Hi, there! For a little context, my male MC has grown with abusive and cruel parents. He watched his siblings die one by one because of the parent's greed(one of them is an addict) and his little sister got sick and died in his arms. He is left to die in a fire by them and later rescued by a mafia leader who takes him in and raises him as a son. Although he receives love, care and even siblings he is still taunted by the past but doesn't wanna show it.(his new siblings have troubled pasts as well and he wants to be a rock for them). He will reveal his past to the female MC in the last chapters and i want to ask how can i make it more dramatic and heart shattering. During the whole book he presents himself as a very tuff, scary man that takes care of the ones he loves the most. I tought about making him cry while he says his siblings died and tense up his body, jaw, etc. Other ideas?
Do you know anyone like this? It's easier and far more reliable to write such a character if you have personal experience with similar people. Of course that's not always possible. If not, I would recommend looking into the symptoms and effects of CPTSD (Complex PTSD), and decide which kind of mode he has—Fight, Flight or Freeze. A fighter makes for a very volatile and violent character who at least shouts and gets angry at the drop of a hat, and is maybe ready to fight with only a little more provocation—the James Dean type—a rebel without a cause. One who tends to flee or freeze of course has a very different kind of personality. There's another one that I've heard of but hasn't been added to the official roster, know as Fawn. A person who fawns of course is somebody who soothes and tries to make the other person (the abuser or anyone confronting him) feel placated. They can basically be like a Wormtongue—a flatterer. A smooth taker, and often they rely on fast talking and a quick wit to try to change the mood of the other person. They make good con men or salesmen or politicians. Basically you need to decide which type of person he is—aggressive or passive. People basically divide up into predator and prey types, with further subdivisions. It's often the severity of the abuse, and whether it was mostly physical or emotional, that determines which type and how severe it will be. Brutal physical abuse tends to create fighters, while emotional abuse tends to create quiet endurers who might still be pretty sensitive. I think the fighters might be pretty sensitive too, but they refuse to admit it even to themselves, and are always ready to get aggressive to fend off anything seen as a threat.
I’d look up Regular PTSD in the DSM 5. I would also look into Borderline Personality Disorder as another possibility. Also, Generalized Anxiety or Disassociate Disorder. I don’t know if I spelled that last one right. But yeah.
One of my WIPs is a survivor's story. But I wouldn't recommend to research this subject by trying to find real people - going through someone's memories in enough detail for a novel might often be fine but it can turn out to be harrowing for both the writer and the subject. If the OP is writing speculative fiction (what with the Mafia and all) I'd suggest instead to read survivors' stories, where people have wanted to tell it in their own words - since this is both authentic and doesn't dredge up anyone's past. sensitivity: I'd suggest that on this topic anything that can't be related back to someone's lived experiences will not do. Many real people are living through these things, and it would do them a disservice to tell an imaginary story of childhood neglect and abuse while their own, true, stories are being marginalised. The OP's MC has suffered extreme neglect - and in most cases this would permanently alter his voice all the way through his life, and therefore all the way through the story. What age he is when he loses siblings and what age he is when the parental separation takes place would need to be taken into account, since it would have a marked effect on his whole psychology. I'm uneasy with the idea of a "reveal" in the last chapters - it would be more typical if everyone he meets is immediately able to tell. If the OP is wondering how to portray this reveal, that suggests the research (including of lived experience) hasn't included an actual disclosure - and if the research isn't sufficient to the theme I'd suggest to consider either removing this entire aspect of the ending of the story, or toning down the experiences in childhood so they are a realistic/relatable fit to the adult character. One of the many things abuse survivors don't need more of is synthetic/imaginary representations of their experiences. There is an argument to say that if people need to read a survivor's story it should be an actual survivor - they are under-represented (including because one of the first aspects of themselves to be damaged by parental neglect is language and communication). I would resist any suggestion that parental abuse and neglect can be character-building - this sometimes crops up as a compensatory narrative: nice people distancing themselves from an uncomfortable subject. The things neglect produces reliably are corpses, mental and physical disability, addiction, and behavioural disorders (typically including an inability to care for others, which gives the problem an intergenerational dimension). And since pondering that I wonder if perhaps the idea of being taken in by the mafia might be compensatory too: organised criminals do maintain a strong interest in abuse victims - but it isn't parental, it's sinister. And then there is the artistic motive: to make it dramatic and heart-shattering. All credit to the OP - a vast majority of posters either hide or don't know what emotional responses they are trying to conjure up in the reader. But where neglect and abuse are concerned I think the daily news is doing this more powerfully than fiction can. I would suggest a better motive is to reveal the MC's character to the reader and let them feel any way they want. Is the abuse a plot device to justify the MC's toughness? And if the work is really aiming for a portrait of the beautiful human quality of toughness - could a sensitive portrayal of economic deprivation pull more emotional weight than an over-stretched portrayal of abuse? (Because abuse doesn't make its victims tougher - the people who perpetrate it are aiming for exactly the opposite outcome). Or is there a romantic/erotic dimension to this: showing a grown man cry? If so, couldn't this aspect of the MC's masculinity be more easily available to him? Are men only allowed to cry when their little sister has died in their arms? If the writer and reader have built good intimacy with the character, we should understand why he cries at... the sad bits in films, or weddings, or something else that's unique to him. One thing I thought was good was the OP's awareness that drug-using parents' neglect can be an existential threat to their children. Conveying that and making it real is important: which drugs, which risky behaviours...
I think he is more or a fighers but as you said he is sensitive as well. I know someone like this but people go trough abuse in different ways. Thanks a lot!!
Thank you so much for you toughts! I will consider his whole personality and the motives he reveals his past more carefully. I do not want to make it seem that a man is only allowed to cry when sad or broken but happy too. It's a lot of work because i don't want to undermine the impact of abuse but to make the readers more aware of it!
Yeah, it seems certain kinds of abuse, in particular physical and sexual abuse, can cause sensitivity to be repressed to varying degrees. At the more extreme end it can apparently be completely repressed so the person is no longer aware of it (but it still operates from the unconscious). They seem on the surface to be hollowed-out shells with no humanity left. But if they weren't pushed to that extreme there still is sensitivity—most likely extreme, that's buried to varying degrees under that tough and unfeeling exterior. This creates that bizarre contradiction (like James Dean I suppose) of a tough guy who cries at mention of certain things. It's like the hardened exterior cracks suddenly and out comes a damaged child that's always trapped inside. It seems physical abuse has always been a tactic used by some parents to create fighters or warriors, by attempting to destroy all sensitivity and softness. Here's a very interesting (but exceptionally repetitive) book on the subject: The Origins of War in Child Abuse - Psychohistory The author has conducted a deep study and brought together countless different sources.
The death of an infant from neglect is horrendously portrayed in 'Trainspotting." Remember Claire in "The Breakfast Club?" As the kids recount how they are treated by their parents, Claire shares, "They ignore me." In some ways this is the worst abuse of all. Men with psychological/emotional issues quite often suppress/repress their past and refuse to admit there is a problem. Even when offered or getting help they resist the "assault" on their manly John Wayne image of being self-sufficient. This repression of their issues and their attempts to appear "normal" quite often leads to abhorrent behaviors - alcohol and substance abuse, risky sexual behaviors, perpetuating the abuse, and a plethora of other self-destructive behaviors. These, of course, lead to relationship and even legal issues that compound the psychological/emotional symptoms, which only get worse as time goes on. These problems tend to fuel each other. When societies go through stressful periods these folks with psychological/emotional issues can be pushed to the breaking point, as we've seen on the news many times recently. The longer these issues go unaddressed the bigger the explosion or implosion when the issues finally become uncontrollable.
This is a very good point. My MC did go trough some realisation regarding his childhood so he is fully aware that the way he was treated was wrong and traumatising. I will make it harder for him to tell his backstory tho, it should not come that easy.
