1. J.T. Woody

    J.T. Woody Book Witch Contributor

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    The more IMPORTANT character

    Discussion in 'Character Development' started by J.T. Woody, Jun 5, 2023.

    I've been writing (and revising) this story since 2014 but have been putting it off in favor of finishing other projects. The whole thing is basically written, but I keep revising scenes/swapping out details/changing plot points/etc.

    my latest revision "problem" is: what POV do I start from/which is the more compelling character to start with?
    (to which my critical mind answers with: well, whos story are you trying to tell, Character A's or Character B's?......... and my indecisive mind jumps in with: "BOTH!!":dead:)

    I've also been trying to actively work on improving my hooks.

    Character A:
    as its been for 9 years, the story starts off with my female MC.
    She and her society live on a mars like planet. Across the desert, there is a human city. Her civilization and the human civilization keep separate and have been separate since humans colonized on the planet. My Female MC is basically a social pariah in her community, having failed at so many things, she has nothing else to lose. so the she breaks the cardinal rule and goes to the human city one night to explore (where she meets Character B, a human, and jump starts the events of the rest of the story)
    Hook:
    Dr. Louis Zedd of the International Space Exploration and Colonization Administration (ISECA) made ground fall on ‘Planet E65’ in 1801 Post Terra, the foreign words floated across the cracked screen of the hand sized device.

    Character B:
    in the original version, he comes up in Chap 2. He's a pilot assigned to this old, rundown ship that has stalled near the planet the story is set in. He and the rest of the crew are "grounded" as they wait for a support ship to come. He likes adventure and keeps mementos from every planet he's visited because he grew up in a refugee camp for displaced earthing after Earth went kaput. He also was involved in something shady (trafficking alien lifeforms) when he first became a cadet and didnt know any better, and him getting assigned to the crappy ship that he refers to as "the Reject Ship." he meets Character A while he's at a late night diner after just arriving on the planet.
    Hook (which I came up with after entertaining the idea of starting the book of with him at the diner):
    Some punks, an alien, and a soldier walk into a bar, Royce thought with amusement as he swiveled on his stool to watch the greeny in the doorway shaking sand from her cloak, waiting for the punch line.​


    My conundrum: its been focused on Character A for so long, maybe I'm just holding on to it for sentimental reasons? Or the newer hook and direction is the next new shiny object, and I only like it because its "new" not because its "better"?
     
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  2. evild4ve

    evild4ve Critique is stranger than fiction Supporter Contributor

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    I guess this is between an accidental ambassador, and an old rogue
    From the brief descriptions, A has some choices to make, while B is closer to being a stock character.
    More of the verbs in his description are passive. So I wonder what appeal there could be in shifting the POV to him.
    Is it that it's easier? His mind is quieter, and human. He spectates and waits: for punchlines and support ships. So perhaps his POV lets the OP slip back into a more neutral style and vocabulary.
    (being mindful the hooks might not be actual copy). If it's that then it's surely better to stick with A.

    Another possible direction might be to fold character B into A. If B is a plot device bridging between the alien we want to write and a storyworld the reader will find familiar... or if (for argument's sake) he ferries her to the humans' planets and they fall in love, is there a risk this character might have become a mental storage-basket for thoughts, feelings and actions that really belong to A? Things she would do if her interior was more complete. Wouldn't she pick up a ship and a phrasebook (and teach herself to gamble and swear) before leaving her community? (Or if they will fall in love) has B been created by subtracting qualities from A so that artificially she needs him? That's a common writing problem - not to say it's present here.
     
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  3. J.T. Woody

    J.T. Woody Book Witch Contributor

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    I was thinking a lot about your entire response (than you, btw! :) )
    This, though... could you explain a little bit more? I dont think I understand
     
  4. evild4ve

    evild4ve Critique is stranger than fiction Supporter Contributor

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    In the short 'hooks', Character B (Royce?) isn't actively doing things like Character A.
    I wasn't sure if the hooks are actual text, or just for this thread - but if B "watches" and "waits" and "is grounded" then he seems less in control of his story - so it follows he may be less interesting to readers. The description is too short to say if a "stock character" criticism also applies, but everyone can name at least one other bar-visiting space pilot with a shady past and a rickety ship

    Character A makes a choice to leave her community - so straightaway she's interesting

    The OP describes an urge to make B the POV character instead of A.
    I wondered if it's because B is easier to write.

    Writing character is emotionally taxing - but all the more so if a character is going through difficulties (a pariah being excluded from her community). And if she is convincingly alien, possibly her voice is technically tricky to construct - because she has different biological and social priorities, and thinks thoughts that take the writer longer, but which are novel to the reader

    So switching from A to B might be tempting because it's a rest. He can see what we see, in neutral language - so it's quicker to find the words.
    If it's like that, I'd say to resist switching the POV, because the hard work of writing A is more novel
     
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  5. Rzero

    Rzero Reluctant voice of his generation Contributor

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    I would need more than a sentence each to really stand behind what I'm going to say here, but I think B sounds more interesting. A starts like standard mid-century sci-fi. There's nothing wrong with that, but B offers more opportunities to deviate from structural formulas.
     
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  6. J.T. Woody

    J.T. Woody Book Witch Contributor

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    but the goal is to hook the reader in from the first sentence :bigwink:

    For A: the MC is tinkering with essentially the future version of a crappy tablet that one of the nomads found while digging around in the trash around the human city. as she's messing with it, she and a friend of hers are arguing about how stupid it is to go into the human city and what would happen if they were caught (the friend is wimp, the MC is more stubborn)

    For B: what follows is Royce's observing the aliens in the diner, curious by how human yet not they look (its his first time on the planet and encountering the "locals." He asks his partner why they are called "greeny" if they arent green, and his partner launches into a rant about how aliens are historically hostile towards humans and no good ever comes of crossing their path. regardless of how they appear
     
  7. Rzero

    Rzero Reluctant voice of his generation Contributor

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    I still vote B then. It's a more interesting setup and better first sentence. It definitely hooked me, whereas A needs more sentences. I didn't know what was happening yet at all. I could form a vague picture with the first sentence alone with B.
    Although you might consider a slight rewording.
    Some punks, an alien and a soldier walk into a bar, Royce thought with amusement as he swiveled on his stool to watch the greeny in the doorway shaking sand from her cloak, but the punchline never came.
    Or something. Otherwise you have a dangling participle and technically the greeny is waiting for the punchline.
     
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  8. Not the Territory

    Not the Territory Contributor Contributor Contest Winner 2023

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    So, and this is knowing very little about the story, I would personally start with character A approaching the human city. She can reflect on the leading events on her way IMO.

    The thing about A and B is they are acceptable introductions that establish the premise, but not exactly barbed hooks. Royce listening to a rant in a bar, or a greeny expressing her desire to visit the human colony while her friend discourages her? There's some conflict but not a lot happening, at least in the opening sentences.

    I would go straight for the action shot: she forges (has forged) across the desert, doubts and nerves piling on, finally crests a dune to see the enigmatic human colony that none of her kind have ever footed, takes one last look at the inciting data pad—a physical comfort, something to ground her rationale/will against the pleas of her friend that still echo in her head—then plunges into the alien world which sprouted on her own.
     
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2023
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