1. Tenderiser

    Tenderiser Not a man or BayView

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    How Not To Respond to Reviews: #1 Threatening black magic

    Discussion in 'Revision and Editing' started by Tenderiser, Apr 26, 2017.

    This tale of a reviewer and a disgruntled author is making the rounds today:

    https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1830010599

    To sum up - the author provided a reviewer a free copy in exchange for a review.
    The reviewer posted an emoji as a placeholder while he wrote a full review.
    The author took this as mockery and chastised him.
    The reviewer apologised and posted his real review.
    The author did not like the real review.

    A month later, the author informed the reviewer he had contacted "an occultist... well known for his black magic" and a curse would be cast on the reviewer if he didn't remove the review in 10 days.

    So yeah. This is a thing.
     
  2. Homer Potvin

    Homer Potvin A tombstone hand and a graveyard mind Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Why we he enlisting an Indian occultist if he was a devout Christian?
     
  3. BayView

    BayView Huh. Interesting. Contributor

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    A bit drama-llama-y on both sides, really, but... yikes. The author should know better.
     
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  4. Tenderiser

    Tenderiser Not a man or BayView

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    His local priest charged too much for a plague of locusts?
     
  5. Stormburn

    Stormburn Contributor Contributor

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    Sorry, mistook this for a new Douglas Adams novel. He must hate it when real-life steals his material.
     
  6. Seven Crowns

    Seven Crowns Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor Contest Winner 2022

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    The reviewer missed an opportunity. He should have just ran with it and replaced his avatar with one of those cursed Ringu photos.

    [​IMG]
     
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  7. EstherMayRose

    EstherMayRose Gay Souffle Contributor

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    Aaah! I no like it!

    This happened?! Oh my goodness, this really makes me laugh! (As someone who doesn't believe in black magic.)

    We should do a series of these!
     
    Tenderiser likes this.
  8. Dr.Meow

    Dr.Meow Contributor Contributor

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    Now all reviewers shall know the wrath of authors and tremble in the face of their awesome black arts. Mwahahaha!

    Jeez, someone needs to take a handful of chill pills.
     
  9. big soft moose

    big soft moose An Admoostrator Admin Staff Supporter Contributor Community Volunteer

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    TBH I wouldn't have bothered further after his initial response - you can't have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.

    On the threat thing, last year while moving on a bunch of hippies from camping in one of our car parks during a folk festival, I was told that he was gong to "call down the wrath of Herne the Hunter" as punishment for my intolerance...
     
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  10. malaupp

    malaupp Active Member

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    That's a delightfully weird story. I wonder why the author was so obsessed with one lone review.
     
    Tenderiser likes this.
  11. Cave Troll

    Cave Troll It's Coffee O'clock everywhere. Contributor

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    I am pretty tough on books that I think are bad, but if someone (if they bothered) reviewed
    my own, I wouldn't jump their shit over it. It is honest feedback, not an invitation to
    summon the Dark Lord and condemn them to hell.

    Though the article reminds me of the Sacaccio guy last year.

    So who wants to condemn some souls...?:supergrin:
    Baphomet.jpg
     
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  12. OJB

    OJB A Mean Old Man Contributor

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    I won't lie; I'm mad jealous. I wish I could write a critique that resulted in me in getting cursed with Black magic.

    But in all seriousness, this is a great example of how not to react to critique.
     
  13. Laurin Kelly

    Laurin Kelly Contributor Contributor

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    Who knew I could have ordered a pox on all those 3-star Goodreads reviewers? :D
     
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  14. Iain Aschendale

    Iain Aschendale Lying, dog-faced pony Marine Supporter Contributor

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    Wow, and although it was a negative review, it was professional and respectful.

    In other words, not like the way I trash books I hate enough to review :)
     
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  15. Tenderiser

    Tenderiser Not a man or BayView

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    I offer a wonderful Smallpox Package Deal for just $49.99!
     
  16. EstherMayRose

    EstherMayRose Gay Souffle Contributor

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    Do I need to report that, Tenderiser? ;)
     
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  17. Wreybies

    Wreybies Thrice Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Order Tenderiser's Pox Package now and I'll throw in my Caribbean Santería Extender Pack as a free gift to you! You can pick from incipient erectile disfunction, total loss of short term memory, or bladder trouble. (One item per order, zombie option available only through purchase of Santería Extender Pack)
     
  18. Tenderiser

    Tenderiser Not a man or BayView

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    Only if you want a plague on all your houses!
     
  19. Homer Potvin

    Homer Potvin A tombstone hand and a graveyard mind Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Is it true that dudes who practice Santeria keep their underwater on during coitus? That was in Havana Bay by Martin Cruz Smith, I think.
     
  20. Wreybies

    Wreybies Thrice Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Honestly, I have no idea. Santería is a thing here that you can defo find in your own neighborhood, tho. There's a santero who lives down the hill from my property. He's viewed with the typical mixed engagement of people here where they scorn him, but also the same people who scorn him go seek out his services when someone else pisses them off or they need to contact a dead relative, etc. I don't engage in the religious epistemology that gives coin to these dynamics, so I'm not the most informed person on the subject, I must admit.
     
  21. Cave Troll

    Cave Troll It's Coffee O'clock everywhere. Contributor

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    A hefty man goes to a fitness facility, advertising guarantee to lose 10 lbs in a day.
    So after checking in, the man is led into a room with a set of rules. In the room is
    a large bed and a beautiful woman. The man reads the rules:
    There is a beautiful woman in here. If you catch her, you can do whatever you
    want to her.

    The chase ensues around the room for quite some time, until the man becomes
    extremely exhausted to the point of passing out. A pair of the employees remove
    him from the floor. Placing him on the scale he lost 10lbs.
    Once he came to.
    "We have another deal. Guaranteed that you will lose 20 lbs in a day."
    To which the man thought was quite the bargain, considering he was
    still quite hefty. So he is led into an enormous room that was turned into an
    indoor jungle. Again he reads the rules:
    There is a 400 pound gorilla after your ass. If he catches you, he can do whatever
    he wants with you.
     
  22. Iain Aschendale

    Iain Aschendale Lying, dog-faced pony Marine Supporter Contributor

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    HAHA! I am one of the youngest people still vaccinated against smallpox! You have no power over me!
     
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  23. EstherMayRose

    EstherMayRose Gay Souffle Contributor

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    It's OK, my skin's terrible anyway! ;)
     
  24. jannert

    jannert Retired Mod Supporter Contributor

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    Has he never heard of counter-spells? Hey. I'm casting one now. "Ah Hoom, Ah Hoom, May the Bird of Paradise fly up your nose. Ah Hoom, Ah Hoom...."
    witch.png
     
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2017
    Cave Troll likes this.
  25. EstherMayRose

    EstherMayRose Gay Souffle Contributor

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    A bird up your nose? That doesn't sound too pleasant! :D
     

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