"I'm going to take China's Great Wall because they owe us so much money, and I'm going to place it on the Mexican border." -Donald Trump "If I'm president, I'll order the Department of Agriculture to plant more money trees so we can pay for all the things I promised you." -Bernie Sanders "I'll say anything and pretend to give a crap about you." -Hillary Clinton Is this about right?
It's about right for Hillary. The other two don't make any sense (even as someone who can't stand Trump).
I think Trump is a natural politician. Look at it objectively. He went from being a "joke" among political commentators to number one in the polls, and when they said he'd fizzle out he became more popular, and when they said he wouldn't survive the primaries (in the words of one MSNBC commentator, Trump supporters won't "go into action" at the voting booths), not only has he stormed the primaries, he's practically become the GOP nominee. He derailed Bush's campaign, who was the darling of the party. He's gotten the media to pay for nearly his entire campaign. He's made Rubio fluster and Christie his lapdog. And the funniest part? He more or less predicted this. I'm not a Trump supporter, but I put credit where credit is due. This guy is playing some 3D Machiavellian chess.
Yeah I know but it doesn't work. Trump's real quote is almost as absurd so your fictional one doesn't add anything. Bernie's positions aren't absurd and he has set forth how he will pay for things. And your Hillary quote is an accurate statement and therefore also fails to be absurd.
The only humor people can't take is when it's against their religion or their politics. Would you agree?
Trump is certainly a natural politician. He sweats 'success'. That is perhaps the single most important thing for a politician to have today. I know it sounds a bit unpleasantly populist but this is democracy for gods sake. Popularity matters. Being conspicuously successful really does help a lot, it makes people want to follow you to share in your success. In a very real sense everyone who supports him is hoping that he's going to run the country like business; heartless but sleek and profitable. It's hard to argue against that because his positions (assuming I've read this right; I'm a Brit and don't really care all that much) are coming more from his business sense than from any entrenched ideology. He's a guy who will pursue what is best (in his opinion) regardless of politics. Again, that's something hard for the existing structure to fight against. He'd actually do a bunch of Democratic stuff if he felt that was the best move. That's why he cares more about winning. Don't be fooled by pretty much anything he's saying while campaigning to Republican supporters; he's almost a-political. He wants to win.
Let me try... TRUMP: “[insert something horribly offensive and/or completely untrue]”/“Make America Great Again!!” CLINTON: “I care very little about you. Any of you. I'm just telling you want you want to hear.” SANDERS: “I'm the hip politician no one likes.”
All Trump has done is make brash, stupid promises and claims that appeal to extremist masses. You could call that "natural politics", but blind cynicism doesn't get you very far. In fact, a lot of people like him because he ISN'T a politician, popular consensus is "He's a rich businessman so he can fix the economy lol!", because Americans are incredibly fucking stupid and it's socially hip to just say "all politicians are shit/crooked/bad" because no one will argue with you. I'm not sure where confusion over where Bernie is going to get money comes from, his campaign runs on hefty cuts to military spending.
Trump: "I'm here to dispel the myth that you need experience to get a job." Clinton: "I'm really the pokemon Ditto in disguise." Sanders: "I couldn't get a visa to relocate to Scandinavia, so I decided to turn the US into it instead!"
Can I have another go? Trump: <reviewing his list> “Now is there anything else offensive I haven't said yet? Hmm... Oh, uh, here's one about how the disabled are just leechers 'cause they rely on welfare. Good, I'll use that. Uh... MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!” Clinton: “You all are just hoping for a repeat of my husband's presidency, aren't you?” Sanders: “I'm gonna Europeanize the crap of you, America!!”
Sanders: "I believe that what impacts you impacts me, that we are all united in one way or another. When children go hungry, I get impacted. When kids die because they can't afford medicine, I get impacted. We are one world and one people. And that belief leads me to the conclusion that we just cannot turn our back on human suffering." Trump:"And, he referred to my hands -- 'if they're small, something else must be small.' I guarantee you there's no problem. I guarantee." Clinton:"F**k off! It’s enough that I have to see you shit-kickers every day, I’m not going to talk to you too!! Just do your G*damn job and keep your mouth shut.” Oh wait, they're all real!
My turn! Sanders: “I know how it feels like to be every ethnicity in this country!” Trump: “Everyone not me can just go to Hell! They are not Americans like me!” Clinton: “I'm basically Obama if he were (1) white and (2) a woman.”
