The main character in my current story never explicitly identifies as anything (straight, gay, bi, etc.) but he has several romantic relationships with women and several with men. This didn't seem like a big deal to me until some male friends and family members told me that guys can't be bisexual. They were very adamant that men who claimed to be bisexual were just in-the-closet about being gay or confused. Everything I look up online is very 50/50 about it. Some claim only women can be bisexual, some claim no one can be bisexual, and some say anyone can identify as anything without being a liar or confused. I am not a guy and I don't know any men who identify as bisexual so I really don't know what to believe on this. The fact that the character is with several people of different genders throughout the story and is not attracted to one sex more than the other is a central part of his character. It shapes a few scenes and interactions that would otherwise have to be cut. At the same time, I don't want the vast majority of readers to think "that's so unrealistic, guys would never act that way." So I'm kind of in a pickle and would appreciate some opinions on this.
Of course guys can be bisexual. No offense but whoever has told you otherwise don't know what they're talkig about. One's sexuality is completely independent of one's gender identity.
So what makes those guys experts? Lots of people have all sorts of false beliefs about homosexuality.
Well I guess I need to throw the 92K WIP I'm finishing up out because one of the MCs is a super, hella bisexual man. Your guy friends are idiots, or at the very least horrifically uninformed. Bisexual erasure is a very real thing, and it needs to stop being propagated, full stop. This also, btw is why representation in media is so important - if we don't see characters who clearly identify themselves as bisexual instead of the wussy "Oh, I don't like labels" BS, then it's easier for these myths about the magical rare bisexual unicorn to keep going. Also, please watch this for future edification:
"I like pie." "No. Men can't like pie." "... Wha-... wait, why?" "Because you're either a pie lover, or a cake lover. There's nothing in between-" "Okay, have you had contact with anyone outside your little clique in the past few years? Because that's the dumbest fucking thing I've heard in my entire life." "Chem-trails." "WHAT THE FUC-" ------------------- Simply apply the above thought process your question, and I think you will be okay. Everyone likes to pretend they know what's inside other people's heads, but they don't. "Daddy, what are those two men doing holding hands?" "Well son, those two men are doing something I like to call MINDING THEIR OWN GODDAMN BUSINESS!!! We should all learn from their brave example."
Of course men can be bisexual. The idea that they can't sounds like it's grounded in some idea of absolute heterosexuality and terror of any variation.
Well it is fairly similar in some ways. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heteroflexibility It changes the traditional standard of just having a blanket term like bisexual. Some lean more favorably one way than the other.
Speaking as a bisexual man -- yes, I can confirm that we exist. We're a bit of a secret society, but we're out there.
Especially since the same doesn't apply to women apparently. But then again, that might interfere with their fantasies about us supposedly straight gals having an innocent pillow fight turn into kissing unexpectedly.
By the way @FeigningSarcasm, while I am so consumed with rage right now I'm practically vibrating out of my chair, I'd just like to clarify that none of it is directed at you. I give you props for doubting something that seemed really off, and asking the question of folks outside your normal social circle to get a larger sample of beliefs/experiences. However, I hope those dudes who spouted this crap step on a pile of legos in their bare feet. Repeatedly.
Well I read the wiki article and I still don't think we can use the terms interchangeably. Heteroflexibility is more specific, denoting people who mostly lean towards heterosexual relations whereas bisexuality is broader. I guess it all comes down to which one an individual feels describes them more accurately.
If you google 'misconceptions about homosexuality' you'll see there is all sorts of nonsense out there , mainly written by bigots and idiots - my 'favourite' is probably the theory that a man who gives rather than receives in a homosexual coupling isn't actually gay .... because um well you see he's just sticking his junk in a hole and.. well you' know thats what straight guys do .... or something
Are...are you suggesting that there exist pillow fights wherein the participating girls don't strip to their underwear and start making out midway through? Surely not, surely you jest. Does this mean all those Hollywood movies lied to me? but...but Hollywood never lies... Oh no.... You're serious, aren't you? *voices cracks* This...this is the truth then? *Darth Vader voice* Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
This is something men like to say. However, most of those men will say it is 'easy' for women to be bisexual. It is all fantasy. It feeds thier fantasy of how they feel they are supposed to see the world, but most likely, a portion of those men are into men themselves.
I'm not really a fan of "heteroflexible" because it's not really a word I hear people in the LGBT community use. I think it's a way to for people who are invested in not being categorized as one of "those" people to still be able to express same-gender attraction in a more socially acceptable way. Many, many bisexuals have a gender preference and still categorize themselves as 100% bi. I think people can call themselves whatever label gets them through the day, really. But it's not a term I personally would use in my daily life or in my writing.
It gets worse! That cute female barista who smiles at you, her male customer, and tells you to have a great day? SHE'S NOT FLIRTING WITH YOU SHE'S JUST DOING HER JOB
Does that still apply when she tucks a napkin with her phone number written on it in lipstick into your top pocket ... no wait that doesn't actually happen either does it Mind you it also applies to male employees who are pleasant to female customers
