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  1. Smoke Z

    Smoke Z Active Member

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    Grammar A specific example...

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by Smoke Z, Apr 25, 2014.

    At some point, I had opened my eyes. Now I noticed that Moebius seemed disgusted at my table manners. Malek spoke up, “I've met some slow-wakers among the demon hunters. She is relatively dainty in comparison.”


    I need to choose between "relatively" and "in comparison" don't I?

    Malek has been a stage-hand for Shakespeare for a while.
     
  2. Thomas Kitchen

    Thomas Kitchen Proofreader in the Making Contributor

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    Yes, both terms mean the same thing.
     
  3. Wreybies

    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    ... but it's dialogue. I say it to myself and it sounds perfectly natural. Whether Malek has been stagehand for the Bard or not, is Malek the pedantic sort? Because if not... it sounds fine. ;)
     
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  4. outsider

    outsider Contributing Member Contributor

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    I think you could get away with it in this context, it doesn't read awkwardly to me.
    For example you could say, 'The Braithwaites were ostentatious in their habits, the Campbells were relatively poor in comparison'.
    Edit:
    The suggestion I gave you was piss poor, this is what tends to happen at around 11.00pm British summer time on a Friday night. :D
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2014
  5. minstrel

    minstrel Leader of the Insquirrelgency Staff Supporter Contributor

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    @Wreybies is right. Grammar errors, and redundancies like the one in your example, occur in everyday speech. This is the way Malek talks. It's not your own third-person narration.
     
  6. Thomas Kitchen

    Thomas Kitchen Proofreader in the Making Contributor

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    Sorry, Wreybies, I didn't think of it like that. Yes, when in fiction and it's dialogue or a certain type of narrator, then grammatical errors and suchlike are fine. In fact, I can see me saying the sentence myself. But if it's the correct way you're after, then you'll need to only have one of those words in the sentence.
     
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  7. Wreybies

    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    Dude, why are apologizing to me? There is no injured party here. :)
     
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  8. Thomas Kitchen

    Thomas Kitchen Proofreader in the Making Contributor

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    Well...I'm a Brit. I say sorry for everything. :D
     
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  9. minstrel

    minstrel Leader of the Insquirrelgency Staff Supporter Contributor

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    I'm Canadian, and I do that too! High five! :D
     
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  10. GingerCoffee

    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

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    I don't think the two words necessarily mean exactly the same thing.

    ... relatively dainty in comparison to [other slow wakers].

    You are specifying 'relative to what'.

    It may be unnecessary, a lot of things are implied in sentences without stating them. But stating the unstated thing doesn't necessarily make it redundant.
     
  11. Thomas Kitchen

    Thomas Kitchen Proofreader in the Making Contributor

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    That must mean we're brothers, eh? ;)
     
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  12. Smoke Z

    Smoke Z Active Member

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    I was posting a throwaway and I learned something that I can apply to the rest of it.

    Even people using antiquated language can use it imprecisely.

    Calling Malek a Shakespeare stagehand was contrasting him to the Hamlet refugees that he interacts with.
     

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