Hi, all. I wrote a 100-word story about a punk kid who gets his hair cut to get a "real" job. My readers liked it, but they were iffy about one line. Right before the kid goes to sit in the chair, he hesitates, and: "Want to fit in like a cog ..." he mutters. That's a line from the Dead Kennedys' song "Terminal Preppie." The readers didn't recognize it, but they got that it was a reference they were missing, and that detracted from their enjoyment of the story. So, first off, is that a common thing? If you're reading something and encounter a strange phrase like that, does it take you out of the story? I had figured that most people would at least get the gist, and those that recognized the quote would get some extra enjoyment, but now I'm not sure. Perhaps I just need a better quote. So, any suggestions for a replacement? I need a pithy line that fits the character's cynical mood as he "sells out", and/or captures his desire to stay true to himself despite what he's doing. I've listened to this music all my life, but I'm blanking on this. Granted, that's a good excuse to go back and listen to the classics again, but a little help would be appreciated. I'd like something pretty recognizable, probably from one of the big '70s punk bands like the Ramones, Clash, Pistols, etc., but a well-known later group like Green Day or Rancid could work. I had considered "You ain't hardcore 'cause you spike your hair," from DK's "Nazi Punks Fuck Off" (which is basically the opposite sentiment, but could work ironically), but decided it was too on the nose. Thanks, everyone!
Siouxsie's "Overground from abnormality" seems apt here, but then most people won't get that reference either. When I encounter a reference I don't know, it doesn't really bother me- I'm more inclined to think, "I should probably familiarize myself with that music/book/ whatever at some point" . The only exception I might make is for very contemporary stuff which might not age so well. Some people will complain too if you use words they don't already know. I don't respect that.
Seems like a reasonable thing to say. Lyrical reference or not, it wouldn't have taken me out of the story. Are you looking for a lyric everyone will recognize? That would border on cliche. The beauty of a reference is that some people will get it and some people won't. If everyone gets it, nobody will special for cracking the "code."
With Dead Kennedys, I don't go beyond Fresh Fruit for...and I listened to that way too often and way too loud on my Sony Walkman in the eighties. What about the Clash with "came in here for a special offer. Guaranteed personality" . Edit: meant to say I wouldn't have got your reference but it seemed fitting to the situation and wouldn't have been an issue.
You could just add something like "... he mutters, quoting the Dead Kennedys line." Give it just enough context so everybody will get it.
Hey, thanks for the encouragement. I wondered if my readers were just being careful and pointing out any possibile problems, so it's good to hear some other opinions. I *do* like the quote after all... Actually, you might be on the right track. Maybe "he sings under his breath" or something would make it clear enough without spelling it out. Thanks, writing forums!
"Hey, ho, let's go," he mutters. "What did you call me, punk?" the stylist responds, and then she stabs him in the genitals with her trimming shears. EDIT:Bah. Thought that would quote xoic's "I wanna be sedated". Oh well!
there's probably not a single punk rock lyric that even a majority of your readers will recognize with no context except for one or two, and those are song titles. Why not just leave it? It seems like the sort of thing that someone could say absent its being a song lyric, and I appreciate it when an author has enough self-confidence to make references that his readership might not understand. Further, I would expect that the fact that your character is punk comes out in other ways in the story, and so a little bit of context would make it fairly obvious that he was quoting a song. You could also explicitly refer to it as a song lyric.
Yeah. Demographic wise, you're definitely pushing into an older readership. I'm in my 40s, and all that classic punk is old by even my standards. Kids these days just won't know....
Thanks, Friedrich. Yeah, I'm leaning towards keeping the quote now for all the reasons that you and the others said. I think I'll just massage the phrasing around it to make it more clear that he's quoting a song lyric. Hey, you never know. I'm in my forties, too, and when I discovered punk in my early teens, I listened to plenty of classic bands that had broken up years before. Serious music lovers tend to go check out the roots of what they love. Now, the fact that my favorite 90s punk bands are the elder statesmen that kids these days are rediscovering does give me pause, though...
Have him sing this . . . "We don't care about long hair." --Sex Pistols, "Seventeen" Then you explain it in narration, and that will settle it for the readers "This crowd wouldn't know the Pistols from Presley."
I think this is a case of listening to some Punk to get some ideas. I found this list of Punk anthems to get you started, but you gotta listen to the genre to get a feel of what your character would say. https://www.loudersound.com/features/the-20-best-punk-anthems-of-all-time
Heh, don't worry. I've been listening to (and occasionally playing) punk rock for more than twenty years. But there's always more to discover! I clicked your link expecting to know all the songs they listed, but was pleasantly surprised to find some that I've never heard before. Guess I'm spending Saturday night rocking out on YouTube. Thanks!