Hahaha we're not that bad, are we? Anyway, to the OP... it seems you assume women must surely joke about sex for a purpose, to achieve something. That seems a little odd to me. Sex is just another topic, like talking about your favourite movie, or what you did with your friend the other night, or that funny incident that happened at the restaurant. Why are you placing extra emphasis on sex, especially in a society where all genders and sexual orientation is supposedly equal? Sex is intimate and interesting, and just as you might share funny or romantic stories about anything at all from your life, sex is the same. As for how women talk about sex - why is your character talking about breasts? See, if you're talking about sex, I would naturally assume you mean sex with someone else, which means you're actually far more likely to be talking about the other person and not yourself. Unless of course your character is a lesbian, in which case it would make sense she's talking about breasts. Anyway unfortunately it's hard for me to imagine talking about sex much at all, cus most of my friends are Christians and far too conservative/squeamish to talk about sex, especially since most of them are unmarried, which means it's basically a forbidden topic. I've joked about sex before when the topic came up, and I'm always met with awkward laughter and awkward smiles lol. Personally I'm quite open to talk about sex but can't say I've had many opportunities to do so...
I agree that watching Sex and the City is a good idea. I know for men, it's probably horrible. But for what you're looking for, it shows four very different types of women, and it will help you immensely to get inside their heads. I also don't really understand the way you want them to be joking... I typically don't talk about sex in a joking manner. When I was younger and single, if I saw an attractive male, I'd maybe make some kind of joke regarding his package and if it would do the job in the sack. But for the most part, I don't joke about it. If I do talk about it, it's because it was really good. Really bad. Really weird. Or nonexistent. It's either for advice (he does this wrong or weird, how should I tell him -or- he doesn't seem interested in me anymore, what should I do) or it's to brag (it was the best ever, you wouldn't believe the size of it, etc lol). In my limited experience with females (I've had mostly guy friends), they generally didn't joke about it. But I guess most of my friends are pretty modest. And don't like to talk about something so personal.
The thing is that most my male mates don't discuss it particularly, unless it's an amusing anecdote. If I had a mate who sat around discussing it like Sex and the City, he would probably be boring us all to tears. I mean it would just get very tedious very quickly. We would all be sat having a laugh and a pint and this one dull prat would be their droning on relentlessly about his various sexual encounters. He probably wouldn't be invited to the pub again. Obviously this is a male perspective and doesn't help at all.
I belong to another private forum which has more women than men, and we practically do nothing else except make sexual jokes and comments. It has a lot to do with the people involved, their shared experiences, the social environment etc. If your story has a world where casual sex is seen as commonplace and people can discuss and joke about it in public without offending or being censured, then the jokes could be about anything. **Warning, explicit sexual joke in very bad taste coming. Do not read if you might be offended!!** One of the women posted a picture of a man with his (erect) sexual parts resting upon a woman's forehead, and she cries, "Look! I'm a unicorn!" Silly I know, but at the time we found it hilarious and none of the women were offended. So the joke could be about almost anything sexual. If they are military people who are in a combat environment, then the jokes are likely to be on the crude end of the spectrum, not because soldiers are crude, but because humour itself tends to become more basic when death and injury are an everyday event.
Pardon my language, but this is some pro-level, hard hitting, bomb-ass shit right here. Made me really think.
Whenever I come onto the forums I always find awkward threads like this that question whether or not this is a writing forum or 4chan On-Topic: I'm a pickle, so I wouldn't know how girls joke about sex.
Hmm.. I think males and females are different in that matter, that as you mentioned already, you like hips and breasts. I´ve heard many dudes say that pair of boobies is all they need to get horny. Well, female brain mostly works differently because (at least for straight women) just a penis isn´t much a thing. Imagine, what else men have that is sexual, I mean no boobies, no hips, not much to joke about? But penis without a context is not a very sexy thing. And penis is a sexy part of body only when erected. A friend of mine mentioned that unerected penis looks like a sad sea creature sry, but that was humorous for me, hah. So that is why women need context more to get themselves going, sexy for women is more in body language, or verbal language if you please. Situations therefore I think are things that women discuss among themselves.
But vaginas really aren't all that attractive, either, outside of the immediacy of sexual activity. We're talking about secondary sexual characteristics for both sexes, I'd say, and I think there's a fair number of parallels - straight men like to look at women's chests, asses, and then often a few areas of personal interest to the individual man (hair, legs, or whatever); straight women like to look at men's chests, asses, and then their own set of areas (hands, arms, or whatever).
That´s what I said, genitals in general are not something one could call beautiful but women tend to have more sexy parts. That´s just a general discussion and as there was asked, HOW women joke/discuss sex, this is why I explained why they talk about situations more than body parts. Sex has very little to do with bodies directly to be honest.
Well, it's NOT actually what you said - you were referring to penises, not "genitals in general". And then you used that as an explanation for why "female brain mostly works differently". But then if you're agreeing with MY point, which was that neither vaginas nor penises are especially attractive outside of immediate sexual activity, then what is the connection to female brains working differently? Now you're saying "women tend to have more sexy parts". Which is, of course, mostly in contrast to your final point about "sex has very little to do with bodies". I assume you're working on some sort of sex-is-in-the-mind argument, there, in which case I can't see a connection between that argument and your claim that women have more sexy parts. I think you either need to think about your opinion some more, or think about your way of expressing your opinion. Something, somewhere has gone wrong, because what you're saying doesn't make sense.
Well, I'm not a breast gal. Nice buns, on the other hand, and a modestly muscled chest is a turn on. I'm not a fan of the Schwarzenegger body type despite the way it is idealized in the media depictions of cartoon heroes.
okay, okay.. I might have lost my thought. But if we erase this women have more sexy parts claim, then I agree, I meant to say something like sex-is-in-the-mind.
I tend to agree with @Steerpike here, if the above is the impression you have, perhaps you have a selective memory of discussions or forum members you have issues with. And then @BayView picked a gender fight. "That's not actually what you said" would have sufficed. Then we could have addressed @Sipsik's two faux pas: Don't know if you are male or female, but as a female I think sex has a lot to do with bodies, and I find a nice male body has some very sexy parts. Can one enjoy sex with someone whose body isn't perfect, absolutely. It aint the meat its the motion That makes your daddy wanna rock It aint the meat its the motion Its the movement it isnt the stock Well, I got a girl who's so darn thin There aint much of her but bones and skin One thing about her I can understand She wraps all around me like a rubber band, baby It aint the meat its the motion That makes your daddy wanna rock It aint the meat its the motion Its the movement it isnt the stock Well, I want a girl whos built real fat Kenny dont like to see em like that But I like to see em big and tall The bigger they come the harder they fall Henry Glover, Lois Mann Edited to add: ...which I see @Sipsik corrected while I was posting this, gender war averted.
You critique my post as having too much extra content at the same time as you quote four verses of a song that have absolutely nothing to do with the topic of the thread? I'm boggled! But, back to the thread - I don't know if we can have a conversation about "casual female sexuality" without addressing the issue of whether female sexuality is different from male sexuality, can we? If discussing the topic of the thread means I "picked a gender fight"? Okay, whatever. But be prepared, 'cause I fight like a girl! (Which means smart and dirty, in my world)
Not sure how much this will contribute/help you out: I can be a very crude person if I'm in the mood for it, and I have 2 different types of friends. 1.) One of my female friends is even cruder and 'nastier' than I am and our conversation almost always turns into sex jokes. We talk about it to amuse each other, and because it's fun to talk about something that most people are too shy to talk about. (Example: We recently had an amusing discussion about the size of her boyfriends penis (which is around 8"). He's part Philippiano and their average penis size is around 4/5" according to some internet article and her boyfriend caught wind of the convo and joined in to say, "D***, I'd be a sex god in the Philippians". 2.) My other friend is a female and I would almost say she's afraid of her own sexuality. She's never touched herself, and the idea of touching someone else or having someone touch her makes her wrinkle her nose (unless of course a guy goes up to her and strokes her arm, THEN she's game *rolls eyes*). I usually make bawdy jokes around her to desensitize her to the idea of physical intimacy. In the world you're talking about, I imagine women would joke around like me and friend #1 does. No shyness, and essentially like how men talk to each other today.
The lyrics were a reply to @Sipsik, not a reply to the thread. It came to mind since sexy bodies are not always a requirement for having good sex. I was hoping to point out that you went overboard arguing what's less sexy, a penis or a vagina. Just after I wanted to show the naysayers we don't turn every gender discussion into a fight, you went and started a fight. Why does it need to be a battle? Obviously female and male sexuality differ. Denying that is overkill feminism. How we differ is another story. There are plenty of stereotypes that don't hold true. Not all women are looking for one guy, and not all men are cheaters. But as much as sexuality between genders overlaps, one cannot deny that hormones and body parts are not equal and no amount of politically correct equal rights insistence can change that. Woman obviously enjoy sex. And in certain circles we are going to talk to each other about that. But I've had friends I would never bring sex up with and others that I would. My guess is that's also true but perhaps less so among men. Look at romance novels, you write in that genre. Do many women read across gender markets in romance novels? I doubt it. I think it's a safe bet more gay men buy your books than straight women. I'm not suggesting there is something wrong with that, but the fact the market for the standard romance novel is primarily women speaks very loudly for, we are different when it comes to sexuality.
I don't think you can generalise. I think it is far more individual. It will depend upon many things about your character, for instance her age, her upbringing, her social status, her intelligence, the amount of experience she has had, who her peers are, religious believes, moral stance and also to whom she is talking. If you are going to generalise remember women are from venus, men are from mars ... men joke about sex in an open graphic way whereas many women are more about feeling loved. Broadly speaking female conversations are more about how a man makes them feel emotionally rather than how good a fuck he is.
And yet you know this so she must have said something. Poor girl. I agree. There's a huge role socio-cultural impact plays on how we talk about sex amongst ourselves.
It doesn't need to be a battle. But can't it be a discussion? Huh? No, the romance market is mostly female. m/f romance, m/m romance, doesn't matter. Most readers, and most authors, are female. I'm not sure what this would establish about the thread topic one way or another, but... mostly women reading and writing romance. Yup. So, possibly there was a typo in your post, somewhere? Because apparently you already know that the romance market is mostly female, so... I'm lost. What are you saying, again?
I think this is true, if one considers two bell curves that overlap but don't match up exactly. I have talked to friends about good sex, but not nearly as often as I've talked about the other qualities of a partner.
I don't know, my female mates will talks about sex just as graphically as my male mates (and it seems to be the topic of conversation more regularly). My male mates only tend to bring it up when they have a funny anecdote to share.
Well, she hasn't explicitly said those words, but I've basically forced her to talk about some of it. Not to get graphic, but I asked her recently what she thinks a woman's body does when it gets aroused. Her response, "It's that discharge thing, right?" Then I asked her if she's ever gotten turned on, to which her response was, "I think so. I mean, sometimes when I watch things I cross my legs instinctively." It's kind of frustrating. And now whenever she thinks about sex/turning a guy on it's about the "power" she has over him. I'm worried about her, honestly. And definitely. Sex is a basic urge, but it's how our society treats it that affects our talking about it.
What are you basing the "broadly speaking" part on? I've literally NEVER had a conversation about sex with a female friend in which she talked about her emotional response to sex. I've had lots in which a female friend talked about technique or physical events or dick size or whatever. So, yeah, sample size of one, but directly in contrast to the generalization you've come up with. Oops, am I starting a gender war again?
Of course. I'm surprised women are buying M/M romance but I'll take your word for it. If more women than men are writing and reading romance novels, does that not say we express our sexuality differently?
Yes. Why does it annoy you that people post the differences? And I don't think @Talisien was saying women discussed sex making them emotionally satisfied. I understood, "how a man makes them feel emotionally," to mean the relationship, the guy, not the sex. In other words I am more likely to tell my girlfriends how wonderful a guy is than I am to tell them how good the sex was.
