For a moment she considered pretending she had not heard that. Can someone reword this for me so it doesn't read like crap? It is said immediately after hearing something someone did not want to hear.
Perhaps remove the For a moment part, since it seems redundant. It kind of depends on what happens afterward. If she addresses this point that she didn't want to hear then you could possibly reword it. She considered pretending she had not heard that, but decided against it. She considered pretending she had not heard that, but decided she could not let it slide. Or something along those lines. Edit: I might also add, that if you want to keep more in spirit of the original sentence, then you could simply say. She considered pretending she had not heard that. or She considered pretending to have not heard that.
the problem is she had not heard that. What is that and, if it's dialogue (as I assume) who said it? Blah Blah Blah, he said. For a moment she thought about pretending not to hear. Instead, she turned around and growled, that's the worst pretend dialogue I've ever read! Although thought about is still clunky.
That works or. She feigned ignorance of the comment but decided she could not let it pass without an answer.
For a moment, she was tempted to pretend she hadn't heard... I use commas like they're going out of style, but that makes it read better to me.
It was tempting to pretend she hadn't heard (or heard what x character said), but xxxxxx. She could pretend not to hear what X said, or she could punch him in the face. She chose the latter. Semi- kidding about the second one.
For a moment she considered pretending she had not heard that. I need a bit of backstory. Does she wish she didn't know because she wished whatever it was wasn't true? Or does she wish she hadn't heard it because it means she has to make a decision or act in some way on the information, pretending not to know gave her an excuse not to do something? Either way, you don't need "for a moment" because that is inherent in 'considered'.
“Shin?” she said to the silent interior of the room. There was no response. She lifted the chain over her head and let it drop around her neck. She scooped the metal trinket up to her mouth. “Shin, did you turn-off whatever listening device was in this thing?” There was no reply. “Computer?” A light ignited on the small metal box affixed to the ceiling above the doorway. Yes? “Where is Shin?” I don’t know. There was a pause. Your father was asking after you earlier. INSERT LINE HERE.
Get rid of, 'She became still' and just say, 'She thought about pretending she hadn't heard that'. That's American English though. It might throw things off.
My 2 cents: "I don’t know. There was a pause. Your father was asking after you earlier. She became still. She considered pretending she had not heard that."
Her father? She could pretend not to have heard. Or, depending on the right emotion: Her father! She could pretend not to have heard.
You don't need the ? or the !, those are optional depending on how you imagine this character reacting.
I do not see enough here to provide an idea for rewriting the sentence. My question is, What is that? A rifle shot, a window breaking in the other room, An insult directed at her. Maybe overhearing two others talking about her or someone she knows. Then what action after that moment? Maybe with this information a better description of why she hesitated will give you a handle on how to word that sentence.
She thought of playing the deaf card and disregarding what had been said but decided it was pointless.
@Chinspinner - Could you give us some context? It's hard to advise when we don't know your writing style. Maybe a few lines that come immediately before and after this one? My own inclination would be to de-formalise, but if your style is formal, then my suggested changes would be useless. Just going by what's here, I'd suggest making it clear what she wanted to pretend not to have heard. She considered pretending she hadn't heard those words. For a moment she wanted to pretend she hadn't heard the explosion. For a moment she considered ignoring that order.
