Actually I don't think ornamental works describing a battle. For me the most effective include the human element - who screamed for Mummy who called for his God - who fiddled with his Kirpan who crawlled into a corner and rocked back and forth waiting for the end to come forward. Who ran forward shouting you ___ I am coming to get you. Who's blood came from his jugular, where did his brains go. Who survived. Do we have a relationship with someone personally invested in the battle. Those that have a human narrator with personal investment work better imo otherwise they are just a battle.
Use a subjective point of view. Describe the battle from the point of view of someone participating in it. The point of view of an officer will give an overview of the battle, but the point of view of a common soldier will get you close to the actual danger, the actual blows and the actual deaths, and that's where the drama is. Or use both points of view, alternately.
I've always preferred a human element, along with good, but not overly prosey descriptions. Explosions blossoming, the earth being wracked etc. Setup before a battle is usually nervous. People are at their places and it's just a matter of waiting for the killing to start. Climaxes can be the deployment of a massive weapon, an unexpected attack, a turnaround or just one side losing and being overwhelmed.
Well you need to give us more information. Point of view and character are, of course, important in being able to answer your question. I write small scale warfare, which I feel comfortable with. Are you going with large, open scale war or something like a small team. While I do understand the human element in war has its place, I do feel like it is really easy to be cheesy with it.
Och planning...(I must admit, I've never really properly planned out anything unless the English teacher shoves it down our throats ) but yeah, guess that's time to sift through strategy in 'The Three Kingdoms' I gather that the main thing apart from planning is the usage of ornamental writing. I've been trying to gather inspiration from LotR Helm's Deep, where it feels like Tolkien packs in a fairly chunky selection of adjectives, and IMHO, rather more like a narrator before zooming onto Aragorn. I've tried that too, but like I said, my past attempts tend to fail at grasping the intensity of war. It's still at the stage of either overshooting and being too flowery or sounding like a seven year old >.<, I mean, where lies the line?? I guess it all comes down to experience, but are there any other particularly good texts and examples of battles in novels that are worth looking at then?? Des_Maca: TBH, all I'm doing is learning to write for a large, say Helm's Deep like scenario. Thanks for the help and suggestions!!
Battle scenes are some of the hardest to get right, but feel so GOOD when you nail them! You have to find the "heartbeat of the scene", which is a hippie-way of saying that your pacing needs to be perfect. Every event / description needs to hit the right beat like you're listening to a metronome - it's got to be consistent, at least for the first few paragraphs until you've found and established the heartbeat. Read the scene aloud to yourself. The duration between events or descriptions should be consistent and identical. Once the pace of reading has a consistent heartbeat, you have a lot of power over the reader because you can vary the level of intensity by quickening or slowing the scene's heartbeat. The reader will naturally read faster or slower, depending on how you've written it, and you can use this to build to the climax of the scene. Hope this helps!
This is something I'm mainly just curious about. My writing style is for the most part very descriptive. I try to keep it where appropriate, of course; I don't sit there and describe the varying shades of light emitting from a simple lamp on the desk. But at the same time I am very driven by imagery. When I write an action scene, I of course understand that it's detrimental to the pace of the scene and the overall feel to stop and 'smell the flowers' right there in the middle. You want to keep the action moving, to keep the reader on the edge of his or her seat. A tactic I've been using lately I have taken from movies somewhat. I imagine most of my action scenes as they would appear in a movie, not just the events of the scene but the pace and the camera angle. That way I can use "slow motion", not in the sense that I actually tell you time slows down, but in the sense that, when a pivotal moment occurs in the action scene that turns the tides in the protagonist's favor (or against), I will use a more detailed level of description. What are all of your thoughts on action scene detail?
My thoughts: Make it good and I'll like it! I am not some hater of description. I will say that if you use detail during the action, make it relevant. Try to make your details something that adds to the story. Sometimes not adding details during action could even work against you. So I say, use detail, but try to keep it relevant. Make the details every bit as suspenseful as the action. Well, that's my advice as a reader anyway.
Dauracul, that's exactly how I do it - cinematically. I use description to create 'slow-motion' and long, flowing sentences to make the action flow slower. Short, snappy sentences speed everything up.
^Ditto. Whenever I write, I always end up imagining the whole scene before I even start writing. Plus, you'll create more suspense if you take time to describe things. As Show said, just describe relevant details. If I'm writing about a fight scene that takes place in an alley, I'll briefly describe the alley. And as my two characters step up for a round, I'll perhaps describe what the antagonist looks like, and maybe what facial expressions he makes during the tussle since I'm in my protagonist's POV.
Oh, and if you need to describe things accurately but have a short snappy sentence to do it in, try using well-picked nouns and metaphors to speed things up, or use long, langurous strings of adjectives instead to slow down. For instance: The sky-borne array of cloth and flesh came to earth with a shuddering thud. OR The body smacked the dirt.
Depends on the pacing. Shorter sentences will speed things up, longer sentences slow things down. If you're going for giving a particular action in a sequence attention, give it the attention it deserves. Otherwise, just keep the action coming. But for the love of the Muses, don't use sound effects! It drives me crazy! I'm a big fan of The Looking Glass Wars, but I felt a little insulted with brzzzzzap!! and shazzzzow!!! intercut with action. I've got a fairly good imagination Frank Beddor, let me use it?
I personally prefer it when description is woven in naturally instead of dumped all at once in a big block. Some writers can pull that off, though.
As a reader I find it bothersome when authors try to employ such a tactic. Suspense is built by knowing what's at stake for the character, not an author unnaturally delaying action. Maybe I misunderstood what you meant, though? What I mean is an entire chapter or story or novel has lead to the main character meeting the bad guy in an alley... and the moment the bad guy comes into view the character seems to be struck dumb and instead of going for his gun, he does one of those ridiculous Bond moments where they talk about stuff for 15 minutes. Or worse, suddenly it's as if time actually pauses because the main character starts noting which dumpsters go to which business, and wondering which one is the Chinese restaurant he went to as a kid. No. Just no. When action is inevitable, all barriers to that action occurring become contrived and manipulative on the part of the writer. If, as a reader, I think you're lying to me or trying to manipulate me (it happens, but the reader should never FEEL manipulated), I stop reading. Keep in mind that a good action scene has already been built to, so the reader shouldn't need anything more than the action itself, as all the meaning and significance should have been built from the beginning of the story, not in the middle of action. Sticking with the truth of a moment is probably the best bet.
^Nope, you didn't. As a reader, I like description. But to an extent. This is just my own preference, though As readers, we all have our own. Being a writer, however, I strive to balance myself between adding description and not going into great detail when a fight is about to takeoff.
I have the ability, unfortunately, to write really nice prosaic descriptions and I have to fight it all the time. In writing something recently, it was somewhat based on a recollection. The person in my recollection was wearing a nice read sweater. It was very much part of my memory. Not sure why. I first wrote the red sweater in to the scene but it just seemed like it had no place even though it was prominent to me. I've learned that even though I have vivid detail in my mind (and I think in terms of my being immersed in the scene I am writing), that such should be left to the reader too. My thought is that visual detail is only important if it is important to the story. I 'small' amount of descriptive text can go along way. If it's snow, just a little text like: 'The snow fell lightly in the night sky' and that's if it is important to the setting. Otherwise you have: 'The virgin white snow fell lightly in the deep blue night sky casting a fog of cold crystals reflecting as they passed the early century lamp posts.'...you get the idea. It's ok if the setting is that important but if the reader just needs to know the season, then keep it short. Otherwise the characters (the important part) get subverted... My two pennies.
I've been told that, although my scenes are not boring and do contribute well to my story, the action scenes in my story seem "distant". I would like to discuss what makes an action scene good, what verbal tenses fit best (in my story, everything is in the past and being related by a mysterious character in 1st person) and how best to capture movement. Here's a short example of what's been critisized (just for the sake of highlighting my point and to have a working example for the thread - not to recieve critique on it): "I didn’t have time to react and his charge didn’t end when he collided with me, sending me flying back through the door I’d come in from. I landed roughly on splinters of wood and rolled over only to see him charge at me again. This time I was prepared. I took a hold on the gold plated hilt of my sword and drew it swiftly, which had the desired effect. The crazed man stopped short of impaling himself on the blade and shouted words I dare not repeat." It feels maybe a bit flat... How would you go about avoiding that effect and how do you bring action to life?
Shorter sentences build pace. Never underestimate the value of punctuation in controlling the rhythm of your work. For some examples of great pacing in action scenes, I'd recommend reading Bernard Cornwell's Uhtred books, or Conn Iggulden's Emperor or Conqueror series. Iggulden, in particular, is a master of action pacing.
So with shorter sentences, more punctuation... like this?: "I landed roughly on splinters of wood. I rolled over only to see him charge at me again. This time I was prepared, I grabbed the gold plated hilt of my sword and drew it swiftly. This had the desired effect - he stopped just before impaling himself on the blade." - I do see what you mean. It feels less fluid though it is more lively. I can't write it in present tense though, the whole story is being told in the past. Thank you for the advice so far.
"I landed roughly on splinters of wood. I rolled over only to see him charge at me again. This time I was prepared, I grabbed the gold plated hilt of my sword and drew it swiftly. This had the desired effect - he stopped just before impaling himself on the blade." The rough splinters of wood pierced my skin, the blood trickling down the inside of my uniform. Rolling over only to see him charge at me again. He won't be getting another chance. Grabbing the hilt of my sword I drew it swiftly. I feel the weight as he impales himself on my blade. He falls against my body, he stinks, trying not to puke - I heave him off me. Just a suggestion - use all five senses as much as possible - describe what he is experiencing rather than what he sees. The best action scenes describe what happens with only small touch of action. Like other's have said shorten the sentences. Try not to start the sentences with I it allows the action to flow better.
Wow that's excellent advice! And, about not using "I", I never would have thought of that. It really works! Like I said though, I can't really use the present tense in this case.
My only quibble with Elgaisma's excellent re-write is the sudden switch from past to present tense. I was always taught to never never never switch tenses within the same paragraph. But beyond that, I find it jarring to read. My mind has already settled in to the idea that what I'm reading occurred in the past, so how can it suddenly be in the present?
my fault sorry - I was writing my book at the time which is in present tense. I struggle switching when I am in mid flow especially as I was writing a fight scene at the time. Basic advice is the same though - re-jiggle the I's, include all the senses and feelings, less action. Describe what the character is experiencing I used advice from ladies that write erotica use for the best steamy scenes. Finding it works well for fights. here: The rough splinters of wood pierced my skin, blood trickled down the inside of my uniform. When I rolled over he charged at me again. He won't be given another chance. My sword is drawn and in my hand - he impaled himself against it. His weight fell heavily on top of me. Wow he stank - BO makes me want to hurl. I only had two minutes so probably rubbish lol Action scenes and emotional scenes are when I love present tense - also makes removing the I easier.
