1. Testnick

    Testnick New Member

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    Is "feeble" fitting here?

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by Testnick, Sep 18, 2017.

    Can you use the word feeble in the sense that a sword is used much? It's exhausted.
    But by any means it is not weak, opposing rather, certainly reliable.

    Solemn Knight



    I dont fear not dread nor draught.

    As long as I'm with my feeble sword.



    Cutting (or Cuts through?) fog and grass alike;

    no condition it cannot hike OR
    no condition we cannot hike



    At the end;

    You see land.



    Kiss prince and princess' hand
    ..
    and then i need 2 more lines that result that youre a little man which dislikes working for a bigger folk that is disgusting.
    Forgot them.
    Maybe also something before At the end. Feels empty.
    Anyways just looking for feedback on how shitty the stuff i wrote is.
    Its for a 3d movie so doesnt need to be indepth.
     
  2. Nightwraith17

    Nightwraith17 Member

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    I actually really like the first sentence but you're right, people might take feeble the wrong way.
    Maybe another word for exhausted?
    Hackneyed means "overused." A hackneyed sword.
     
  3. surrealscenes

    surrealscenes Senior Member

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    Location:
    a room made of impossible angles
    In this case, to me it means that the sword is not as good as another sword. Probably the sword you have to face next.
     
  4. Testnick

    Testnick New Member

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    Yeah thought so..
    Yet I got no better word that doesnt sound too far off for the simplicity of this text.
    Feeble just.. sounds smooth.
    Mainly looking for a word that gives a nice familiarity or reliability, loyalty to your sword. Something that gives the listener the feeling that the knight is the armor and the armor is the knight. Its his life. And although the sword being weak, which he admits, you still have a loyalty.
    And the exhaustion will be ensured in the pictures.

    @surrealscenes I agree. That's what I'm struggling with.
    Most of my thoughts are quick showerthoughts or dreams tho, not a writer, find it hard to rework a whole text.

    Which is btw why the text originated from plot development, hoping someone could save it.

    PS: I think that dread nor draught thing stems from shakespear :D
     
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2017
  5. Nightwraith17

    Nightwraith17 Member

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    Hmm...maybe faithful? The faithful sword. Still loyal to him even when it is weak.
     
  6. surrealscenes

    surrealscenes Senior Member

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    Location:
    a room made of impossible angles
    That, or if he were describing it, it could be something more 'loving'. Well honed. If it is a story, it could be described in deiiferent ways throughout. 'It fis my hand like a third generation sword should'.
     
    Nightwraith17 likes this.
  7. Shadowfax

    Shadowfax Contributor Contributor

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    Neither dread nor draught fear I
    So hold I still my steadfast blade
    Forged and aged and kept close by
    Of sterner stuff than I 'twas made.

    Better men there are than me
    That hold the keys to boundless land
    Whilst I'm required to bend the knee
    And kiss princess and prince's hand

    Then happy I with all my skill
    That bringeth to me naught but ill
     
  8. ChickenFreak

    ChickenFreak Contributor Contributor

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    weary
    haggard
    resolute
    staunch
    tenacious
    unwavering
    ...
     
  9. Testnick

    Testnick New Member

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    Fealty.
    The sword is fealty!

    @Shadowfax A very nice text indeed.
    Would catch attention. Going to wager now if I go with a rather complex one for what I had in mind or just something simple for the simple forrestwalk of a knight at night, i had in mind ;D

    Nah its just supposed to sound somewhat nice. Shakespear used something is a called a fake rhyme. It sounds almost as if it rhymes but its not exactly a rhyme. However, it wouldnt match that stylistic device either because it does not fill the criteria for that "fake rhyme".

    Everything past the first stanza is just rambled, except prince and princess' hand.

    As said im not a writer, but a 3d guy.
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2017
  10. Shadowfax

    Shadowfax Contributor Contributor

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    fealty
    a feudal tenant's or vassal's sworn loyalty to a lord.
    1. "they owed fealty to the Earl rather than the King"
      • formal acknowledgement of loyalty to a lord.
     
  11. Testnick

    Testnick New Member

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    Is it too bad using it for a object? I want the sword to be alive with the knife, so I thought it would be quite fitting.
     
  12. Shadowfax

    Shadowfax Contributor Contributor

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    What are you asking?

    OP I thought you were after a poem, which is why I wrote one.

    Now, it sounds as if you want to name the sword, e.g. Deathbringer, Widowmaker, Oathkeeper, etc.

    If you want to name it, I'd say Fealty is an adequate name. It does mean loyalty, but it does come with an implication of servitude. It's not a great and glorious name, such as those I've exampled above.
     
  13. Testnick

    Testnick New Member

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    Thats what im not sure about:
    Right now the quality of the movie would be okay. A knight walking with a torch through a forrest at night, holding a torch.
    Mouse running through his path, some bats skittering through the crones of the trees.
    Then - camera on sword - sword stanza - maybe cutting some berries for food, maybe some thick bushes, a little rest (which is why i said the middle feels empty), travel continues, sees the end of the forrest in a flash "At the end; there is land"

    Got view on castle, enters it, bends the knee in midst of a army of knights which is overlooked by the prince and princess, he moves through the rows towards the prince, who is a fat, ugly dude, pushing a sack of coins onto the knights gauntlet, Knight turns around, exits with uncomforted face, but still careless face.

    Exitscene describes that he is a little and solemn knight. Thats why I said I forgot the words that describe it. Hard to return once forgotten.

    So essentially I could use that poem you have, but not only would that give it another meaning I initially tried to express, but would also require me to completely throw over the plot and add much more detail to the animation
    Which doesn't mean it would be a bad idea, it's just no project i want to spend toooo much time with.

    Although it MIGHT be good because that poem of yours certainly has a audience that fancies a modern visualization of poetry.

    Nvm my grammar issues. Awake 24+ hours learning.

    I just looked for a word and maybe some quick sentences inbetween the lines to somewhat make it attractive.
     
  14. Radrook

    Radrook Banned Contributor

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    If it's in the middle of a fight and the sword is becoming feeble from impacts then "faltering"as an adjective would fit in.
     

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