So I'm returning to an old idea and rewriting it from scratch. It's outlined to take place in a plethora of different locations throughout a large city and I'm having trouble making the transitions between main settings (Locations separated in the city) keep the flow of the plot. It always seems chunky and out-of-place. Has anyone had this issue before, or does anyone have any tips regardless?
If a scene starts in a different location than in the previous one, establish that at the beginning of the scene. If your characters change location within a scene, describe as much or as little as necessary, depending on what happens during transit.
How does the character get to the new location? Why do they move to a new location? Is a one or two line like this not enough - the bus trip to the park took longer than I hoped because the bus stopped at every stop. Literally every one. Why did so many have to want to use this bus now? Do you really need to explain how they got there? Are you able to give an example?
Sure, I don't need to explain the how but I felt like the one or two-lined transitional sentences weren't enough to compensate for the amount of detail put into each end. But I can absolutely give an example! Near the beginning of the story, the protagonist is fleeing a nightclub after someone dies (It's that kind of story), and they are fleeing to a house of a friend for short-term protection in case any violence spills out into public areas. I felt that my original: "Footsteps and screaming faces tear past every crack in the sidewalk underneath the shallow light, giving me no way to identify what I'm stepping on next. Avoid her... Don't crash into him... Keep breathing, one foot in front of the other... Now faster! Nightclubs and closed bars make way into residential buildings that climb in altitude, creating an artificial barrier between me and whatever the Hell I'm running from. Even [Friend's name]'s house is mocking me with a false sense of security as I knock frantically on the door." Was too little a paragraph (If even) to continue the flow of the scene. In hindsight, I didn't articulate the question enough, which was how to smooth out the amount of detail between plot-relevant locations and the transitions between. Is there some question(s) I can answer to put more stock into the transition itself?
Why does it feel chunky and out-of-place? Have you given it to somebody else to read and hear their opinion? Are you talking about scene breaks? Chapter breaks? Have you explored how to do those? How about handling the passage of time? There are articles about that type of stuff you can read after a quick google search. Huh? If you describe John sitting in a room, then Jenny calls to ask him to meet her in a bar, you can simply finish it off with couple of sentences, informing us that John puts on his hat and twirls his glorious handlebar moustache, anticipating the meeting. Then next sentence (after appropriate break) can be Jenny saying "Hi!" in the bar. There are no amounts or other measurements. You just include enough for the reader to know that John is going to go out, then we see him in the bar and the story continues. There are no signs marking how "transition starts here and ends over there". Unrelated, but do keep note of what your character is able to see while he's running, and what would sound like the writer describing scenery just because they think they have to. As a transition, the above example is okay. Another thing to keep in mind is that such a short paragraph would make the reader think that either your character flies really fast past many buildings, either that the distance he covers is really short. You mention "nightclubs and bars", which makes us imagine a certain length of run. But that's only one sentence, which we read rather quickly. So, it appears that your character arrived rather quickly at his destination. A bit too quickly if he had to pass by several nightclubs and bars. That's an issue with "pacing", so you could explore that, too. Reading examples of that would give you the best idea. Just pick several thrilers where the characters run around all the time.
Your sample paragraph strikes me as too much, rather than too little, transition. That is, if the running scene itself is important, it's fine, but if the entire goal is transition, it seems somewhat excessive. Is the running important, or did you give it importance from a desire to flesh out the transition? I'm wandering through my work in progress, and while I sometimes have description of the new setting, I very rarely have much that I'd call transition. Any more examples? This one is confusing me because of the question as to whether the running itself is important.
In theory, changing scenes within the confines of a single city shouldn't be too difficult. Everyone (for the most part) lives in a town or a city with multiple locales they visit often: work, home, restaurant, grocery store, friend's house, park. etc. The reader won't need too much information as to how or why your MC moves around in a city. If you had the MC going from New York to Lisbon to Khartoum to Tokyo you'd have a much larger issue, but I wouldn't sweat a city issue.
I agree that this is probably more than you need. If the actual running isn't that important, then I would go simple and say it in the small number of words as possible. I would go from the scene in the nightclub then a new scene, probably chapter where he identifies that he hopes friends house will offer him safety. While in the nightclub you might need to have the friend say "come to my house, we'll be safe there." When at New location you can have either description or dialogue about how they got there, fears of getting there, why it's safe there. It all depends on the situation and importance of the transition as to whether or not simple/short of long/detailed is appropriate. Just remember that they might run out of the nightclub and carry on running a few blocks but after that they probably have to stop to catch their breath. Not everyone can run a marathon, especially after a traumatic event.. Remember, that like the rest of the story, the transition to a new location has to be believable.
Returning to add that my other issue with the transition is that I don't know what's happening, so I don't know what would be important to communicate. I throw in a not particularly stellar example. My point below is that I care about the narrator's alarming discovery, and I care about her alarm at the other end of her journey, but I don't really care about the journey--except the bare fact that she ran, which further communicates her alarm and may inform whatever happens after the door opens, or doesn't open. Wait. What did he just say? I reached to touch Fred's arm. "Did you say Jane is home from the hospital?" "Huh?" He frowned at me. In the time between his remark about Jane, and my finally registering it, he'd turned back to talking about football. Finally, he said, "Yeah. Well, her car's there, so I assume so." I turned away from his confused face and stared at my drink. She wouldn't be stupid enough to go home. I'd warned her about... No, she was absolutely that stupid. I stood and grabbed my coat, telling Fred, "I have to go. My drink's on you." I heard some confused syllables from his general direction as I headed for the door. I was moving almost at a run even before I got outside. Outside, I did run, six chest-aching blocks before I reached her door and pounded on it.
Your problem for us is we don't see what came before. This IS the transition paragraph. Transition is the movement between one scene and another. Whether it works or not depends on what came before. I certainly think yours can work ...but it's out of context here. "Climb in altitude" is also a bit awkward ...as climbing implies gaining altitude. However, I don't want to turn this thread into a Workshop either ...which is frowned upon.
