1. Cress Albane

    Cress Albane Active Member

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    How to describe long but boring journeys

    Discussion in 'Descriptive Development' started by Cress Albane, Nov 16, 2021.

    I've been pondering about this for a few days now, but I'm still not sure what to do. I'm at a point in the story where the MC is supposed to walk from point A to point B and for the story to make sense, those two points need to be pretty far from one another. So, I'm not sure how to describe the journey, since nothing eventful is really going on.

    I thought about simply time-skipping to the next scene, but I also wanted to convey the length of the MC's journey. Focusing on her inner thoughts and the scenery are the obvious choices, but then I risk filling the chapter with pointless passages that barely add anything to the novel.

    I guess my "perfect vision" would be to include a few short paragraphs that would mention some details about what's going on in the protagonist's head and what the places she visits look like. But if I'm supposed to convey the length of the travel, shouldn't the passage describing it be pretty long, to evoke the same emotions that my MC is going through?

    Another problem is that since this is still the beginning of the story, I don't really have any other arc that could fill the void. Later, whenever characters are supposed to travel considerable distances I plan to change the perspective and focus on a different group of heroes.

    My question is, how do you approach moments like that in your work? Do you have some sort of way to convey these moments without boring the reader? Is it even that important to keep a scene like that, simply to make the world feel big?
     
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  2. evild4ve

    evild4ve Critique is stranger than fiction Supporter Contributor

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    I have a 9000w chapter like this. I had the luxury that it was late in the story and the character was to some extent created for the journey, but some things I tried were:-

    - giving the pov character a travelling companion to bounce words and ideas off
    - walking them through two places that had been established but not described
    - inserting a frightening incident in the middle (purple prose everywhere - the horror!)
    - shifting the motivation and destination during the journey so the journey changes the reasons for taking it
    - giving the character an unusual worldview so that potentially their thoughts on everyday things like busstops could be made entertaining
    - making the character vulnerable so that the journey is to-them risky

    A story I think handled vulnerability well was the animated sci-fi film Les Maîtres du Temps, (René Laloux, 1982) which was based on a novel L'Orphelin de Perdide (Stefan Wul, 1958).
    It's basically a little boy goes for a walk. A whole book of it. But the tension comes from the fact he's being guided by radio by several different adults - one of whom wants to hurt him.
     
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  3. Mogador

    Mogador Senior Member

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    Its hard to work out why you should write up the journey at all if you are having to think of any old filler for it, no matter how essential it seems to the rest of the structure. You know your vision and we don't, but still.

    Can you cut to 'B' and have your protagonist turn up with an elaborated, "Boy, what a long, tedious journey that was" section?

    The only alternative I can think of is to use it as an opportunity to fill in back story by having the protagonist day dream / reminisce, occasionally cutting back to show the same old landscape still trotting past.
     
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  4. Rizona

    Rizona Member

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    When I read this question, a section from the book Norwegian Wood (Murakami) came to mind. It describes a long journey by the MC from Tokyo to the mountains. I just dug the book out to re-read that section, and I have to say, some of it seems pretty boring now I read it again, (but these weren't my thoughts when I was immersed in the story). The descriptions are long and there is no going into thoughts, only some sensations.

    Here is an excerpt:

    "At the stop where I got off, there was nothing - no houses, no fields, just the bus-stop sign, a little stream and the trail opening. I slung my rucksack over my shoulder and started up the track. The stream ran along the left side of the trail, and a forest of deciduous trees lined the right. I had been climbing the gentle slope for some 15 minutes when I came to a road leading into the woods on the right, the opening barely wide enough to accommodate a car. AMI HOSTEL. PRIVATE. NO TRESPASSING read the sign by the road."

    That journey is four pages long in the book.

    I guess the reason for the journey is important, as @Mogador mentioned. It can be a metaphor for an inner journey (as I believe it was in Norwegian Wood), to demonstrate the effort needed to arrive somewhere, to give a new sense to the story (changing from city to isolation, etc).

    Hope that helped somehow!
     
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  5. Seven Crowns

    Seven Crowns Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor Contest Winner 2022

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    To me it sounds like you have Scene A and Scene B and you want to push them apart with this journey, but you don't really want to write out the journey in detail. You want convey the passage of time without detailing the journey, right? Because the journey itself isn't important, only the space it fills has significance.

    I would use a different scene, Scene C, which has nothing to do with the journey, and let it fill that space. Of course Scene C has more of interest. It's probably in the POV of another character. It could even be a flashback for the main character. Maybe one character tells a relevant tale to the other character and then the POV falls into that tale (it should have relevance, of course). Because basically you're saying that "something needs to happen, just not this," and so you must use another event.

    If it's just a matter of the main plot being stuck while you travel, you could cook up an interpersonal subplot that starts up in the journey.

    You could also add tension to the journey. Maybe somebody is following them? They keep seeing them at various times. That might change the story too much, I don't know. Any solution will to some extent.
     
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  6. Catriona Grace

    Catriona Grace Mind the thorns Contributor Contest Winner 2022

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    If one is going to take one's readers along on a journey, it can't be boring or they're going to find somewhere else to go. If it is boring and no way to spice it up, one can sum it up with some version of, "After a long, boring journey during which not a damn thing happened..."

    Why is your character undertaking the journey? Does someone want to prevent him from arriving at the destination? Is she reluctant to make the journey? Is he or she afraid to travel alone so the journey is fraught with real and imagined perils? Or is the character supremely confident to the point of smugness and fails to see the bandits or the landslide until one, the other, or both have landed right on top of him?
     
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  7. Cress Albane

    Cress Albane Active Member

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    Thank you all for the suggestions! I guess I should've clarified the problem a bit more, sorry :(

    When it comes to symbolism (please don't laugh), the journey is supposed to show the MC's need to grow up and start living in the world of adults - she leaves her infantile live behind and goes on to start a life where she will need to make decisions on her own and take responsibility for her actions. Reading your posts, I think I realized that the problem lays in the fact that I never really described a scene like that - as mentioned, whenever I wanted to convey that a lot of time has passed, I simply changed the POV character.

    The journey was supposed to also show how the MC reacts to the new world around here - scenery she never saw before etc. But this probably could've been squeezed into the later chapters, so I wasn't sure if the prose wouldn't be redundant. I think I'll just try describing the scene using your suggestions in 600-700 words and if I'm not satisfied I'll pop it into the workshop :D
     
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  8. lonelystar

    lonelystar Active Member

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    It seems that you may need a small something to happen on the journey so the character can react but also say that previously I would have reacted in this other way. Then your time skips could be smaller and not skipping the whole journey.

    The other thing to consider is does this information need to be given at that point? Could it be later on as dialogue, exposition or a flashback?
     
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  9. Damage718

    Damage718 Senior Member

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    Two of the stories in my last collection involved long, lonesome walks through abandoned houses. I was able to stretch it out to where we were taking the journey right with the characters, but in order to lengthen the stories, I had to damn near over-explain everything. What I could have done -- and what perhaps you could do -- is almost do a fast-forward within the scene. Like in the Norwegian Wood example posted above, where the MC is walking somewhere but then it's 15 or 20 minutes later. It's kind of a time-skip, yes, but it could be an effective way to get the character to the destination "quicker" while also showing how long it takes.
     
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  10. jannert

    jannert Retired Mod Supporter Contributor

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    In general, I think this is where you employ your POV character who is making the journey. His or her thoughts about what is happening are what will draw the reader along. If this person is bored, or tired, or discouraged, use their thoughts to convey these states of mind. What ABOUT this journey bores them? If they're angry at having to make the journey, let us in on this. If they hate certain aspects of passing scenery, or difficulty underfoot, let them express these feelings. If they are tired or miserable, let us in on how they feel. What are they longing for? Are they wet? Thirsty? Hungry? Footsore? Do they want to sleep? Do their knees ache? Or are they enjoying the feel of warm sun on their backs? Maybe wishing they had time to go off the path and explore some part of the passing scenery that looks interesting? Are they looking WAY up the road and wondering what that little dot is? Which turns out to be somebody on horseback, approaching? And etc.

    You could do worse than to check out the Lord of the Rings BOOK. Lots of long and fraught (and boring) journeys in that story, which were made anything but boring due to our engagement with the characters. The passing scenery or bleak environment made Frodo feel something. See how Tolkien did it, and see what you can do within your own story to bring that feeling of 'being there' to your characters. The readers won't end up plowing through neverendum 'descriptions' of passing scenery, but will be hooked on how your characters are processing the journey.
     
  11. BlitzGirl

    BlitzGirl Contributor Contributor

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    I'm a sucker for long journeys in fantasy, and in my current story I spend time describing the environments and landscape that my character is traveling through, and how it makes her feel. For example, at the start of the story she's a child, so the trip gets boring to her after a while and it is reflected in the way the outside world is described from her PoV. I'm just very influenced by The Lord of the Rings, so...yeah, I like to use journeys in stories as a way to describe the world I'm creating, but tying it into whatever character I'm focusing on.
     
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  12. GraceLikePain

    GraceLikePain Senior Member

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    Maybe have the character listen to some music she likes, and how it relates to the landscape. Put some little activity in the journey that the character likes, such as skipping, or thinking about buying golf clubs -- something that could really emphasize a character detail that doesn't necessarily relate to the plot, but makes your character deeper.

    All writing at the end of the day is essentially poetry. Think about what the character will encounter on her trip, then figure out poetic ways to describe it. Like a tangerine sunrise peeking through the trees like fingers running through green hair. ...Hm, maybe not that specific metaphor, but you get the idea.
     
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  13. Cress Albane

    Cress Albane Active Member

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    Hi, I took all of your advice to my heart and tried to write the journey scene I was talking about. I posted it in the workshop, under the thread "Equlibrium - chapter 2 opening". If you have the time and energy, I'd appreciate your comments on it :)
     
  14. Thom

    Thom Active Member

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    Is it possible to start your story with the MC finishing his trip? Begin it with him just arriving at his destination. You can do flashbacks to show why he started his journey, or if the reason is mysterious, keep it so until a later chapter or three.

    Another option is to use the antagonist as filler, setting up his/her threat while the MC travels along.
     
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  15. deadrats

    deadrats Contributor Contributor

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    I see a long boring journey as a way to introduce something unexpected along the way. No part of your story should be boring. A lot of crazy things can happen a a journey. Not that it has to be so crazy, but there's no reason not to add something to this trip that will ultimately add something to the story.
     
  16. Det Del Dragons

    Det Del Dragons Member

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    I don't think there's anything wrong with keeping this section shorter. You can convey length without writing a really long section. But if you wanted to add something, maybe there's some mythology about the landscape that the protagonist can reflect on that builds your world a bit? Or perhaps the landscape reminds them of something? You could have them see a cool rock feature or something that prompts them to go over an important memory in their life.
     
  17. hmnut

    hmnut Member

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    This was a fun exercise, I will attempt to go from what I feel is worst to best.

    4) Write the whole boring journey - "they were walking, and walking and walking and walking" Do that for like 5 chapters. It will be boring but it will give the reader a sense of what character was going through. This is the worst option because being boring is inherently bad.

    3) Make it interesting - Write the 100,000 mile trek but add monsters, and dragons, and a love story along the way. I am not a fan of this because if the point is the trip is boring, keep it (relatively boring).

    2) Tell don't show - in writing time is an illusion, it only exist when you say it exist, so "they walked for 100,000 miles, it was boring" (You could come up with something better than that, but that's the gist). Just take the L on trying to make something boring interesting, and don't spend a lot of (or any) time on the boring parts.

    1) SUBPLOTS - So while your characters are walking a 100,000 miles the world did not stop turning (unless it did for story reasons). Most likely somewhere in the world SOMETHING interesting and relevant is happening, use that, especially if it is something that shows the passage of time, like a character working on a project. So I would do a few pages (or paragraphs) of the hero walking maybe some dialog about how he feels and then a few pages showing what is happening somewhere else relevant to the story (maybe at the destination the hero is going to). A few short paragraphs or pages about what the Hero is going through, and then more of the subplot, keep doing that until the hero arrives.

    (flashbacks and visions can also work the same as Subplots)

    This is my favorite approach because it doesn't take away from the journey but doesn't let the boredom bog down the story either.
     
  18. w. bogart

    w. bogart Contributor Contributor Blogerator

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    They are going to make stops on a long journey, so have interesting things happen at the stops. We stopped at town B, several hours after leaving town A. We went to use the restroom at the gas station, and found it was nasty, with a backed up toilet. We really had to go, so we.....
     
  19. Catriona Grace

    Catriona Grace Mind the thorns Contributor Contest Winner 2022

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    "It was a long and sufficatingly boring journey that (Thank the Goddesses) eventually came to an end."
     
  20. badgerjelly

    badgerjelly Contributor Contributor

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    Simple. DO NOT DESCRIBE IT!

    I imagine your character visits the toilet yet you no doubt feel no need to ‘describe’ this mundane part of their life because no one cares.

    The whole point of relating a narrative is that you can cut out the boring bits and get to the juicy part you care about. Do that.
     
  21. badgerjelly

    badgerjelly Contributor Contributor

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    Alternatively just cut the part before this ‘boring journey’. Start the story where it is interesting rather than making pointless filler. Anything important that happens before the journey can be addressed in hindsight. As the narrator of the story you can actually travel through time. The usual laws of physics do not apply unless you let them control you.
     

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