and is a sociopath killer. What do you want your MC's background to be, what do you want their story to say. That's what you build on.
     
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  24. Rosacrvx

    Rosacrvx Contributor Contributor

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    No. Just the same way a sociopath can be born and raised in a very stable home and be nothing like his parents/siblings/family. You can research psychiatric and neurological explanations for this, but they’re commonly known as “rotten apples”.
     
  25. Friedrich Kugelschreiber

    Friedrich Kugelschreiber marshmallow Contributor

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    And there's the opposite case of someone born in a very unstable home who grows up to be well-adjusted and normal.
     
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