Traditional Another rejection letter

Discussion in 'Traditional Publishing' started by AnrBjotk, Apr 12, 2014.

  1. jazzabel

    jazzabel Agent Provocateur Contributor

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    I have no doubt that you feel exactly this way, and that it all makes sense to you. But from the outside, it looks like you are whinging, looking for an excuse to do nothing, looking for an excuse to give up. Here's the deal - you don't need an excuse. You want to give up at the first (or a hundredth) hurdle? Do it. You feel like your sobriety is threatened by external factors and that external factors are those who will buy the heroin, find the needle and a syringe, apply the tourniquet, inject? Let it! And make sure you notify somebody of this unknown force that can manipulate objects, because I'm pretty sure it would have a few more useful applications.

    Forgive me for being sarcastic, but I feel that your self-defeting, emotional blackmail-style comment needed a bit of balancing.

    Nobody can live your life except for you. People struggle all the time, and some people have the drive and will to keep pressing on, others manage to pull themselves out of depression and illness, and then there are some that never do. I am not an addict myself, but a dear friend of mine, now a neurologist in France, ran away from a bad situation at home when he was 14, spent the next 6 years on the street as a junky, and managed to pull himself out of it. He went cold turkey, went to evening school to get his high school degree, then got into Science at University, and four years later transferred to Medicine. He never touched the stuff since. So it is possible. Whether it is possible for everyone, I don't know. And if from the depths of your being, all you are hearing 'quit, quit, all effort is worthless, everything is doomed' then it's a real pity. But I'll tell you this much - for an ordinary person, feeling awesome, happy, useful, proud of oneself, strong, is very rare. Most of the time, people deal with anxiety, insecurity and failure. They go to sleep every night, even though they don't know how to pay bills or how to pay for their kid's books. It's a skill we all must master in order to cope with adulthood. Your best bet is to accept this, and find a way to live, and deal with anxiety, without resorting to self-destructive behaviour. If you don't, no matter what feedback you get, you'll still be your own worst enemy.
     
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  2. plothog

    plothog Contributor Contributor

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    I'm sorry but two years is nothing in writing. It's incredibly rare to be good enough to be published after only two years of work.
    If the people who see you as a failure think it should happen that quickly, then you should stop worrying about what they think, because they don't have a clue.
    If you have a master degree in something, you didn't fail at it or they wouldn't have given you the degree. Lots of people don't have any sort of master degree. Sure you subsequently failed to make a living off it. - but that's another very hard field to make a living. Many many people end up moving into a completely different field to their degrees.
    I scraped through a degree in chemistry and came out knowing there was no way I wanted to work in chemistry. For a couple of years after, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, lived at home with my parents and did bits of low wage office temp work, before ending up being successful in the computer game industry.

    Part of your problem is that you're setting yourself very tough goals. Get published in just two years? Most people would fail at that. By your criteria of failure, most people would be failures.
    Just because you've not found your way in life yet, doesn't mean you never will.
     
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  3. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    @jazzabel has it right. Now it's time for me to be a bit more honest with you, OP. What do you really want to do. If you want to write, then I think you already know what to do. As said before, we'll help you as much as we can, but only you can make this work. No writer worth his or her salt would call it quits because of a few rejection letters. Even famous writers like JK Rowling were rejected multiple times before they finally nailed it.

    I know it must be tough, it must hurt. Getting rejected must be like standing in front of an archer, bare-chested with a target painted over your heart, and telling the archer to fire squarely at that target. It must hurt like hell, but you must keep going if this is your goal. It takes more than two years for most writers to get their stuff out. Sometimes, it takes a decade. Didn't it take JK Rowling nearly a decade to get her first book out? Yeah, had she given up, we would never have had Harry Potter to grace our bookshelves.

    To quote my creative writing teacher, "How badly do you want this?" If publishing isn't for you, that's fine. You can always write for a hobby, write for the sake of writing and the enjoyment of writing. Again, no shame in writing for a hobby. I like to game, it's a hobby of mine. Would I want to make a living making videogames? No, I don't. I just want to game because I take enjoyment out of it. Does that make me a failure? Again, no. Whether or not you make a living off of what you enjoy to do doesn't have any bearing on your self-worth.

    Also, plothog has it right. Not everyone gets the dream job when they're in their twenties. You are two-three years old than me, OP. It's a very tough time to get a job now, especially for folks like us. Don't get discouraged. It may take a few years, but I doubt it'll be like this forever.
     
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2014
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  4. AnrBjotk

    AnrBjotk New Member

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    Yes, I know I'm whining and whinging. I'm aware of that. THAT'S the problem. Those things don't improve with more rejection, do they? Huh? If you failed at everything you would whine too. That's what people do.
    Let me guess: "No, they dust themselves off and get back on that horse".
    Well, I've done that fifty times now. After the fiftieth fall you don't feel like getting up again.

    See, here's another thing I just realized: What they are basically saying is that I lack the basic insight into human behaviour to write.
    You know what's worse than getting rejected? Getting rejected when you fear rejection. To have you fears comfirmed. Have them cemented.

    And no, not "published in two years" Two years was the working time for this MS. I've been writing for seven years, and this ms is part of the thing I have been working and tinkering with since I began. It's my work, the synthesis of my entire idea.
     
  5. AnrBjotk

    AnrBjotk New Member

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    I.e. I've been writing for seven years, and this is NOT my first rejection letter. But it might be my last.
     
  6. jazzabel

    jazzabel Agent Provocateur Contributor

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    You quite obviously haven't failed at 'everything'. And no, not everyone who 'fails at everything' quits. People live through war, rape, torture, famine, unimaginable things, for decades, some are severely disabled so they fail every day at trying to hold the spoon, let alone write a publishable novel, and they don't give up. Maybe if you started using a more precise language, saying 'I want to give up because..." and not pretend that you have the reasons that would make "everyone give up" (because they wouldn't) you can figure out what the problem is.
     
  7. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    OK, so you're sick of being kicked down by every publisher you submit your manuscript to? Well, then you should ask yourself a question: "Do I want to be a published author?" Be honest with yourself. The reason I decided to not be a published author was because I didn't want to handle the uphill fight to get my work out on the shelves. I figured it'd be much easier, and much more rewarding if I wrote for my own pleasure. No uphill battle to fight, no anxiety over the most minute detail ever, nothing. Just writing whatever my heart wants.

    If your profile is correct, you're in your 20s. Most people don't really publish until they're in their 40s or 50s. You're young, like me. You and I both need a few decades worth of life experience before we can even think of getting our works published. You're 27, don't put so much stress on yourself. :D I'm 25 and not published, and I'm OK with that. The economy sucks, so it'll take a while to get a job. Volunteer at a few places to keep yourself occupied, and you'll be doing something for the community.
     
  8. AnrBjotk

    AnrBjotk New Member

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    But I don't WANT to quit.
    That's the problem.
    I want to write. But how can I write when I'm told I shouldn't?
    I don't want to give up, but it's humiliating being a failure.
    I love writing, but only when I feel like I'm doing it right - which clearly I havent.

    The hatred I feel for the publishing house right now is scary. How can they just cut people down like that? Who gives them them right?

    I know I'm young. But as I said, the issue is that in order to write I need confidence, and in order to get confidence... you see? Simple equation. People have published in their teens, early twenties, good stuff too.
    And YES, I want to be published. That's the point. Otherwise the work will have no purpose and I'll never know whether it's done or not.
     
  9. jazzabel

    jazzabel Agent Provocateur Contributor

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    Without resorting to cliches (if they told you to jump off a bridge would you jump etc), I'll point out that you are not dealing with your anxiety appropriately. How can they cut people down like that? Many reasons. maybe they had a bad day, or a crisis at home, maybe they are jealous. But, far most common reason is that your manuscript needs work. If it needs a LOT of work, they were probably annoyed with you for wasting their time. It happens. You need to accept it, set it aside as just one (or fifty) people's opinion, and try harder. Keeping an eye on the prize can take decades, before you get the prize. That's life.

    Second thing to point out is your 'buts'. "I want to do xyz BUT." It's like saying "I'm not a racist BUT..." All I'm hearing when I hear 'but, but, but', is that someone doesn't actually want to do something, but they feel they ought to, so they look for excuses in order to feel better about not doing it.

    Look at your sentences and reconsider saying "I don't want to write. I want to give up. I don't really like writing." You'll probably get angry and come up with a few reasons why those statements aren't true. Those are your reasons for not quitting, no 'ifs ands or buts'.

    ps. You don't need confidence in order to write. You need a pen and a paper, or if you are lucky, a working computer. And perhaps a chair to sit on. Everything else is looking for an excuse to not write.
     
  10. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    @AnrBjotk - But I don't WANT to quit.
    That's the problem.
    I want to write. But how can I write when I'm told I shouldn't?
    I don't want to give up, but it's humiliating being a failure.
    I love writing, but only when I feel like I'm doing it right - which clearly I havent.

    The hatred I feel for the publishing house right now is scary. How can they just cut people down like that? Who gives them them right?


    Then keep writing. Don't stop just because someone told you to stop. Ignore them. Now, this publishing company specified you had trouble with your characters, plot, and suspense. There, something we can work on. Next step is to show us scenes from your work so we can see what needs fixing. They're not saying you yourself suck, they're not telling you to stop writing, they're saying your writing needs some tweaking. Guess what, everyone goes through that.

    And no one can say whether they're doing it right or not. The purpose of the first draft is to put it down first, then edit. You think Stephen King puts his first draft out for his agent(s) to publish? No. He has to edit and re-edit, submit and re-submit until it's as good as it can be. That's what the writing process is all about.

    As Jazzabel said, stop with the 'buts'. I've done that a lot before. "I want to write a story set during the American Revolution, but..." or "I want to write a sci-fi that's like Star Trek and Mass Effect, but..."

    But what? Why should there be a reason for you to not do what you want to do? They're not stopping you, dude, you are. You're the one that's making yourself not write by making an excuse that they're doing this to you. Trust me when I say that, because I've done this before. I can't begin to tell you how many times I've made a thread in my earlier years asking if it were OK to do this or that.


    I know I'm young. But as I said, the issue is that in order to write I need confidence, and in order to get confidence... you see? Simple equation. People have published in their teens, early twenties, good stuff too.
    And YES, I want to be published. That's the point. Otherwise the work will have no purpose and I'll never know whether it's done or not.


    OK, so we've established you want to publish. This publisher in question says your draft needs work. Now the next step is to polish it up, fix the errors and work on the plot, characters, and suspense. Once that's done, proceed with the submitting process again by giving it out to every publishing company you can find.

    Don't compare yourself to author authors. I don't care how old they were when they first published. Learn from their work, yes, but don't compare yourself to them. Stephen King doesn't compare himself to JK Rowling. He probably likes her work, but he doesn't gripe about why he's not her. Instead, he just focuses on his work and being the best Stephen King he can be.

    You want to be published. Think on that, let that seep into your very soul. Scream it out loud if you have to. Who is the one person on Earth that will stop you? I know of only one person who can. And that's you. Are you going to let yourself quit?

    TL;DR:

    You: "I want to write."

    Me: "Stop right there. That's your answer. Go write."
     
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2014
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  11. T.Trian

    T.Trian Overly Pompous Bastard Supporter Contributor

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    Most people are put down in their lives all the time. My mom thought I was too dumb to get into university. That can be a self-fulfilling prophecy if I'd just gone "yeah, you're right, I am." But guess what? Nothing's set in stone. Why should you obey someone who tells you you should write? If you feel like writing, write. Even if it's shit. Who cares? Your writing improves only by working on... writing! If you don't want to write, quit.

    And publishing houses have the right to piss in your face because right now, they hold all the cards. Thing is, you're facing exactly what every aspiring author is facing. You've been rejected fifty times? Big deal. Many get rejected a hundred times, hundreds of times, depending on their level, luck, everything. If you wish to quit, quit. If not, don't. It's your call.


    No, not really. You don't even need confidence to write; just write and make your writing the best you can. If you work on it long and hard enough (2 years on one piece isn't that long, actually), someone somewhere will probably like it. Those are the odds we mere mortals face, we who don't have connections to publishing houses or agents, who don't have lots of name or money to spread around.

    And sure, bitch, moan, cry, complain, but also keep writing if you want to. If not, quit writing so you can also quit complaining.

    Btw, I'm also an addict (although I'm wrestling with prescription opiates instead of heroin), currently cutting my doses, while struggling with pain 24/7, university studies, unemployment, yaddayadda. I know it sucks to hear this, but 99,9% of people have it hard. Some have it a bit harder than others, but you need not look far to find someone who's worse off. I'm constantly reminded by how good I have things simply by looking at people around me, reading the news etc.

    I know it's fucking hard to be thankful for what I got sometimes 'cause sometimes you get sick of the pain, the need for the drugs etc. but it passes, it always does. Focus on the things that give you perspective, help you see things as they really are, i.e. they're never as bad as they seem. Surround yourself with things that motivate and inspire you instead of reveling in your failures. I've done that too and, honestly, it's the equivalent of mental masturbation. Questions like "why me?" "why is it so hard?" "why can't I succeed?" are just the fap fap and fap of your mind. It's best to focus on more productive things, that's all.

    Good luck.
     
  12. AnrBjotk

    AnrBjotk New Member

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    No, they didn't say it "needs work". They said I had a bit to go before they would consider publishing (btw the same thing they said four years ago, sad but true). So there is no "polishing or tweaking". Apparently all, sans one, of my thirteen short stories were contrived and unrealistic, with no real connection between characters. (again, sad fact: This is because I have no friends and therefore no way of knowing how people behave in real life.) They also said that "mine" was a world where incredibly cruel things "just happened" to my main characters (two of my characters get raped, two murdered, three committ suicide and one die of an unknow disease). This was my entire point. The cruelty of the world.
    But apparently since I'm a nobody, just another loser, my vision is seen as bad writing - which is probably is.

    In my imagination, best case scenario would be a reply like "You have some really interesting things here. Fascinating plots and off beat characters. You're on to something good, you just need to writer another few drafts. Try to go further and push the stories a bit more and let us hear from you in a years time."
    Instead I got an eery repetiton of my mother's message: You're not good enough. You're a failure and this isn't even real writing.
     
  13. AnrBjotk

    AnrBjotk New Member

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    Maybe you don't, but I do. In order to spend hours of my day sitting down and dedicating all my attention to a made-up story, I need the confidence to say, yes, I'm going to do this. To dare to get excited and involved.
    Of course, if I get any more involved, imagine how hard another rejection will hit...
     
  14. T.Trian

    T.Trian Overly Pompous Bastard Supporter Contributor

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    My point is, there will come times when you lose faith in your skills, your story, your characters, whatever. Happens to everyone. The only way to overcome those slumps, that I know of, is just to keep writing, thinking you're just producing shit, because eventually that storm will pass, the sun will rise again, and the confidence, the belief in what you do, will come back.

    In a way, it's the opposite of a vicious circle: the more you write, the better you get. The better you get, the more confident you will be. Also, the better you are, the higher your chances of success will be. Hence I think it's worth it to suffer through the annoying moments of weakness and doubt and later edit what you wrote then, because it probably truly wasn't your best work (or, who knows, maybe it was?).
     
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  15. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    OK, we're getting somewhere. Your characters were randomly suffering just for the sake of suffering and cruelty, that's what they had issues with. There was no real rhyme or reason behind the suffering. If I were writing a story about the cruelty of the world, I would give my characters something worth fighting for, something worth suffering for, only to take it away from them at the last minute. So why are they suffering? What are your characters fighting for to the point where out of the seven characters, six died and the last two were violently assaulted? Take out a paper and start brainstorming what they're fighting for. What sort of world are they in? Who are the people they're surrounded by? Do they want the world to change, and if so, how? Are they fighting for justice and freedom? Are they fighting against some evil dark entity/dictator/emperor/high king/Lord Protectorate/whatever? What are their social standings in this world? Are they servants? Slaves? People from the lower class?

    Basically:

    A= Who are these main characters? What do they want? Why do they want this so bad? How do they know each other? What's their social standing in society?

    B= What world do they live in? Post-Apocalyptia? A 'Big Brother'-type world? 1940s Nazi-esque world? What?

    C= What are they fighting for, and who/what are they fighting against?

    1C= Who is this entity they're fighting against? What does he/she/it want? Or what do they want? Why does he/she/it want it?

    D= Is it necessary that five of the main characters have to die? Maybe cut back on the number of dead main characters? Seven in total, maybe three die in defense of...whatever they're fighting for.

    Well? Go brainstorm some reasons and come back to us with your thoughts.

    But bottom line, they're not doing this because they hate you, OK? It's nothing to do with you personally. From what I'm seeing, they told you what they had a problem with. It's now your job to brainstorm and correct it.

    The only person that can give you that confidence is yourself, I'm afraid. You have to be willing to believe in yourself that you can write something.
     
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2014
  16. AnrBjotk

    AnrBjotk New Member

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    Yes, I agree. The thing to do is to keep writing. Just power through. I KNOW that if I could just keep writing, no matter what, I would make it. I might even be great. But, when you feel that you are going nowhere, it's hard to muster the courage and energy.
    When I thought they "liked me" I was writing all the time. That was great. Felt great and I wrote some good stuff. If the... "accolades" or positive feedback would have kept coming, I'm sure I would have been able to have the energy to write more and more.

    But the energy it takes, not only to re-write and re-imagine 150 + pages, but to rewrite with no encouragement, takes A LOT of energy. Energy not possessed by those with depression and on methadone treatments.
    I know it's too much to ask in this cruel, cruel world, but would it really have taken them that much to just write a few encouraging word? To at least just say, "there is some real promise here, keep at it". Why must everyone be so cruel all the time? Why not love and encouragment?

    Do you get what I'm saying? That it's not only more work and "back to the drawingboard" but that it worse because you also got rejected... That I somehow have less of a chance now than before I sent in the ms?... That it's worse.
    Can you understand failing so many times that you stop seeing the point in trying?
    It's basic psychology, if you never experiene success, or not for a long time, you stop trying. You just curl up and die.
     
  17. HelloThere

    HelloThere Senior Member

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    I've just skim read through all these comments. I noticed a key theme throughout: People tried to help you and make you feel better, and you rejected that help. You keep arguing. Do you know more than these people about the process of writing and publishing? I doubt it. Do you know more about suffering and dealing with the shit things in life? I doubt it, because we all fall on hard times occasionally.

    But maybe you do. If you genuinely believe you know more than these people, then why are you even on here? If you are better than these people then it isn't even worth your time arguing with them, right?

    I'm gonna offer you some help here, it's up to you whether you accept it or not, but don't treat me like some sort of fool for caring. I think you need to change your approach to life before you start thinking about your writing. I think your main change needs to be in your dealing with successes and failures. Failure sucks. I'm not gonna say that you should absorb your failures and disregard them completely like some sort of tank, because failure hurts, of course it does. What you do need to do, is to give your successes an equal chance to be recognized.

    To me it sounds like you suffer from depression, I just came through a depression and I'll tell you that you need to do is define yourself. You need to define Yourself. Currently it seems that your whole reason and meaning in life is to prove that you aren't a failure - this is a stupid meaning. It is what I call an external meaning, an external meaning will come crashing down around you, it will be swept from underneath your feet and leave you shatter on the floor. I propose an internal meaning. You must be your own reason for living. You must look at yourself as a person and decide who you want to be. Imagine you were given a magic wand and could change anything about yourself, what would be the things you would change? Once you've decided on the things you want to change. Change them.

    All that is left to ask is, will you take my help? Or reject it?
     
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  18. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    I'm going to have to be harsh here, OP.

    I'm done. I'm done posting here. I spent a whole morning trying to get you to see that rejection letters was not the end of the world, everyone did, but you kept ignoring us. You kept acting like we had no idea what it's like to have our work rejected.

    I don't know whether you're actually suffering from depression, or you're just using this as an excuse to feel sorry for yourself, but I'm done. I've said my pieces, any further and I'm just repeating myself.

    Rejection hurts. It hurts like holy hell, but in the grand scheme of things, it's not that bad. You don't have terminal cancer, you're not so disabled that you can't even care for yourself without a nurse. Those people wish they could be in your shoes, where a few 'no's from a publishing company was the worst they had to deal with. I wish I could be in your shoes, and I don't even have anything wrong with me! Why? Because at least that would mean I had (a) completed a manuscript and (b) had a company look at it and give me feedback!!

    Publishing is a business, plain and simple. They'll sell what they think looks good, what they think will attract the most readers. It has nothing to do with their personal opinion of you. All that is being done by your brain. In this case, they actually told you what was wrong! Most new writers are lucky to even get that! Usually it's "eh, nope" or nothing at all.

    If you are suffering from depression, I hope you get the help needed. I'm sorry I'm harsh, but I think I said all I could say.

    Good luck, man. :/
     
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2014
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  19. AnrBjotk

    AnrBjotk New Member

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    This is starting to sound like every thread I've ever posted on any forum...
    Does that mean that I'm just an a-hole or that there is something fundamentally (by which I mean pathological) wrong with me?

    NO, I'm not "rejecting" your advice or refusing to listen. I am listening, I'm just arguing back. I mean, come on "cheer up, buttercup" and "it's not so bad" and "so and so got a million rejection letters" and "take it as an opportunity to improve your work".
    But am I _really_ supposed to be happy that my - so far - live's work was turned down? And not only that, but deemed unfit for publication even. Not good enough. (Never good enough)
    Should I be jumping for joy?

    Is THIS getting through to you: At this point, and stage, of my life more rejection is dangerous. I'm already at a tipping point.

    Yes, I can keep working, rewrite and _really_ start the work. But a part of me needs, wants to be angry. Why so harsh? Why so cruel? Why not at least be nice and encourage meg? Why just cruel rejection?
    The entire point here is that I know - from experience (and I know ME! Right?) - that getting rejections like this never helps, and only makes it harder for me to go on. In life as well as writing.
    And besides, for each rejection letter, my stories get darker, angrier, more bitter and more hatefull. I.e. less publishable.
    Catch 22? Vicious circle?
     
  20. HelloThere

    HelloThere Senior Member

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    You either didn't understand what I was saying or just chose to ignore it. Stop acting like you're the only person on the planet who has suffered. I won't reply further to you and I would encourage others not to either.
     
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  21. peachalulu

    peachalulu Member Reviewer Contributor

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    Why don't you self publish and find a niche group on Amazon, where you can develop a fan base. No shame in that. I have a few friends who self publish their short stories and are enjoying the feedback. One makes enough to pay her half of the rent. Successes don't have to be major sometimes small successes are just as sweet.
     
  22. T.Trian

    T.Trian Overly Pompous Bastard Supporter Contributor

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    Dude, I haven't gotten even the courtesy the publishing house gave you: they gave you personal feedback they wrote just for you! All I've ever gotten have been form rejection letters, copy/pasted thanks but no thankses. And my work, to which I've dedicated just around, oh, 7-8 years, has been rejected dozens and dozens of times. I've been told by another writer that they don't really see much chance of the story ever getting anywhere (published, that is).

    So what? I want to write, so I keep writing. It's that simple. I don't give a shit what others think about it while I'm writing. Even when I've finished the draft and send it out to the world, even then I don't give a shit what others think, not really: either they reject it, which is fine, it's their prerogative, or they accept it, which would be great. But in the big picture, their opinion doesn't dictate whether I keep writing or not simply because I like writing. Hence I'll keep doing it as long as I live or, at least, as long as it's fun, whether I'm paid to do it or not.

    It's as simple as that. If you like writing, write, no matter what anyone says. You've already gotten further than I have in getting published. If you don't want to write anymore, quit and do something else.

    Oh yeah, and I've been diagnosed with depression too, as well as an adjustment disorder, and it sucks, but it doesn't physically prevent me from writing, so even if I feel like shit sometimes, like everything sucks etc... why not pour all that frustration, anger, and rage into my writing and write the most brutal fight scene in the history of the universe? Or whatever, you get the idea.

    Like a few others, I've now said my piece. Over and out.
     
    jazzabel and desert rat like this.
  23. Ben414

    Ben414 Contributor Contributor

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    I think it might have been mentioned in the beginning of this thread, but I think it's necessary to repeat. It sounds like you need to seek a psychiatrist. Nobody here is a medical health professional (that I know of), and this sounds like a problem that can't be solved here. This forum can help with writing issues, but it sounds like you are not seeking that.
     
    GoldenGhost and peachalulu like this.
  24. Echoesian

    Echoesian Member

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    I suffer from depression, had some pretty severe trauma early on in life, and rejection is one of the things I'm dreading. Nobody likes to be rejected, but especially not people suffering from mental illnesses. It's harder on us than the average Joe. I get it, believe me, I do.

    But I love to write. It's therapeutic, it calms me. Not thinking about what others will think of it-- that part is nerve wracking-- but the process itself. I love working with sentences and making them the best that I can. When I am stressed out it's the thing I long to do, the first thing I want. There is nothing like it for me. I have been writing my whole life, and now in my 30's I've only just considered putting my work out there. It's scary. But publishers are businesspeople and they aren't worried about our feelings. They want to make money.

    The first critique (from a non-friend) I received said "I don't know why on earth anyone would want to read this." I considered scrapping the story because of it. I doubted myself. But it's the story that is in me and I'm going to finish it, and query it, and I know I'm going to be rejected, at least by someone. I hope I'm not rejected by at least one person. If I am rejected, I will probably write more, because it's my stress relief.

    It's going to suck. I'm going to take it personally, because so much that is personal to me goes into my writing. Still, I can't see myself stopping. It is what I love to do.

    It sounds to me like writing isn't worth the rejection in your situation. I think you are looking for validation in one of the most cutthroat industries around. You are setting yourself up for the rejection you are so afraid of. I also think you have a self-fulfilling prophecy going on here. You are behaving in a way that evokes the rejection you are trying to avoid. I feel sad for you, but there is nothing any of us can do to help. We are internet people on a forum. I encourage you to find professional help. (And, as an aside, if you have been in therapy for 11 years, you may want to consider finding a new therapist. That is a long time to be in therapy and still feel this way about yourself.)

    You say the publishers weren't encouraging you, but lots of people here did. It didn't make you feel happier. That's because what you are seeking is much more than people simply liking your stories. It is a deep seated issue that can only be resolved with professional counseling.
     
    jazzabel likes this.
  25. ChickenFreak

    ChickenFreak Contributor Contributor

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    No one's suggesting that you should be joyous about the rejection letter. Some are pointing out that the response that you got--one written by a human being with some actual critique--is a better response than they've ever received, so they're finding it hard to be really, really sympathetic about you being more successful than them--finding it hard to say that, yes, it's horrible and unjust that your success doesn't surpass theirs even more than it already does.

    But, again, no one's suggesting joy. And I somehow get a vibe that you're having trouble seeing any middle ground between jumping for joy and giving up on writing. A rejection with a detailed critique is a solid step on the way to being published, one that, IMO, is grounds for being contented for a while. You achieved one milestone, and there will now be lots of work to get to the next one. Many people would be content with that, for a good long time.

    But contentment is a gray area, and I'm wondering if you're having trouble existing in that gray area. It seems that you're seeking a big, unambiguous, un-gray reason for happiness. And those reasons don't come along all that often in life, anyone's life. But most people manage to be content without them. I would think that your inability to be content without them is, yes, a reason why some professional therapeutic help would be a good idea, some help to let you be content while you keep on working and working and maybe get where you want to be. And help with tolerating the uncertainty inherent in that "maybe".
     

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