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  1. Jonathan Mukuasa

    Jonathan Mukuasa New Member

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    Can you make a description of my character?

    Discussion in 'Character Development' started by Jonathan Mukuasa, Aug 16, 2013.

    My character is a antagonist who comes from his home planet. He is a mischievous king who often kill his people and punishing and executing his slaves. He was the most powerful, most dangerous, most mightiest man in the galaxy. There is dictatorship in his planet and he has a great empire.

    His name is Umbrados. He's an alien.

    Here's some pictures to look at him.


    BMMPjkJCIAAxQQT.jpg BMMPzMOCUAAIT_k.jpg BMa4fzBCcAAKGtV.jpg
     

    Attached Files:

  2. GingerCoffee

    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

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    I'm unclear what you are asking. You have described the guy fairly well. I think you may be underestimating your skill.

    Try showing not telling by using things to show the character rather than tell us about him.

    The floor creaked from the weight as his muscular hulk crossed the room. I wondered if he ever had to comb that helmut-like hair on his head.

    One way I do it is to write out the description, then go back and look for all the places I might be able to write a better 'show, don't tell'. I edit a lot, but the result is satisfying.
     
  3. Gallowglass

    Gallowglass Contributing Member Contributor

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    If you can't, we definitely can't. Give it a go first.
     
  4. Cogito

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Undoubtedly I could. But it would be my description, and the character would diverge from your vision of him.

    No one can do this for you. Give it your best shot. The more you practice, the more proficient, and confident, you will become. You will develop your own voice, too.
     
  5. CyberFD

    CyberFD Member

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    Umbrados is flawless.
    He has two Fendi purses, and a silver Lexus.
    I hear his hair is insured for $10,000.
    I hear he does car commercials... in Japan.
    His favorite movie is Varsity Blues.
    One time he met John Stamos on a plane, and he told him he was pretty.
    One time, he punched me in the face... it was awesome.

    That would be my description.
     
    EllBeEss likes this.
  6. psychotick

    psychotick Contributing Member Contributor

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    Hi,

    Some say your character met Hitler once and Hitler was immediately smitten! Thereafter he spent the rest of his life trying to measure up to Um!

    Cheers, Greg.
     
    cazann34 likes this.
  7. shadowwalker

    shadowwalker Contributing Member Contributor

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    Which character do you want written for you first - this guy or the Kenachi fellow from your other post?
     
  8. Gallowglass

    Gallowglass Contributing Member Contributor

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    Just a heads-up: he looks an awful lot like this guy, if this guy could bench-press all those diamond ponies he keeps buying. That's Handsome Jack from Borderlands, a guy also in the planet-running business, just like your character. It may be worth making some aesthetic adjustments, to ensure that Borderlands fans like me don't point this out if you ever intend to go public.

    The only feature on either that stands out enough to warrant a distinct mention are their cheekbones; people insinuate a lot about a person's character when wide cheekbones are mentioned, and in this case it's broadly accurate.
     
  9. GingerCoffee

    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

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    Jonathan does not appear to have returned.
     

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