1. MountainMaverick

    MountainMaverick New Member

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    Butterflies in her stomach

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by MountainMaverick, Feb 11, 2017.

    Is this line cliche? I guess I know it's cliche, but people use it in every day speech a lot. Is it okay to use in a story?
     
  2. SadStories

    SadStories Active Member

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    In my view, it's not a cliché.

    It's simply the common chain of words, "a fixed expression", for a certain phenomenon there is no easier way to refer to that I can think of.

    What might be the case is that you're missing a chance to show rather than tell. Instead of simply saying a character has butterflies in their stomach you could use a lot more words to really paint out all the corners and edges and nuances of this feeling. For example if your main character is falling in love it might be appropriate to spend an entire paragraph, making it so vivid the readers starts to feel it themselves. In many cases "butterflies in her stomach" is more than enough though.
     
  3. Homer Potvin

    Homer Potvin A tombstone hand and a graveyard mind Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Meh... it's pretty lame no matter how you parse it.
     
  4. OJB

    OJB A Mean Old Man Contributor

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    Yes.

    That is the definition of a cliche.
     
  5. SadStories

    SadStories Active Member

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    A fixed expression is the same as an idiom. A lot of idioms are clichés, yes, but not per definition.

    If you write, "It was raining cats and dogs," and it's not meant to be humorous or tell us something about whoever is narrating the story, it would definitely be a cliché. "Butterflies in the stomach", on the other hand, is the most common way to refer to the phenomenon that I know of. It's what I would casually say in real life. Saying it's a cliché, I think, would be the same as demanding people never use the word "wrench" and instead always describe the object as if they've never seen it before.

    Notice that Wikipedia uses it as the standard too https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Butterflies_in_the_stomach
     
  6. OJB

    OJB A Mean Old Man Contributor

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    Stomach churns, Stomach was bubbling, I could feel the inside of my stomach being tickled, all describes the same sensation as butterflies in the stomach, and all took less than 20 seconds for me to think of. My point is, if you take a few minutes to think, you might come up with a new original expression that 'you' can use throughout your work because 'you' came up with it rather than using 'butterflies in the stomach' which is a cliche statement.

    Note: Just because it is cliche doesn't mean you can't use it.... just don't lie to yourself and say 'it's not cliche.'
     
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  7. SadStories

    SadStories Active Member

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    "With his gravity-defying side-sweep contrasting his always dirty nails, he was the strangest boy she had ever met. Her stomach churned."

    Let's just agree to disagree, lol.
     
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  8. Tenderiser

    Tenderiser Not a man or BayView

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    Yes, it's a cliché. Whether it's okay to use or not depends what you're going for.
     
  9. OJB

    OJB A Mean Old Man Contributor

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    I can agree to that.
     
  10. mrieder79

    mrieder79 Probably not a ground squirrel Contributor

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    Its a cliche, but that's not always bad. Often characters speak in cliches. One of your characters, or possibly the narrator (if the narrator is a character) might state that she has butterflies in her stomach. That's fine. It's part of who she is.

    If you as the author are trying to convey the fact that a character is nervous, then I would shy away from stating, "she had butterflies in her stomach."

    Here are examples to illustrate the difference.


    Used in dialog:

    Marvin glanced out the window. "I don't know, Chuck. Those guys look pretty tough. I'm gettin' butterflies in my stomach just lookin' at 'em. Why don't we just sneak out the back?"

    Used in exposition:

    Marvin looked out the window. Three toughs loitered by his car. One had a bat. It was enough to give him butterflies in his stomach.


    I think the first works a little better than the second. I might use the first, but likely not the second unless the voice of my story called for the phrase.


    The most important thing to remember is that every phrase and word has its use and will convey a certain set of ideas. If the phrase accomplishes your goal, then use it.
     
  11. SadStories

    SadStories Active Member

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    I think there is a clarification that can bridge a lot of the misunderstandings here.

    Phraseologically it is correct that "butterflies in the stomach" is an expression imposed by conventionalized linguistic usage, what they in this field call a "cliché".

    It is not necessarily cliché, in the common meaning of the word, to use "butterflies in the stomach" in literature though.

    It does not necessarily, as cliché writing would, call attention to its own overuse.

    Even Wikipedia, as seen above, agrees "butterflies in the stomach" is the most effective way to refer to the phenomenon. Like the word "wrench" for wrenches.

    Non-cliché use: "With his gravity-defying side-sweep contrasting his always dirty nails, he was the strangest boy she had ever met. She felt butterflies in her stomach."

    Cliché use: A hypothetical poem I'm not going to try to write where the punchline would be comparing the feeling to having butterflies in your stomach.

    (Although strictly speaking that would be so elaborately bad, I think it would have a certain weird beauty to it, and not necessarily be cliché writing after all.)

    #butterflygate2017
     
  12. izzybot

    izzybot (unspecified) Contributor

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    It's definitely a cliche. That doesn't at all mean it's not okay to use - it's particularly suitable for dialogue, internal monologue, and writing in first person, because people do absolutely use cliches in conversation and thought all the time. I'd shy away from using it in third person narration.
     
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  13. LostThePlot

    LostThePlot Naysmith Contributor

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    It's a genuinely difficult thing to deal with honestly and one that I come into contact with way too often writing teen romance books. There's only so many ways to describe that specific nervous flutter, especially in younger characters who are encountering new things for the first time with nerves and excitement instead of adult cynicism. I try to avoid using that specific phrase as much as I can and there are nicely concise other options there that are more directly descriptive of why the character is feeling it; characters might fidget to show they are nervous, feel a crackle down their back when they are excited, etc etc. Even just the more minimal version 'he gives me butterflies' is better than the whole phrase IMHO. It's fine to use it sparingly though, or very similar phraseology; it's in the cultural lexicon and at least serves the purpose of expressing what you are trying to get across.

    But seriously; it's frikkin hard to find ways for characters to physically emote being nervous, excited or anxious (essentially every page in my books). For some books you can come up with enough synonymous phrases for it not to matter but in others you just have to live with the fact that you'll reuse those phrases and just suck it up. In that case the best you can do is use as few words as possible and not draw overt attention to re-use.
     
  14. Homer Potvin

    Homer Potvin A tombstone hand and a graveyard mind Staff Supporter Contributor

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    I'm rooting for the toughs already...
     
  15. Iain Sparrow

    Iain Sparrow Banned Contributor

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    If you use it within a character's dialogue, it's perfectly acceptable. If you, as the narrator, describe a character's anxiety, she had butterflies in her stomach, then it's groan worthy and a bad cliche.

    This is how I overcame the temptation to use a bad cliche, it's in bold letters near the end of the excerpt...



    After a few more steps, they had reached the dressing room. Rosemarie opened the door and was met with a rush of air. The sweet smell of powder, smoke and sweat mingled unpleasantly, swinging lanterns glowed bright, laughter and loud voices, nervous arguments; such was life behind the curtain at the Phoenix Opera House on the eve of another spectacle, with the same old, panic-struck divas and the broken, sad outcasts, who sought to make a few deniers as extras. A row of tables where actresses painted their faces, dancers cajoling sore muscles back to life, others struggled to fit into costumes. A quartet of violins rehearsed in a far corner. Everything was falling in place. Rosemarie took a deep breath and headed straight for the backstage.

    “Oh, look! It’s her highness herself!”, mocked a young man dressed as a Persian juggler. "Came down from your ivory tower to mingle with us undesirables, your majesty?”

    He was sitting on a stool balanced awkwardly against a wall, holding a flask and with a wide, crooked grin on his face. Rosemarie replied with an annoyed grimace as she dashed past him. Gael was less forgiving and kicked the stool from under the man, leaving him in a heap. Perhaps it was that she hadn’t yet seen her uncle’s reassuring face, or simply a bout of opening-night jitters, that Rosemarie paused a moment, letting a distracted Gael pass by her, and tried to spot her uncle through the pandemonium. Where was he?

    She resumed her pace again and passed through the backstage entrance, when something caught her ear. A murmuring from beyond the stage curtains enticed her to take a peak. She moved the heavy velvet curtain slightly, and for the first time since arriving at her uncle's doorstep two Winters ago, she saw the whole extent of the spacious concert hall come to life. From orchestra pit to upper balcony it appeared there was not an empty seat in the house. And not just with the usual rabble, but finer folks in proper attire, chatting leisurely and in good spirits. Rosemarie felt a squirrel jump in her stomach.

    A hand gripped her by the shoulder and pulled her back. It was Gael, who seemed to have lost all patience. The two were off again at a trot.
     
  16. Iain Sparrow

    Iain Sparrow Banned Contributor

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    Yes, butterflies in your stomach is often associated with romance, particularly of the, 'love at first sight' variety (to use an even worse cliche). But no matter, such cliches should not be used in expository passages.

    Instead, why not be creative and say it in some other way: ... her stomach did a funny little tumble.
     
  17. John Calligan

    John Calligan Contributor Contributor

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    I don't think it's a cliche. I think its an emotion, like anxiety, or love, or hate, or butterflies in the stomach. We don't get that feeling all the time, so we don't have a single word to describe it, but it's not exactly love, or lust, or nerves, or anxiety, or fear. It's its own thing.

    We say, "butterflies in the stomach" because all emotions have a physical sensation. What if no one ever got depressed, besides for brief periods of time in the face of rare stimuli. Would we still say, "depressed," or would we say, "fog in the head"? I think we'd say, "fog in the head."

    In that way, "butterflies in the stomach" is the vivid description of the unnamed emotion in the way "fog in the head" is for depression, or "warming muscles" is for rage (at least for me on all these) or shame is "sinking inside."

    Unfortunately, if you say "butterflies in the stomach," everyone knows what feeling and emotion and physical sensation you are talking about. I have rarely ever, if ever, heard a euphemism for it that captured it without just shuffling the words or using other words associated with guts and butterflies.

    That's my two cents.
     
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2018
  18. GingerCoffee

    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

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    The butterflies I've ever had (and I've had more than a few) were more in my chest. They are a real thing. The cliché is only how we describe them.

    If you are having trouble finding an alternative synonym, try this useful list: Power Thesaurus: Butterflies in stomach.

    On the other hand, not any one on that list seems a better substitute unless you want something rather out there like, "collywobbles". :p
     
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  19. LostThePlot

    LostThePlot Naysmith Contributor

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    Where I'm from collywobbles is more synonymous with 'diarrea attack' so perhaps not always the best choice in all circumstances :p
     
  20. DeeDee

    DeeDee Contributor Contributor

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    There's nothing wrong with using a "cliche" here or there. But you can think of them as the "unhealthy food" in your writer's diet. You can have them occasionally, just don't have them every time. If you start using cliches every time, your book will just become boring to read.
     

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