Wow I'm overwhelmed by everyone's input thanks so much I decided long before this that he wasn't going to see her and think he wants to sleep with her. She's different because they actually became friends, its unusual for him to be friends with a woman, particularly a woman he isn't just using for sex. Don't get mewrong he's not a sex fiend or anything, just emotionally detached. He sleeps around because he can, not because he's looking to find a woman. She just appears in his life, in the story, and they become friends. Thanks again people.
@Trish, Well, my girlfriend now for almost 3 years could probably have walked past me on the street without me noticing her, but given the circumstances under which we met, the mood we both were in, etc, there was an instant "click" between us. While she's more beautiful to me now than she was at first, which suggests some of that transformation you're describing, there still was chemistry right away, and if there hadn't been, I doubt there could have been later. Had I met her and thought I'd just be friends with her, feeling no physical attraction, then it would have remained platonic. Hadn't there been a chemical drive to set things on fire, love wouldn't have followed. I haven't experienced something like your story, and can't think of any guys I know who have... I'd not go out on a limb saying they don't exist, but I think they're somewhat far between.
I never said that I oppose the idea of him finding her attractive form day one...what I argued was that the initial thoughts of attraction ALL being conveyed in an overly sexual manner. Attraction is important and people including women make judgments everyday, I just don't like the initial thoughts being "wow, I want to get her in bed and i want those legs wrapped around me" as opposed to: 'wow, she's pretty and smart and I want to get to know her better." A sexual pull is necessary but romance writers often over dramatize things and initial pull towards each other gets gutted to be so overly sexed that it's completely unbelievable. When you first meet someone, is your initial thought even if you find them attractive of how you want to get them in-between the sheets, or is it a more... I want to spend time with her. To me the latter is more believable. And also it doesn't mean that MC can't find her attractive form day one, but if it's not necessary for the plot at that time, there is not need to say it and dramatize it. It might even be better to have them realize that they've always been attracted to the person before, but because of the circumstance or situation, they never gave more than an initial thought. To go from friends to lovers, I would argue that there has always been an underlying attraction present to be honest, but I don't think that attraction needs to be put at the forefront of everything until it needs to be put at the forefront if that makes sense. I'm in the same boat, while there are always those that I'm attracted to because of their physical appearance, more often than not, I tend to fall for guys after I have gotten to know them. I find personalities more appeal than physically looks, it's like the personalty suddenly makes me see them in a new light. I don't' know. I'm not sure if it's so black and white as this. Think of beauty and the beast but in reverse. It works the same way. Women make hard and fast judgments too, we're not below or above that, but in the end we also know that we shouldn't judge a book and therefore don't rule out any possibilities. As far as automatic hot and cold reaction, while I do agree that it happens on a surface level... there are gray areas in that too. And the initial example is Pavlov's dog and his example of conditional reflex, where the dogs automatically salivate at the ring of the bell. The more of their personality you are attracted to, the more you will also find them physically attractive and vice versa. But this is in relation to friends becoming lovers. The attraction I think is always there but may be a mild in their course of a friendship until it is pushed up to the forefront. If it's two random people meeting, then I think both it's fair game and both guys and girls can have a complete attraction right off the bat.
Because when push comes to shove, the boy would drop everything to aid the woman and show her his love for her. Put them through a threatening situation in order to 'push' them into a deeper emotional state.
This is what I was thinking really. I haven't decided whether the situation will threaten both or just one of them, although I'm leaning towards both because I don't want it to be cliche for example the guy saves the girl, or the badass chick saves him. Also, I'm really surprised at the response for such a basic thread, I didn't think people were quite as argumentative I'm kidding, but thanks, I've had a lot to think about and getting ideas from different people had helped me work out how to make this work without being too methodical, or sounding too cheesy. But for the record, this isn't going to be about the sex life of a sailor, the fact that he used to (at the start) sleep around is just a minor aspect of his personality and I just wanted to highlight that when I introduced my MFC. It's kind of alternative historical with a little bit of fantasy, so the fact that its historical gives way for her to be pure i.e. a virgin, and this will obviously pose a problem for him as he develops emotional feelings for her and because he can't have her physically, although her background and ethnicity have her labelled as the kind of dangerous, sensual woman he would usually go for, causing a problem. Thanks again!
It's true that you size up people as potential partners when you first see them... but as a man, I also think you can find someone attractive later, if they engage you emotionally. For example, you discover that you have a lot in common (soul mates). Or the person is very emotional and spontaneous and makes you feel alive. Or the person finds YOU very attractive. I've also heard (but never experienced myself) that smell is important to attraction - the first time you really feel someone's smell, it can make an attractive person un-attractive and vice versa. The science behind it is that people's natural smell depends on their type of immune system, and people seek out partners with a different type than their own, to get more varied offspring.
That's... odd. I don't usually smell people when I meet them. And if I can (like from a nice to meet you distance) that's usually a red flag
^I think it's to do with pheromones, isn't it? Like, not a conscious "Mmm, he smells yummy" thing, but a chemical reaction in the brain. I don't know anything about science though, so I'm probably wrong. Throwing my two cents worth into the conversation (though I am not a man), I think lust is immediate, but attraction can be built over time.
I never understood why if the pheromone theory is correct men and women spend a lot of money in aftershaves and scents...
Cause I can't smell my own pheromone? And maybe someone I like likes someone else's pheromone better Better to just smell like vanilla, everyone likes food!
I feel the most distinct pattern- behavior-wise - is the blushing. Girls do it all the time, and even though the guys also experience mirth, and are sometimes less confident than the girls, they don't blush. However, both sexes behave affected in the presence of 'hot' company. Just that they act increasingly, blatantly masculine/feminine respectively.
exactly, LOL. I have heard that thing about the pheromones too. Must be the reason why I always seem to attract the wrong kind of guys... they like my pheromones
The gripe I have with love is I don’t like being reliant on someone else for my happiness. I tried to write something along the lines of this love theme thing a while back – I just read it again, the writing is poor, but maybe you’ll get some ideas from it for your piece. https://www.writingforums.org/showthread.php?t=26237&highlight=sex+tourist
