My favorite author is Brandon Sanderson, so a lot of my writing style is inspired by him. The agent I'm talking to says that my book needs to be made more visceral, with more showing and less telling. I went back and reread a few pages from the book that most inspired my own, Steelheart, and now I'm legitimately curious as to what you guys think of his style. Here are the first few paragraphs of his book. Is this too much telling, or do you think it's showy enough? "I skidded down a stairwell and crunched against steel gravel at the bottom. Sucking in air, I dashed through one of the understreets of Newcago. Ten years had passed since my father's death. That fateful day had become known by most people as the Annexation. I wore a loose leather jacket and jeans, and had my rifle slung over my shoulder. The street was dark, even though it was one of the shallow understreets with grates and holes looking up into the sky. It's always dark in Newcago. Nightwielder was one of the first Epics to swear allegiance to Steelheart, and is a member of his inner circle. Because of Nightwielder there are no sunrises, and no moon to speak of, just pure darkness in the sky. All the time, every day. The only thing you can see up there is Calamity, which looks kind of like a bright red star or comet. Calamity began to shine one year before before men started turning into Epics. Nobody knows why or how it still shines through the darkness. Of course, nobody knows why the Epics started appearing, or what their connection is to Calamity, either. I kept running, cursing myself for not leaving earlier. The lights along the ceiling of the understreet flickered, their coverings tinted blue. The understreet was littered with its typical losers: addicts at corners, dealers--or worse--in alleyways. There were some furtive groups of workers going to or from their jobs, thick coats and collars flipped up to hide their faces. They walked hunched over, eyes on the ground."
I'm not sure if we're allowed to do this - post tracts from published works, and critique it. Best ask a moderator.
Technically its not a violation of copyright because the author is acknowledged and quoting a short section probably comes under a fair use defence... however we don't allow the posting of work by third parties for critique unless the work is out of copyright because of the potential for legal hassle. So short version, no, sorry, not happening. You can discuss Sanderson's work without the quotation if you wish - the place to do that is in the book discussion forum (where ive moved this thread before closing it)
