I'm really struggling with my book. Those who have read it read it again but getting people to buy it is difficult. I've struggled most with the blurb. I don't think it does my book justice. In the beginning of my book very dramatic. Opening scene my main character is having a nightmare while at work about the accident she was in, an accident that claimed the life of her bestfriend. She's having problems at home with her boyfriend. Things happen and they split. She's left battered and bruised, too scared to go back to the house so she goes to her apartment. Once she's well enough though she flies home to her family whom she hasn't seen since the death of her friend. The nightmares continue until she's admitted into hospital and gets help. Eventually she returns home and is invited to a party where she meets a police officer. They flirt a lot via text. Meet up a few times just as friends because she's scared. She gets so scared she runs home to her family again but also to take care of some business because she's thinking of a career change. He shows up for her at the airport and she can't fight it anymore. Things move quickly. They can't stay away from each other. In summary it's dramatic, it's flirty, romantic and sexy and at times down right dirty. My blurb doesn't give off those vibes. The cover I'm in love with and won't change. I've set my whole series around the cover. Blurb in question. Grieving the tragic loss of her best friend who died in a car accident, Bailee moves away and hopes to start over after graduating from nursing school. When she learns that the man she's with isn't who he led her to believe, she's alone. Again. In a new place, with no love, and without the comfort of her best friend, she's lost. Bai is looking to take control of her life once and for all and just when she thinks she's doing fine, she meets Ben, who shakes up her world. Hot, charming Police Officer Ben is divorced and looking for a dirty hook-up with someone who happens to not be his sister's friend. When he meets Bailee, he's thrown for a loop, drawn in by her flirtatious and charming smile; he's falling for her a lot faster than he intended to. The only problem is loving a girl who comes with insecurities like hers presents a challenge. Can Ben heal Bailee's scars of the past? Can he get her to see past her insecurities and trust that it's alright to love again? I've written and rewritten so many times.
You’ve basically just described the plot remember that the point of a blurb is not to tell the potential reader what happens but to make them want to find out what happens I’d strongly recommend taking a look at “writing killer blurbs and hooks” by Adam Croft
I think you should stick with just the first paragraph. Makes Ben more of a mystery and grabs my attention. I agree with Moose if you keep as is.
I would add the Snowflake method to the suggested reading. They do a good job summarizing the story at the start of the book.
I'm gonna try and punch it up a bit, but the whole reason I wandered into this section of the forum is because I have questions about my own blurb, so don't take my word for it. Also, I have a feeling there's an age difference between us, so I might just not like something because I'm old. First thing I notice is that there's a lot of long explaining going on. I think shorter, punchy sentences would be best. Grieving the tragic loss of her best friend who died in a car accident, I assume the how will be detailed in the book, so all I need to know is a best friend got lost tragically. Bailee Old man comment (you can disregard): What's with all the hip spelling of names? It's "Bailey", isn't it? Kinda looks a little Asian this way. moves away and hopes to start over after graduating from nursing school. Is it important for me to know this? She's starting over. How she's starting over is in the book. When she learns that the man she's with isn't who she thought he was, Perhaps see if you can change "the man she's with" to something better. Boyfriend, husband, lover. Whatever he is to her. she's alone. Again. in a new place, without no love. , and w Without the comfort of her best friend, she's lost. There are some variations. I wonder if you couldn't just leave the whole second part off entirely. Bailee Don't use nicknames in the blurb. We don't know Bailee, we're not that close yet. Also, for a moment I thought there was another character being introduced. is looking to take tries to take back control of her life Feels to formal. once and for all and just when she thinks she's doing fine, she meets Ben, who shakes up her world. Don't really need that here, I think. Hot, charming Police Officer Ben is divorced and looking for a dirty hook-up with someone who happens to not be his sister's friend. Maybe just get rid of this line entirely. Best case scenario I'll feel like this is just another guy going to cause problems. Worst case, I'm thinking Ben is a horny redneck. From that one sentence, I immediately have a problem with Ben. When he meets Bailee, he's thrown for a loop, Assuming the Hot Charming Police Officer line is out, you don't need this part anymore either. drawn in by her flirtatious and charming smile; he's falling for her a lot faster than he intended to. The only problem is loving a girl who comes with insecurities like hers presents a challenge. Can Ben heal Bailee's scars of the past? Can he get her to see past her insecurities and trust that it's alright to love again? All of the above is suddenly from Ben's point of view, so now I'm wondering if I'm going to read about Bailee or Ben. I think you'd be better off switching to Bailee as the focal point. Because I've created a nice colorful mess, I'll stick the blurb back together with my changes. Except I'm not sure about that last bit yet, so I'll improvise. Grieving the tragic loss of her best friend, Bailee moves away and hopes to start over. When she learns that the man she's with isn't who she thought he was, she's alone in a new place, without love or the comfort of her best friend. Bailee tries to take back control of her life and just when she thinks she's doing fine, she meets Ben, who shakes up her world. Drawn in by her charming smile he falls for her, Bailee's insecurities present a challenge. Can Ben heal her scars of the past and help her love again? Kinda screws up the word count, doesn't it? Take that as a base to work with. After all, I don't know what's in the book itself.
