Being decisive

I've always been like this: whenever I'm stuck on anything, I will seek "help" in the form of talking. In college, I'd call my mom up when I'm having trouble with a paper and just talk-- about the paper, about the research, about the class-- and suddenly I'm unstuck and go back to writing. My mom hardly had to say anything or provide advice or inspiration. Same with talking with other people... i guess its the process of talking through my process with someone or hearing my thoughts out loud that really helps.

I received feedback on one of my short stories out for publication and my first instinct was to run to someone to vent (not because it was bad feedback or because i'm upset with it... but because i'm stuck on how to proceed with making the changes that were suggested).

to me, theres a difference in workshopping something with someone.... you can discuss critiques with those people as the critiques are happening. you cant really discuss these things with an editor or a professor at the same level without being seen as argumentative or combative, i've found.

Is it normal to do this?
should i break this habit?
part of me feels like i should be able to just do this on my own.... but the other part of me is afraid of committing to changes without at least talking through them with another person...

 

We humans are social creatures. I don't think it's a bad habit, sometimes you just need outside feedback on your thoughts.

Whether it is normal or not, I couldn't say, but I do it as well.

 

We all do it. Ultimately that's all psychotherapy is too—the therapist doesn't really tell you what to do, they ask questions and you provide the answers. It's the way the brain works. The real answers are coming from the unconscious, you just need to put the questions into words and ask them, and that's easiest to do if you're talking to another person or writing in a journal or a letter or something. Once you've asked the questions the answers will come, though it might be in a few days or weeks, and you might need to keep reformulating the questions, or tackle it in stages. The other person is sort of a prop or a stand-in, to help you formulate the questions.

 

The way in-person workshops in a university setting work is that you can't say a word while the class is discussing your story. They say it's because it let's the writing speak for itself. You won't have a chance to explain your work to an editor considering your story for publication. It will all come down to what's on the page.

This format of workshopping can be difficult at times, but it also helps you internalize what's being said and really listen. There isn't an opportunity to defend or explain anything. And that's how it works when submitting for publication. I think these kind of workshops helped me a lot. I've never used the workshop section on this forum. After getting my MFA I'm sort of workshopped out. I do think I learned a lot from workshops. And I learned my common mistakes or pitfalls. On occasion I will do start swaps with people, but when I do that my story is edited and polished. I get that sort of need to have someone else's opinion on your work. But, honestly, it's been a really long time since I've even done that.

I do think that as we progress as writers there is less of a need for that. And it's important to know where the advice you are receiving is coming from. Other people don't necessarily know better. And if you're not sure how to apply the suggestions you're getting, maybe they're not the best direction for your writing or things you should be changing. I think I'm a lot more confident about my writing. I will listen to an editor who is buying my story, but I'm usually not up for opinions on my work short of that. However, I'm always up for talking shop when it comes to writing.

 

Yeah exactly, the unconscious ideas need to be worked through probably more than the conscious ones do. And those ideas that just come to you in raw half-finished form are unconscious. It doesn't think it words, so you get images and raw ideas that you need to work with verbally (or in writing) to give them form.

 

Many thoughts can co-exist within ones mind, convergent, divergent, tangential, parallel, contradictory, complementary, maybe even complimentary if you're lucky.
Generally, it's very difficult to articulate more than one word at a time, leading to selection, dismissal and refinement in order to communicate sensibly. That may take a little time to expend the gibberish but brings the speaker round to the most relevant, pertinent, useful or coherent message, helping to conceptualize the issue with greater clarity, allowing some sense of what's important or resolution of presenting issue.
Talking truly can help.

 

Made me think of this, which is at least tangentially similar:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rubber_duck_debugging

Personally I'm always afraid of being influenced in a certain direction by a lone person, in a way that diminishes or obscures the original idea. That's more a concern for the first draft, of course, which I firmly believe no one else should see until it's complete.

We differ in that advice from another party would likely make me even less certain about the changes, rather than affirming anything. Muddles the muse? I don't know.

Anyway, the process that works is the correct process. Your method is fine. I think it would only be a problem if you blindly followed the advice received from these confidants, which you clearly aren't doing.

 

Sage advice.

@J.T. Woody, I do a lot of the same. Often when I'm stuck, I call my mom or someone and sometimes talk it through, sometimes not. A lot of the time, I'll come unstuck just telling someone what I'm working on. That isn't to say I don't crave feedback and interaction at other times. I bounce ideas off people in the early stages, the outlining phase and through several drafts. I especially enjoy brainstorming with my brother, my mom or members of my writers' group. I don't even use the other person's ideas most of the time, lol, but I spring board off those ideas and come up with things I don't think I would have found on my own. "What if you did this?" they say, and I say, "That's a great idea, but here's what I really want to do all of a sudden." When it comes to edits, I'm a little less rogue. I pay closer attention, I think, always keeping in mind, of course, Neil Gaiman's fifth law:

Remember: when people tell you something's wrong or doesn't work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong.

 

This. You need to figure out how to interpret what people say and what it really points to.