1. Vincent Marcassoli

    Vincent Marcassoli New Member

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    My Unique POV for my work-in-progress Novel, "V"

    Discussion in 'Point of View, and Voice' started by Vincent Marcassoli, Dec 9, 2022.

    Let me start out by saying my novel is technically in first person POV, using "I," "My," "Me," pronouns. However, I am making use of SECOND PERSON pronouns "You," "Our," to bring the reader closer to the text.


    The reader is NOT being spoken to. I am speaking to another character in the book... for the whole entire novel. Here's my rough first paragraph as an example:

    "I was on our fairly new couch when your tender fingers marched up my back and massaged my shoulders. I hardly even noticed your subtle touches, too. Even when you squeezed my cramped muscles, I managed to ignore you. It wasn’t until you addressed me that I snapped out of my dazed state.
    My tired spine folded in on itself in front of our recently acquired used TV when you asked, “Vincent, hun. What are you doing?” What’s worrying you? You look anxious.” You could always read my face even if I wasn’t speaking. I’m unsure if that was just a slightly creepy hidden talent you had, or maybe I have a hyper-expressive face. The harsh blue light strained my tired eyes as the reporter spoke. I slowly forgot you were still lingering behind me when the television immersed me once again."

    This has two main uses.

    One is simple and I already mentioned it. It may make the reader feel like they are in the action. Just by using those words, it pulls a reader in.

    In addition, my plot and character progression will be shown through the relationship of the narrator, Vincent, and his partner Johny, who is being spoken to.

    Let me know your thoughts!
     
  2. Xoic

    Xoic Prognosticator of Arcana Ridiculosum Contributor Blogerator

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    It's definitely an interesting approach. Are you doing as epistolary, in the form of a journal or diary or something? Or just the continual inner monologue of the POV character?

    Its hard to tell you much about it from such a brief chunk of writing. You'll be able to show more of it after you've done 2 critiques on other people's work, then you can post a big piece of yours in the Workshop for critique.

    One thing you might want to address from the above excerpt:

    It isn't clear at first what this expression means. It sounds like something catastrophic, as if the narrator needs to be immediately taken to the emergency room. I can't quite tell if 'folded' is being used as a verb, an action that happened at that moment, or if it's supposed to be a noun, like 'My tired spine was folded in on itself..." Either way though, it sounds terribly painful! Just putting the two words spine and folded together like that creates images of medical disasters. My spine is capable of curving quite a ways, but not of folding, unless the ligaments get completely torn out of their housings.
     

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