1. katina

    katina Banned Contributor

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    being in the wrong

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by katina, Jun 15, 2018.

    how easy do you find it to say you were in the wrong?
    I was thinking it is perhaps not in our DNA to admit to something wrong.
    I maybe wrong correct me if I am. :)
     
  2. Moon

    Moon Jupiters thunderbolt Contributor

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    Generally, it depends on the person.

    Personally, if I don't know something objectively, I won't pretend to know anything on the subject and turn toward a professional to learn. If its subjective, and somehow I offend someone I give a hoot about, I'll apologize quickly. But I have to be told I hurt someone's feelings cause boy can I be tactless. :p

    So to answer the question: Very easy!
     
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  3. Shenanigator

    Shenanigator Has the Vocabulary of a Well-Educated Sailor. Contributor

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    It depends on who it is and what it was about, but offering a sincere, non-fake apology isn't that difficult for me. It's what honorable people do.

    It bothers me when people then use someone's apology as a power play, though. I have no respect for that and a very long memory for those who do. When someone does it to me, I immediately want to take back the apology and throw in a "fuck you" or two. I never have, but I also never forget it.
     
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  4. katina

    katina Banned Contributor

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    you have to be told?
    how often is that?
     
  5. katina

    katina Banned Contributor

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    OK I am not sure I am following what you mean.
    can you give an example?
     
  6. Moon

    Moon Jupiters thunderbolt Contributor

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    Not that often, but yes, I can't read minds (sadly) so if I offend someone, they need to let me know. Its the tactless side of me. :p
     
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  7. katina

    katina Banned Contributor

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    no it is not but one learns when one has said too much or too little.
    I think it is about feelings, thinking about how the other is going to react to what we say it before we say is the idea.
    Have you ever thought about it?
     
  8. Moon

    Moon Jupiters thunderbolt Contributor

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    Nah. I have sympathy, sure. I express it on here quite a bit and even in my life offline with neighbors or friends. Its only in intimate relations that tactlessness appears. No reason to change it, as I'm quite happy on my own.
     
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  9. katina

    katina Banned Contributor

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    what do you mean by tactlessness?
    it is worth thinking afor hand before saying anything to people just in case.
    I learned very quickly not to be hasty about what I say because I have me to think about.
     
  10. John-Wayne

    John-Wayne Madman Extradinor Contributor

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    I am willing to admit it when I am wrong... mostly because keeping up with the lie or being stubborn just makes me look foolish. and I am always willing to be corrected.

    And then there are times I want to be wrong, and glad when I am and disappointed but not surprised when I am right.
     
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  11. Shenanigator

    Shenanigator Has the Vocabulary of a Well-Educated Sailor. Contributor

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    Using someone's apology as a power play? There are a lot of ways people do it, but the thing they have in common is that the person receiving the apology has no intention of receiving it as good will and moving on.

    One way that person might use the other person's apology as a power play would be to use the person's apology against them...Bringing it up later, as an admission of guilt for example, as in, "You did such and such, you even admitted to it..."

    Or another way of using someone's apology as a power play might be to lure the person into apologizing while having no intention of making amends with them, then leaving them hanging by either not accepting the apology, or not saying anything at all, attempting to make the person who's making the heartfelt apology look like a fool.

    Both are dishonorable things to do, and I always remember when I see someone do that, because it shows their true (lack of) character. If they don't want to accept the person's apology, it's better to be honest and say, "I don't accept your apology." That is honest and honorable.

    edited in an omitted word
     
  12. Moon

    Moon Jupiters thunderbolt Contributor

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    Simple: Since I go around being extra patient and friendly with all that I meet (not easy for a former impatient "youth"), when I'm in my own space, I don't have time for walking on eggshells, so to speak. So, instead of treating someone like I normally would outside, I treat them honestly, and honesty rarely goes hand and hand with niceness. Least, that's my experience. I don't intend to be mean however, so again, I need to be told if someone close to me is offended by something so I can apologize.
     
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  13. Shenanigator

    Shenanigator Has the Vocabulary of a Well-Educated Sailor. Contributor

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    I so relate to that. I call it being nice vs. being real. I always strive for real, without being intentionally mean of course. Intent means a lot, and unless the interaction is with a stranger you'll never see again, the truth usually comes out eventually anyway.
     
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  14. John-Wayne

    John-Wayne Madman Extradinor Contributor

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    Absolutely agree.

    Also to expand on what I said. I don't mind being corrected when I recognize I am wrong, if I am right i'll stand my ground. And when I am wrong and admit it, doesn't mean I am a push over later.
     
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  15. BayView

    BayView Huh. Interesting. Contributor

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    Do you mean morally wrong or factually wrong?

    I think it's pretty easy to admit to being factually wrong - it's pretty hard to continue thinking something in the face of evidence to the contrary.

    Morally wrong is more difficult. I think it depends a lot on the person you've wronged... if they've wronged you, as well, then there's a strong temptation to just carry on, because two wrongs make... a balance, if not a right.

    And then maybe there's a sort of behavioural or social or subjective wrongness? Like, if a lot of other people think you're wrong but you think you're misunderstood or not wrong at all? In that case you can't really admit to being wrong because you don't really think you are, so...?
     
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  16. John-Wayne

    John-Wayne Madman Extradinor Contributor

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    Are you encouraging retaliation as being justified if someone wronged you?

    I get the being misunderstood, but something are not subjective at all. Unless they have no conscious, they should be able to have some form of regret if they were wrong. Not admitting fault, when it's proven is being petty. I had a co-worker like this, thankfully she is gone and I celebrate her departure every year.

    Edit: Oh shit, I had to read that twice... wait, Wronging someone depends on who they are... No, NO it doesnt'. They do something evil to you, you are not better by retaliating on their level. It's a job for the authorities (God I can't believe I am saying that) or do things that will help prevent or minimize future exposure to said person.

    Evil begats evil. I am sorry, but that is.. that is some interesting thinking you have there, Bay.
     
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2018
  17. Spencer1990

    Spencer1990 Contributor Contributor

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    You'd think, right? o_O
     
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  18. katina

    katina Banned Contributor

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    that pretty much answers it I think. I think the worst about it is when you know you are misunderstood and others perceive you to be in the wrong. Trying to explain that it was perhaps from both parts or it was an innocent mistake/error and it was not done on purpose is quite tricky.
     
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2018
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  19. Some Guy

    Some Guy Manguage Langler Supporter Contributor

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    Admitting I'm in the wrong is easy, cause it's uaually really fukkin obvious, and frequent. If someone wants to push me in a corner with it, or drag it out to vent their loins at me, a sincere 'fcuk you, get out of my face' is in order.
    Underlying all this is control and trust. They cannot both be present. The former erodes the latter, so act accordingly when someone admits, or accept degradation of the situation...
     
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