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  1. Steerpike

    Steerpike Felis amatus Contributor

    Jul 5, 2010
    Likes Received:
    California, US


    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by Steerpike, Aug 16, 2016.

    I want to say something like "her heart beat accelerato when she saw the thin brown legs jutting from the shadows."

    Situation=finding the dead body of a friend.

    MC is a musician, so a musical reference would come to mind. This is early in the story before that's established, though. Too unusual? Pretentious? Grammatically problematic? What do you guys think?
  2. Cave Troll

    Cave Troll Dark, is it not? Contributor

    Aug 8, 2015
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    Where cushions are comfy, and straps hold firm.
    I think it is novel, but would detract from the gravity of the situation just a bit. But that could also be a fun quirk to exploit on the characters behalf.
    Wow, first time I am conflicted on what to say. Hope the next person has something more insightful than I. Good Luck. :)
  3. Sifunkle

    Sifunkle Dis Member

    Aug 4, 2014
    Likes Received:
    Grammar and meaning are fine by me, but I think I'd roll my eyes if I read that before you'd established her as a musician. If it were dropped afterwards, I might or might not be okay with it (assuming it's a close/deep third person narrative): if she's extremely into music and a bit obsessive/eccentric, I'd roll with it; if she's otherwise fairly 'normal', it would probably strike me as a bit pretentious - she'd only have to change a few letters and it would have the same meaning in standard (if boring) English, so why flash the jargon around?

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