Main Character too unrealistic?

As far as the name goes, I like it, but I feel like Phoenix should be a nickname.
Like, being a joker, he's always told everyone he met his name was Phoenix and they believed him, but they still called him Phoenix after they found out his real name.

The story itself sounds a bit crazy, but it's all about the way you write it, I feel. It'll work if ya write it right =P

IMO, the name is the only thing that seems unrealistic, but his personality is pretty cool =)

 

Never worry worry about the name. Worry about the character. You'll find an appropriate name soon enough whether it be "Phoenix" or something else.

 

Ignoring the exotic fantasy-story feel of the name, there's also the issue that this character is supposedly keeping his identity secret, but he has a name that blatantly points to an aspect of his identity. It would be rather like Clark Kent being named, instead, something that translates to "superman".

 

Perhaps someone has mentioned this already, but I don't quite see shallow and quiet fitting in with courageous and wanting to save everyone, but hey if you can write it and make it work, props to you! I don't think the name of the character is very important; after all, it's not the kid's fault if his parents name him Phoenix. I used to work with a girl whose first and middle names were Sunshine Rainbow--no joke. Does Phoenix go by that name? If he does, what do his peers think about it? Do they make fun of him or does his personality make his name seem unimportant? I know someone who goes by Dude and when I first heard what his name was, I was thinking "Wow, this guy must be weird if he thinks calling himself Dude is cool," but he has such an amazing personality that his name could be Napkin and I wouldn't think it was odd at all.

Anyway... As an American, I have to say that I've never heard of water balloons being thrown at cheerleaders. Maybe wads of paper at the goth or emo kids, but in my school, nobody messed with the cheerleaders (mostly because they were afraid of contracting a disease if they got too close). Of course this was a small town school, so reputations and rumors reigned over integrity, but there you go.

As a whole, I like the character and think he would be pretty relatable to teens, if that's who your target audience is. I think every teen goes through a drastic change, whether it's just a phase or for good, and though it's normal, maybe you could play up the fact that people are worried about him and how he's coping with the change of personality himself. Is he intentionally bottling his emotions and thoughts to protect people, or is he becoming depressed and on the cusp of self destruction? ...Or neither?

Just a few things to think about, if you haven't yet. Again though, if you just go with your first idea and can make it believable and relatable despite what everyone else has to say, more power to ya!

 

Teh best way to make a character ore realistic is to look at what you, ro a friend would do in their place, or give them flaws. Make them human, someone a reader can relate to. Why not focus on fine tuning your character until you see someone you can vaguely relate to?

 

Yeah, the story sounds a little chaotic lol. I named him Phoenix cause the story has something to convey, relating to the origin of the name. I picked it because it sounds the best for him, so im glad im getting some type of positive reception by all these recent posts.

 

I think Maia once said that any character can be believable if written well enough. I agree.

As far as Pheonix goes for a name. Go for it. If an editor doesn't like it, they will ask you to change the name. Not a big deal there.

 

Yeah i didn't intend to make his name overshadow his character, alot of people make that mistake on accident. Im trying to make sure i don't do that. I want a cool name, but a relateable, realistic character.

 

I think you character doesn't seem very unique. The character is the very stereotypical view of a teenager and should have more personality.

 

How does he not seem unique? I mean he's not a perfect character... no character is... But i feel like it's original enough to me, with a few more quirks and more taken suggestions from the past comments. Ive had ideas for characters in the same story that are out of this world. Well, atleast in my book. About 2 or 3 of them stand out to me.

 

The name sorta rubs me the wrong way, but I have nothing to say about that that hasn't already been said by someone else, so I'll skip that bit.

The bit about throwing water balloons at cheerleaders is kind of weird. It makes it seem like he's immature and kind of a dick, even if you're going for the "cheerleaders=slutty bitches" cliche. Having a douchey main character isn't really a bad thing, but it does make it a bit hard for him to be likeable. Unlikeable protagonists can be interesting, though, if done right.

I can see where Question's coming from, a bit - based on your description, he does come off as a bit generic, but there's not much you can do about that when you're just describing a character in a forum post. As long as he "comes to life", so to speak, in the writing itself, you should be fine

 

I agree - it seems more nasty and bullying than I think the OP intends. People have questioned whether it's normal behavior for American kids - I'm American and it doesn't sound right to me. Maybe it was a classic prank at the OP's school, just as bomb threats were a classic prank at mine. But it's far from universal.

 

How would that be considered universal? I guess it's a old trend that nobody does anymore lol. I know it sounds like he's a dick for doing that, but it portrays his old personality and comparing it with the old one.

 

I said it's _not_ universal. I don't think I understand your question?

 

I do like where you are going with this character, however I agree with Yoshiko, in a sense, that the character needs to be more develpoed. I don't see the characteristics stand out. I feel that you need to show more of him. For character development go through these steps if you like. They seem to help me.

~Who is this character in detail
~What specific traits make this character stand out. (physically and emotionally)
~Why am I telling HIS story.(what importance does it hold?)

Hope I helped in some way.

 

Im sorry, i meant How is that NOT Universal. Sorry, that was a typo on my part.

 

I think I know why people are reacting badly to the name 'Phoenix.'

It's been touched on, but not really explored. It comes down to realatability and first impressions.
The first impression we have from your character is that he's a douche. Couple that with a name that people have great difficulty relating to and you have a character that people aren't really trying to associate with.
I'll be honest here, if I picked up a book, looked at the back of it and discovered that the main character's name was Phoenix, I would put it down. Now, other people have said that they wouldn't, and that is a personal
opinion thing, but, the negative reaction to the name is something that would be worth looking at. Is there perhaps a name that people could better relate to? It could be that there's not. But it's woth exploring.

Now, your post was asking if your main character was too unrealistic. Unfortunately, the name is a part of that and the concensus seems to be that the name IS too unrealistic. You don't have to have a boring, normal
sounding name, but naming him Phoenix is just like naming him Dragon, people on't respond well to it.

To the description of the character, what you seem to be describing is a rapscalion of a child, with lots of attitude who grows into a loner who feels seriously threatened by insults, yet would happily sacrifice himself for
others. To me, that doesn't sit quite right. The trauma you're describing would seem to me to make him not want to sacrifice himself for others. (Though the rest probably works.) You might want to have two stages
of growth for the character. From obnoxious teenager to troubled adult and then from troubled adult to heroic man. Overall, waterballoons at cheerleaders, a lot of people aren't buying it, but I didn't buy the paddling in
Dazed and Confused, but others said things like "What an accurate representation of teenage life in America." So you could probably leave that in and some will say "...WTF" while others will say "Oh yeah, those were the days."

On a final note, The Phoenix is mainly of middle eastern and Egyptian mythology more than Greek, (though it is mentioned.) As you're going with what seems like a predominantly Greek theme, perhaps a more Greek
name might work. You may have heard of Percy Jackson, I can't believe that the name Percy was chosen without thinking about Perseus. Just a thought.

 

I'm saying that throwing water balloons at cheerleaders is not universal, because, well, it's not. I've never heard of it, and I wouldn't be surprised if I'm not too far from your father's age - for reference, I'm old enough to have a kid who's in his twenties.

Now, bullying is universal, and that's why the water balloons are problematic. (I'm also concerned about the restroom pranks - are those similarly bullying?) I think that you may be seeing the balloons as a refreshing, normal, "Hey, he's a normal kid! I like him!" action. But to me, they mark him as a bully, a particularly aggressive one. I don't know if he's a popular bully who can get away with bullying even the girls that are usually the elite, or if he's a rebellious bully who likes to attack the elite. The second would get you more sympathy (at least from me) than the first, but unless you spend a lot of pages setting up why he hates the cheerleaders so very much, both speak to negative, rather than positive, personality characteristics.

So, structurally, it sounds like your intention is to start the story with this kid's happy days, when he's normal and well-adjusted, and then move on to unhappy days when things happen that change him. But I'm not seeing those happy days as happy _or_ well-adjusted, so your structure doesn't have the structure that I think that you want. If you want to start with his days as a bully, or as an unhappy kid lashing out, that's fine, but you should know that what's what you're doing.

ChickenFreak

 

For me, I am really not a fan of the name Phoenix. Like most of the other posters have already said, it is entirely unrelatable (to me, anyway) and it conveys him as being completely above and beyond all his friends, and as far as I can tell from your post, he's trying to remain incognito. Perhaps that could be his real name and he has a fake, more normal name while he wanders around school. Or, like many have said, it would be a fitting nickname if he develops into a heroic man who overcomes the death of the Gods (who I'm assuming are his friends/family etc.)
"After being traumatized by his experiences he is also a shallow fellow" ?? Imo, this doesn't make sense at all. Generally, I find (speaking from a personal pov) huge, world shaking experiences tend to result in a greater appreciation for life. Unless your character is one of those people who becomes very self-destructive as a result and has no sense of self-preservation.
"he feels threatened all the time when somebody insults him" "and would end his own life to save others" Like others have said on here, I don't understand this at all. If someone told me I was a pathetic piece of **%$%(&$£!! I really wouldn't feel too motivated to give up my life for them.
And like Yoshiko said, please don't get defensive about our opinions; admittedly we are dishing out criticism, but we're trying to be constructive
Good luck with your story