Yup, start each day with a pun and get it over with. I've got a plot for a story i want to write, but i think its one of the deepest (or at least most complicated) that I've ever concocted, so if someone would care to look through and give feedback, i'd be very grateful. It's the story of Bobby Johnson (I know, its a god-awful name, but i'll come up with something better later), a voice-over actor in his mid forties. He's spent most of his adult life providing voices for popular childrens cartoons, and has done it well. He has a comfortable home, a nice car, a wife and three children. His wife, Pam, is a woman of the "twin set and pearls" variety, the loving wife who just wants whats best for her husband and children, but is still conscious of what the neighbours think. The story starts when Bobby is put on sabbatical after the director of "Rad's Mad World" (one of the most popular cartoon shows currently airing in america) tells Bobby he's worried for his health. It becomes apparant that Bobby is behaving more and more like his character, Mongrel. Bobby, trying to keep face after realising his Boss' comment on the state of his mental health is true, storms from the studio and wanders around the city, when he encounters a young girl, in her early twenties, dressed entirely in black and white except for a large picture of Mongrel on her T-shirt. Her name, it turns out, is Maggie. They become close friends and she helps Bobby realise that perhaps things arent as bad as he thinks. Maggie has a philosophy on life. There are always two parts of you, the mature and the immature. Once you've hit the balance right between all the mature parts of life and the immature parts of life, then you'll be happy. However, as he becomes more familiar with Maggie and her off-the-wall behaviour, his wife Pam draws the wrong conclusions. Although his self assurance has returned, Bobby finds there's a side to Pam he's never seen before. It all begins to unravel when Pam accuses him of having an affair, and threatens to leave him, unfortunately coinciding with Maggie having relationship troubles of her own and needing a shoulder to cry on. He has to decide between a sudden friendship and a childhood sweetheart. In the end, he goes away from the city with Pam and the kids, to relax and reunite them as a family. After a month or so, everything returns to normal and Bobby gets his job back. I've not yet decided what should happen to Maggie, but I think she has to move away, and finds a job somewhere else. I think she tells Bobby this in a letter, and he never sees her again. Poorly explained, I know. But if you could understand it, what do you think?
Sorry, but it didn't seem at all complicated to me. It might turn out good if you write it really nicely, but, trouble is, the plot you've got here is cliché (seems like it to me, at least).
I don't think it's a bad idea, to be honest. I can't see any glaring holes in it, but some may become apparent in the writing. However, beware of cliches with this genre- you don't want to overemphasise the emotion, in a story which seems very emotion-dependent.
Yeah, i'm aware of the impending cheese-factor. But I should be steering it away from that a little. If I ever get around to writing it. But its good to see it through other peoples eyes, so thanks a lot!
in the scholarly world, folks go on 'sabbatical'... the film industry term is 'on hiatus'... that just jumped out at me, having a film work background, so had to chime in... yes, it's cliche, despite his fairly unusual line of work and delusions... but, as has been said, a good writer can make a wordsmith's version of a regal robe out of smelly old socks...
