1. Where I Hide (Ember)

    Where I Hide (Ember) New Member

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    ALIENS!!!!!

    Discussion in 'Fantasy' started by Where I Hide (Ember), Oct 9, 2017.

    Okay guys! This is my first like, official post here regarding my writing. There has been a novel in the works for over 8 years now. I made almost all of my titles and stories when I was super young and now I'm a failing adult who has no idea what he's doing. I've gotten up to chapter 8 in my original draft bUT i scrapped the whole thing because it was not going the way I intended. Basically, the synopsis (am I using that word right?) is this:

    Delilah Weylin is a seemingly fine, regular girl. Normal things happen, she has social issues, she's a little on the quiet side and such... The only thing really off about her is she hears a voice in her head - THE Voice. That's all she knows it as. This Voice has followed her around her whole life and the only people who know about it is her parents. It told her constantly how important she was. How powerful she was. How incredible she was. Really tried to inflate her ego, make her like it. Her parents thought. Wow. That's- Strange! My daughter is hearing voices, trying to be supportive, wondering if it was a disorder... They tried getting help for her, but before anything could really happen.... Her parents died in a freak fire accident and all evidence pointed to Delilah. Thing is, she has no recollection of anything ever happening! So now she lives with her cousin Toby, the only person who really accepts her and tries to understand her. He was the fire fighter who pulled her out of the house. He has no reason to believe it was her.

    Years go by. The Voice shows up every now and then. But one thing leads to another, and the Voice now directs Delilah where it wants her to go. The strange identity brings her to a place that only she knows where it is. It's basically a portal to a pocket dimension, which is connected to all other dimensions. The Voice has a play in everything and is trying to get as much power from the people who enter as possible.
    Delilah's goal is to find out WHY the Voice thought she was 'important' enough to be in this realm, and find the actual happenings that lead to her parents death.

    This post is already all over the place, but that's like the overview a;lskdfja;slkj im DYING OVER HERE,,,

    Through the story Delilah will meet her supporting cast members, and there is a technical love interest but Delilah is Aromantic/Asexual. It's a humor/young adult/fantasy novel. There will be death from a lot of things. I just want to have a better grasp as to why the Voice wants Delilah and why the Voice wants to honestly torture her. I think I have a lot of potential here, but I just need to round it out a bit more.

    SO MY QUESTION(s) ARE:
    - If this is a pocket realm, should she be stuck in it, or be free to go back and forth?
    - I really like Toby as a character! How can I include him more in the story?
    - Delilah has a different way of approaching things. She's SUPER hard headed and timid at the same time???? How to balance issues from social trauma plus personality traits?
    - I DO NOT want to just portrait this as a typical 'mental health' situation. I know how this shit is and how villifying it is to people with ACTUAL DISORDERS. It's so frustrating trying to balance and not stab myself in the foot with this!!!! What are your thoughts?
    - is there anything you want to know about the characters

    Thank you so much for reading a;sldfja i hOPE THIS MAKES SENSE!!!!!!!!
     
  2. The Broken Soul Project

    The Broken Soul Project Active Member

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    Free, to go back and forth
    If you go back and forth you're more likely to include him, because She is more likely to interact with him.
    I mean as long as Delilah isn't a super inactive character that doesn't try to do anything, I think you will be fine balancing those aspects. Unless inaction serves some sort of purpose then don't do it unless you really need to.
    As for the mental health disorder thing(seeing as how I have read your story) I don't think your villifying anything at all. People view her negatively but that's to be expected considering we live in fucked up society.
     
  3. GB reader

    GB reader Senior Member

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    I think it looks like a possibly good story.

    Let her be free to go backwards/forwards.


    (I have a daughter that show some of the qualities your MC has. Both hard and timid.)

    You can use this ‘strange’ combination to somehow (you will have to think out how) either

    make it difficult for the voice to control her

    or

    it being the reason the voice has chosen her.


    Dialog/interaction with Toby can show a lot about both of them.


    good luck!
     
  4. Gadock

    Gadock Active Member

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    I agree with @The Broken Soul Project on both points, specifically to the mental disorder is something to actually really work with.

    Although it's not actually a disorder, you can certainly be sure both the MC and anyone that knows will think that. Although auditory hallucinations are often linked with schizophrenia, it's also possible to have this without any mental disorder but just organic brain disorders (think about epilepsy). Read about this stuff, add it and make the reader doubt whether she's having these thought for real or not, even though it's quite obvious the case of the plot. You can do this by making it different to any known disorders, and make the MC question this, or the psychiatrist if she's seeing one.

    Also you're saying the voice wants to torture her, but it's saying nice things constantly? Why would that be torture? Do you already know why the voice wants her, how it's connected, and how it get strengthened by people entering the pocket dimension?

    One advise, try to find a different word for dimension. Different dimensions only indicate measurable extend in direction and not necessarily different space/world/universe/ or find something creative. Newtonian physics has 4 dimensions and going to a different one means just a shift of that, the observer wouldn't know because it can only comprehend one.
     
  5. Gadock

    Gadock Active Member

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    Oh and welcome to the forum!
     
  6. Where I Hide (Ember)

    Where I Hide (Ember) New Member

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    Absolutely, thank you! I'm glad to know the combination isn't unheard of. She's just been through so much, constant bullying, being seen as a freak by professionals and friends and family alike. Toby is the only one who understands her and absolutely, their interactions are golden. I will definitely include him more and interact with her throughout the story and with her problems.
     
  7. Where I Hide (Ember)

    Where I Hide (Ember) New Member

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    Hello!!! Wow you've given me a bunch of cool tips.
    I do sort of know why the Voice wants her. The Voice is trying to gain souls, trying to gain trust from all over the universe. Each universe contains a very special person to the Voice. I don't really know the qualifications of what makes someone special to it, or why Delilah is one of them. It's like, if they're easily manipulated, or so he thinks they are. I'm not sure, yet.

    As for like her personality, it does make it difficult for the Voice to control her. Like. Ok. Here is an example of how the Voice can control her and thus torture her, making her feel wrong, broken, or disrupt her life to make others hate her and belittle her more. It's trying to isolate her and manipulate her into thinking that the Voice is a friend, someone Delilah can trust.

    In my original draft, there was a scene where Delilah was supposed to go home from fainting at school. The Voice makes her black out and he brings her to this mental space where she can hear him and respond to him, otherwise, if she is not in this mental space, she cannot. She can only listen and she's the only one who can hear it (until she gets into this new realm). It's completely black and he shows her whatever he sees fit to pursuade her. So far these scenes are only filler and I'm not quite sure what else to do with them. But after one particularly nasty blackout, she's told to go home, and Toby is en suite to pick her up from school.

    These bullies approach her outside the school and start to taunt her with fire, which she now has a dire fear of. The Voice has been explaining to her "stay away from the flame" her whole life. (which is subject to change depending on you guys's responses, I want as much input as possible on this.) So after these bullies prod and taunt her, she runs off from the school grounds. The bullies straight up chase her. There was an intense scene where she's scared, sweating so bad its in her eyes, and she's literally running blind. But the Voice says "Come, I'll lead you. To Where I Hide." This realm, I suppose, it's more like a realm, of sorts, and it is hidden from everyone unless he chooses to let them in. There is a depleted and abandoned construction ground that she runs to, with walls falling and crumbling apart. There is a specific hole in the wall, where she fell through blindly, cried out the salt and dirt in her eyes, then peered out. The bullies cannot see her despite the wall exposing half her body. This is the entrance to the Voice's realm. He led her there. That's the kind of thing he can do. He's technically a part of her, but not??????

    Like to add onto WHY she was chosen out of all people, is strange. I added the point to the story that humans are seen as the most inferior race out of all the universes. She will be treated badly and it will be a very dangerous place for her to be in where the Voice resides. She will find friends and the like, but it will be difficult.
     

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