1. John Calligan

    John Calligan Contributor Contributor

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    1st Published Story

    Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by John Calligan, Jul 31, 2018.

    I just had a short story published for the first time (under a pen name). Thanks for being a great community and helping me learn something about the art.

    http://www.swordsandsorcerymagazine.com/story-2.html
     
  2. Iain Sparrow

    Iain Sparrow Contributor Contributor

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    Congratulations!
    Though the subject matter of the story isn't to my taste, I read it through and enjoyed it. Good story and well written!

    However, there is one line that stopped me dead in my tracks and I couldn't hold back a groan... 'Our eyes stayed locked for what felt like an eternity'. Please... please-please-please, edit that line. You can even try this if you wish... I met her eyes and was lost to them. Or something, anything other than what you have.;)
     
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  3. John Calligan

    John Calligan Contributor Contributor

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    Thanks lol I'll try to remember that cliche

    Beta readers probably got fatigued pointing out the worse ones...
     
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  4. Carly Berg

    Carly Berg Contributor Contributor

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    Huge congrats, John! And many more to come. :)
     
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  5. John Calligan

    John Calligan Contributor Contributor

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    Thank you much
     
  6. BayView

    BayView Contributor Contributor

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    Nice work!

    I like the way you had lots of characterization but still interesting world building and plot.
     
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  7. John Calligan

    John Calligan Contributor Contributor

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    Thanks, I'm glad that came off okay. If you read it through, did you buy the characterization of the couple's romantic feelings? Was not knowing the original betrayal an issue for you?
     
  8. John Calligan

    John Calligan Contributor Contributor

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    Also, if anyone else read it and wants to give me some pointers on it, feel free. I'd love to hear it, even if you hated it.
     
  9. BayView

    BayView Contributor Contributor

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    It was a bit frustrating, but I think short stories often are a bit frustrating, at least for me! I want to know EVERYTHING, and there just isn't room for that.
     
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  10. John Calligan

    John Calligan Contributor Contributor

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    I know what you mean.

    I struggle with hitting the right amount of explanations anyway. I usually slip in the info too subtly, if I do at all.
     
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  11. Cave Troll

    Cave Troll Contributor Contributor

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    Location:
    Where cushions are comfy, and straps hold firm.
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