1. angelkevin

    angelkevin New Member

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    Critique needed.

    Discussion in 'Character Development' started by angelkevin, Nov 18, 2018.

    Hello everyone,i've decided to make this to hopefully recieve any sort of criticism on my writing.Since my main project is under wraps for now,i'm choosing to post a couple pieces,about just a paragraph or so long.
    A lot are concepts for characters,since most of my stories' settings don't vary much from the real world's,but i've been branching out.
    Any critique is much appreciated,so don't hold back.I really want to improve,but without a fair amount of hands-on critique i can only do so much.
    I apologize for any mistakes or unclear sentences,as english is not my first language and i'm pretty young.

    1)
    Man who,despite being quite social and enjoying social interaction,has the tendency to isolate himself due to the fact that he feels that his appearence is wrong and that his features are organized in an unnatural and distorted manner.Due to this,he also will avoid seeking any confirmation to his thoughts,simply believing he is right on principle.He looks into mirrors so much that he has started to hallucinate the mutilated version-wich he believes is his true appearence-of his reflection in the mirror.He seeks validation from it,begging it to spare him from his perceived ugliness.The reflection often appears to him even more distorted than he percieves himself as,becoming more and more inhuman the more he gazes at it.

    2)
    Binge eater who used to be an extremely talented and notorious actor,who ruined himself with extreme plastic surgery.Once he started to be known for his radically changed appearence and not his acting,he started to lose roles upon roles,spiralling into a deep depression.He went into total isolation,using his still exorbitant amount of money to live comfortably.He started to binge to cope with his feelings,his sedimentary lifestyle helping with the weight gain.Nowadays he rarely even talks or goes out,far too exhausted and depressed to even bother to get better,spending most of his days hiding away in bed and eating.

    3)
    Ghost of a child who was mauled by a white rottweiler.the dog was taken down almost immediately,but she was already dead by that point.her ghost is incredibly mangled,fused with the dog,having a canine lower jaw but human teeth,along with several canine limbs with extremely sharp yet rotten nails.she crawls on all fours,dragging her rotten and infested furry body across the halls.she longs for a warm touch-yet she will never be touched by another one of the living again.she cries,sobs and howls for her parents and her sibilings-who are now long dead.the house she resides in has been abandoned for years,after she accidentally killed a young couple's infant son,and it was blamed on the man who had put the house on sale,who lived in the same neighbourhood.

    I do have much more writing,but i don't want to make this post too long,though i will continue to post more stories in this thread if anyone wants to read them.

    (Sorry for the repost,i accidentally posted it in the wrong section.)
     
  2. jim onion

    jim onion New Member

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    Well there is certainly a running theme throughout the three synopses you've presented here.

    It's difficult to critique since these are basically summaries. One thing I will say is that they're good starting points for characters. But now what are they going to do about their situations? How are they going to change? That would seem to be the story in my opinion.

    Or, to take the first one as an example, I suppose the story could be the main character's conflict with himself and his appearance. The story here would be the back and forth struggle. Ideally the reader is sympathetic and wants him to overcome his struggle, but the question is: will he? And that will be answered by the end.

    Of course, it's important to consider what your message is as the author. Nobody wants to read a ~250 page story about the guy if he fails. Or even a ~25 page story. Well, unless they're a masochist, or if you have some sort of useful message you want to impart the reader with.
     
    jannert likes this.
  3. angelkevin

    angelkevin New Member

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    Thank you!And yeah,these are character starters,but i've been thinking about fleshing them out.You're pretty much spot on with the first one,but i was also thinking about making it more message based with his condition improving and then plummeting again due to a not-so-good experience.(I don't really want it to be "Oh he gets mocked" because that's a bit overdone,but i still could try it out.) I've also been thinking about making it so that in the end,his condition is resolved,but in a much less happy manner.(As in he permanently damages his face but he's in such a messy point that he's actually content with the result,showing how much his mind deteriorated.)
    With psychological horror it's pretty tricky,in my opinion,because giving it a happy ending for something so severe feels a bit anticlimatic.
    Of course,that might just be me.
     
    jim onion likes this.
  4. Komposten

    Komposten Insanitary pile of rotten fruit Contributor

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    @angelkevin
    I took the liberty of merging your two threads so that you would keep the feedback you had already received. :)

    And, by the way, if you want to post actual stories (rather than just character, setting or plot synopses) you should do that in the Writing Workshop (which has a few requirements you must meet first, see the Forum Rules for more info).
     
    angelkevin likes this.
  5. Mark Burton

    Mark Burton Fried Egghead Contributor

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    @angelkevin Can I make a suggestion? When writing your character sketches describe them like you are seeing them enter a large room in a bar and casino from a stranger's perspective. Ask yourself these questions:

    What does the stranger first notice? How does the character move? How are they dressed? Where in the room of people would your character gravitate to (e.g. the gambling tables, the bar, the private booths, the toilet, the huddle of people chatting in the corner, the entertainment, etc.)? Did your character enter alone, in a couple or as part of a group? What is the character's demeanour (e.g. aggressive, furtive, timid, loud, outgoing, etc.)? How does the character speak? What small features does the stranger pick up about their appearance, their mannerisms, their attitude? These can be informed by the broad-brush descriptions you have of your characters that you've posted, but it's much more revealing to the author to see how a stranger would see them.

    I hope this helps.
     
    Legolas likes this.
  6. angelkevin

    angelkevin New Member

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    Thank you so much! This is going to help me a lot for sure.
     

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