Is this the proper way to do second person?

So you think you've made it huh? Are you some big shot tough guy now? Look at yourself, what you have become. How did we get here? How did you get here? Who's we? It's just us. Wait, there I go again, you tricked me. You lied, how could you fall for your own tricks?

You stand in front of the steam paned window, cracked with your own flaws. Amongst the damage you have brought upon yourself you see the inner you. You can relax now, no need to fret. You've been in this predicament before, haven't you?

The water was beginning to overflow the tub as you gazed into the haze. The smoke bellowed from your cigarette leaving you to choke on the air. You begin to sway, like the night you got wasted at the pub. You shout for help but no words. What's this that has taken over you?


A short time had passed, the water now spilling into the hall.

"Pull yourself together, damn you!" You thought. Trying to hold your eyes open you knew what was coming. The band still on your arm, it gives you what you want. The feel, the pain, the pleasure it's what you are.

 

..... where is the question here? The upper quarter of the forum is for questions.

 

Yeah...

I'm confused. This seems like a few disconnected snippets with vastly different voice.

 

In the title?

But I agree it's a bit off. Read @spencer's short for an example of good second person.

https://www.writingforums.org/threads/same-day-different-shit.150410/

 

I agree that it feels like three different, very different voices. I don't particularly care for any of them, but I also don't care for the word "proper" being used to limit creativity, so...?

 

I think the parts that throw me off are the questions in each snippet. I don't particularly like questions directed to no one in narration. It usually* feels like a gimmick. Some people use that as a way to close the distance between POV and reader, but I don't like it.

*This is not always the case. There are plenty of examples in which it's used well.

 

I don't think it is, because of this bit:

When you use first-person pronouns like 'we' or 'I', it becomes a first-person narrative with the narrator directly addressing the reader, rather than a second-person narrative where the reader is the protagonist.

 

Okay so if it had just (you's) no I or we is that it or no?

 

The story behind what I don't like to call a short because it was just something I did for practice in 15 mins, however, It's supposed to be yourself (the reader) In a bathroom strung out on some sort of drug/injectible, having hallucinations.