I don't know if this is just a waste of time, but, I don't like the way I write stories. It's too messy and I feel I'm wasting a lot of time. Obviously much comes from experience and I'm still learning, but I do think, even as a pantser, that is worthwhile to try to understand your process. Like, I want to sit down and write and know exactly what I'm doing. I want it to be like work, I really do, monotonous work where I sit down and do my part and then stop, not this running around like a headless chicken until I'm lucky crap. And I'm not talking about following some three act structure, or someones elses design, like archetypes and some such, I'm talking about cracking the code of my brain. And even if things don't go as planned, I should know what to do to remedy it instead of just shooting in the dark until something works. Maybe it's too much to ask, creative work is messy, but I still want to have some sort of structure to my style, be familiar with my process, you know. I need to analyse and remember how I solved mistakes, keeping a journal and lamenting my struggles until I know myself inside and out. I wonder, is that even possible?