Hi guys, I've just read a few pages of the Walk Dead novel, and admittedly the author of that was admonished for overuse of similes, catchphrases, and specifically spending half a page describing all the items that rich people have in their house. This got me thinking. I've posted a small snippet of my writing below, and I'm wondering if I should be adding a little more description? --------------- Later that evening, the sound of tires crunching on gravel brought Clair from her day dream. She got up and pulled back the curtains. Two troop carriers pulled up the driveway and half a dozen or so soldiers emerged. They advanced towards the front door. Clair heard the door open and Ange’s voice followed. “Good evening. Can we help you with something?” “Yes, ma’am. We’re looking for two people. One girl about yay tall, slim, wearing a dark top and jeans. The other is a young man with short cropped hair. You wouldn’t have seen two people matching that description would you?” “No sir. Can’t say I have.” Clair heard the slight quaver in Ange’s voice and stole into Jordan’s room. “Jordan,” she hissed. “The army’s here. Looking for us. Where can we hide?” Jordan grabbed her arm, “There’s a great little hiding place in the barn.” They ran out the back door and across the grass to the barn. Jordan went to where they kept the feed and yanked out some of the wooden beams, revealing a narrow gap where they could just squeeze into. ----------- I thought maybe it needed a little more describing what's around them. Maybe they look around the room they're in, trying to find something that might resemble a good hiding spot. Such as this: Jordan glanced around the room as the voices of the soldiers grew louder, indicating they had stepped inside the house. He looked at the closet. Too obvious. The door to the cellar was on the other side of the house, but the soldiers stood betweeen them. "I know," he said, grabbing Clair's hand. They ran outside towards the barn. The barn glowed orange with the dying light of the sun as it began to set behind the distant mountains. Is that better? By adding a little more description to what's around them? Same goes with the description of hte zombies. I generally don't describe how they look, for instance, when they die. Like in this example: The bullet struck the zombie in the chest. “Shit,” she muttered, fumbling to reload the gun. The zombie drew nearer, mouth widening as its hands reached out towards her. The reassuring click as the bullet entered the chamber. She drew the gun up to her eye level and pulled the trigger. Blood spattered her face as the zombie stumbled backwards collapsing into the ground. The only real description of the impact is at the end. Should I add something like - The bullet lodged in the zombie's fleshy stomach, the trickle of blood not slowing it down at all. Thanks!