I'm changing the writing style between these two paragraphs and I was wondering if they seem off putting to you? it feels right when I write it, but I don't know, I've been wrong before. (Sorry that this is out of context and breaks the end and the beginning of two paragraphs) Yonun’s colleague didn’t ask again, seeming satisfied with the answer. Yonun, upon hearing those words felt a shudder through his body. It was exactly what he wanted to hear and he could feel how the tension rose within the group. They as determined as he to bring hell on these people. War will soon be upon them. *** After the first tour through the warehouse, nothing special happened that satisfied his eagerness to prove himself. Beside guard duty; Transporting wares and occasionally selling them at the market; nothing really changed expect the perception the people had on him. The wealth and prosperity his people brought with their power was undeniable.
The change doesn't jump out at me, either. There's a couple of semicolons in the sentence that begins "Beside guard duty" that should be commas (another comma belongs after "wares," I think), there's no change in voice. There are slight mechanical errors, though - do you mean those? I mean "on the market" sounds better than "at the market"; "expect the perception" should be "except the perception," and "had on him" should be "had of him."
I'm glad the change wasn't bothersome. It is essentielly a first draft so I'm not suprised that you found such mistakes. Thanks for pointing them out though.
It isn't bothersome and it's pretty minor, but it's also not enough to hear the "voice" that accompanies the style. Why are you switching style? Typically switching style is used for changes in mood, changes in character, or changes in character. Ex: There's a book where an ogre is bonded with a human using spirit magic. The style of writing from the ogre's perspective becomes more complex as the story goes on because the ogre is becoming more intelligent due to the bond. This is obviously an extreme and obvious example. What is your goal in changing styles?
What was the change? I think I missed it. In both paragraphs I think you could make the writing tighter, but that's really the only thing I saw. No obvious (if any) change in style.
