I need to show 2 separate conversations happening during the same time in different places. It is the old " Meanwhile back at the ranch...." I am looking for some cool examples of how this has been done and the language they used. Its a dramatic scene and a critical one, so I need it to feel true to the reader and not like a comic book " Meanwhile". Thanks in advance for any ideas or examples, Tim
I would suggest not pointing out the location at all. Miss out the whole "Meanwhile" and just switch scenes. As long as you make sure there are clear differences between the two scenes it will work. The other thing I would suggest if the action is taking pace simultaneously is to simply state the location: 9.17am Michigan Ranch Action, conversation etc 9.21 am Denver Office More action conversation etc. 9.21am Michigan Ranch You get the idea?
Make it into two separate chapters, and include some kind of common pointer to show that both scenes are taking place simultaneously. For example, if there has been a bus bombing going on in the story, you could do it like this: Then in the next chapter: That is one way to do it at least. With more dialog incorporated in each chapter after the bomb goes off.
I actually would not use two separate chapters. Chapter breaks usually signal a major shift in time or place and reduce, rather than increasing, the sense of immediacy that you seem to need. Sanjuricus' suggestion of a timeline approach is one way to do it, but I think it only works if you are creating a sense of common reportage, such as a news ticker (sort of like one sees on the TV show, "Law and Order"). But there are more subtle ways to do this. For example, assuming the two conversations are taking place in locations that are fairly close to one another (e.g. same city), you can use weather - like an approaching storm - as a link between the two. If the locations are very remote from each other, you can use a fictional (or, if your story is time specific, even a real) breaking news event to link them together in time.
A great example of how to do this is from the movie "Pulp Fiction". In the beginning you see a scene where two robbers are in a diner, and by the end of the scene they pull out guns and try to rob the place. Last scene of the movie, you see two of the main characters walking into a diner, and after a conversation you see the two robbers come over with guns. So basically, you start with the scene you want to show first. Example: "Ned, long time no see. How have things been?" Stacy asked cheerfully. But Ned's mind was on other things. She watched him as he frantically ran around the room, sorting through cases of books, photographs, and old childhood toys. "Are you alright?" He shook his head, continuing his search. "Ned!" Stacy shrieked, grabbing his shoulders, and turning him to face her. He had a wild look in his eyes, and all of a sudden she knew what was going on. Chapter Seven Rupert paced across the rug, running his fingers through his hair. He spoke quick, stopping himself every few moments as if he had a thought that would change everything. Of course, he never did. "Rupert, pacing like that isn't going to help!" Ned snapped. "Well neither is rooting through all of her belongings!" Rupert sneered back. "It's more help than whatever you've been doing," Rupert opened his mouth to speak, but he closed it before any words escaped his mouth. "She's coming," he finally whispered. "What?!" Ned's head cocked up, to see Stacy strolling in. "I have to go," Rupert said simply, before running off in the opposite direction. Stacy seemed confused, but she shook it off and skipped right up to Ned. "Ned, long time no see. How have things been?" she asked cheerfully. Okay um I wrote that in like 5 minutes with no editing or anything so please yeah don't judge. Just an example of what I was trying to explain. c:
Thanks guys those are all great ideas and also ways to approach it that I didn't consider. I was half-kicking myself that I didn't put more information on the scene, but it is inspiring to see ways I could approach it if I rearranged the timeline all together. It could even possibly solve other problems I have to imagine it in this entirely new way. Antagonist unravels during a meeting ( like a business meeting ) and after a long rant storms out to the parking lot. As he walks to his car we hear his thoughts and a cell conversation. *Meanwhile* The meeting continues without him and they discuss how to deal with him and move forward. That's an oversimplified version of events and the timeline I first imagined. I like imagining what would happen if he left the meeting and the narration stayed in the room and finished the meeting without him. Then, new chapter switch to Protag so that when we come back to Antagonist it just starts from when he left the meeting. It is an interesting idea. It would change the whole perspective and tone. Tim -- I am one of those guys that spends countless hours on forums reading and it is the first place I turn for solutions. I have never posted before. I am always able to find the answer I was looking for in previous posts. It was exciting and different to see your ideas and replies to me. I thank you
